I Shot Someone

reply to post by budski


I feel for you Budski... I don't know if this is the greatest of sites to get something as serious as this off your chest at, unfortunately there are allot of immature members that have 0 comprehension of how to handle or even imagine a situation like this (made obvious from some of the ignorant responses I have seen).

If you can weed through all of the BS that is popping up on here, then vent my brother! As much as this pains you (the remorse), don't let it cripple you. Remorse is human, I would have a much different response if you were on here saying..."I shot someone, turns out he was 15, can't wait to do it again..."

You are human and you are obviously a good person or you would not regret the outcome, but that is also the reason you are the professional and they are ignorant enough to raise weapons against you. Trust me, this world is a better place with you here vs. the drug runners, violent criminals and the youth they raise as savages. Keep on, keeping on, there are some here who get you. If you ever need to rant, just let it happen, no need to keep it all bottled up.

reply to post by TheRealTruth84


I've not long realised that after bottling it up for so long, it had grown like a poison in me, to the point of irrational responses to situations which did not merit them alongside panic attacks, anxiety and depression amongst other things.

The more "vigorous" posters are only to be expected, and even though I posted at a time when I was feeling extremely maudlin (a few drinks tends to do that to me after others have gone and I am alone) I am also glad that I did it.

I am grateful to those who have expressed their concern, but really there's nothing to be concerned about - it's all part of the healing process, and although it's going to take a while, I am glad I have gone down this path.

reply to post by budski


That is very true, I however would counter this by saying that to tell this story and resign the next day because of how you felt took 100 times more courage than just putting your head down and bottling it up. This attitude is to keep soldiers in the military who have had similar problems as yourself which ultimately is dangerous to have someone with this kind of psycological damage working as usual in a warzone where noone is aware of the problem. I also believe it is immoral to subject a person to potentially more psd by keeping them working as usual (assuming that the military is aware of their problems)

I still applaud you and think it must have taken immense courage to admit how you felt and resign the next day. You can at least be happy knowing that you are a good, caring person (not that other soldiers are bad people by any means I want to add) Im just saying that you obviously are immensly compasionate even to the enemy you had shot and this quality in a person more admirable than almost any other.

You people are heartless.

Heartless? Hey, im not the one comforting a murderer!, so how exactly am i heartless?
Im just saying how it is,i dont hate this person which is the OP, i just dont see what he expects to get from saying what he has? do you?
I wouldnt be suprised if most of the posters on this thread agreeing with the OP are americans, because ive noticed the Americans have a very low tolerence towards murder,as if it doesnt bother them, just another ol'thing.

Most of you haven't a clue.

Your right,so that means i cant judge him on what it was like, but i can judge him on his actions and what he has said, he came here and said it,we didnt go to him for it.
If people didnt join the army maybe they would have to be next to a bleeding out comrade,im not the one whos joined a killing organization, the OP did, and the Vietnam Vets did, and the ANZAC Vets did.
So its silly for you to sit there and tell me why i havnt been through things like you have mentioned in your posts, because i didnt and wont join up to be apart of it!

I will fight for my country if a threat comes HERE and challenges my home,but im not going to join a organization to go fight a war in another country because your government wants you to for their agenda's, do you think im stupid or what?!?
Well the people that join the military must be.Thats probably why we call them "jar heads"...

reply to post by beltemps

I mean I really tried to put myself in your shoes, bud as far as it is possible for someone not military or police... and then it got even more complicated. are "they" (whoever this is) really that bad that they deserve to die or are they just in the same situation that I am (in my roleplay as bud)? so there are two more or less good people on both sides with the same fears and the same hopes... that's sick... but that is the concept of war and it is always one against one and the death of the other whoever it will be is NEVER justified...

Beltemps, I agree with you on some level, except if there is a situation where a country faces a serious threat from foreign country and it becomes a matter of defending the lives of innocent people.

All I can say is, I hope anyone considering joining the U.S. military these days takes a good long look at how our past few wars began and the deception that was used to create them. My honest opinion is that if someone is aware of this and knowingly joins the military--especially given the current likelihood of being deployed for combat--they should understand that many will consider any killing they do to be nothing less than murder If they are truly defending this country and it's population from a threat, then it is self-defense. We can't just sit back and let someone kill us or overthrow our government. But these obvious "made-for-profit" wars result in unjustifiable loss of life. In my opinion, blind faith and loyalty to a government is not patriotic or admirable when said government has been proven to be deceitful in it's justification for war. The government does not make a country. The people make the country. If one wants to be patriotic, then one should refuse to service govt. officials who have proven themselves to be treasonous and corrupt.

It was just a 'Toe', he'll get over it,...or was it his Testicles or throat? I hope you didn't shoot him 3 times in his fireman. I would rather take 3 to the head....the other one, that is.

reply to post by BillyBoBBizWorth

Heartless? Hey, im not the one comforting a murderer!

The other guy is dead. This guy is the only one left to comfort. Are you suggesting that we not comfort the only living person here between the two, who is clearly in mourning? This guy didn't have to come on here and grace us with his excellent shooting abilities and share with us his talents. You are so unappreciative and a little bit insensitive, I must say. Good day to you sir.

reply to post by budski


Then, with budski's permission, I hope that the mods should declare this thread closed. Budski, I repeat my very early sentiments in hoping that you're able to find some peace. If your declaration here on ATS was helpful to you, then it makes reading through all of the discompassionate posts worth it. I liked it best when you said that reading some of the replies made you realize that you're a good person. Keep up the faith in yourself, reach out to whomever in whatever way YOU deem helpful to yourself, and most importantly, be good to yourself!

Timidgal

*EDIT: To those naysayers who claim that ATS is not the place to come to for sympathy or empathy, I remind you that's very close minded thinking. There are MANY of us here who are trying to better ourselves by reaching out, sharing and when possible, helping others.

All I can say is, I hope anyone considering joining the U.S. military these days takes a good long look at how our past few wars began and the deception that was used to create them. My honest opinion is that if someone is aware of this and knowingly joins the military--especially given the current likelihood of being deployed for combat--they should understand that many will consider any killing they do to be nothing less than murder If they are truly defending this country and it's population from a threat, then it is self-defense. We can't just sit back and let someone kill us or overthrow our government. But these obvious "made-for-profit" wars result in unjustifiable loss of life. In my opinion, blind faith and loyalty to a government is not patriotic or admirable when said government has been proven to be deceitful in it's justification for war. The government does not make a country. The people make the country. If one wants to be patriotic, then one should refuse to service govt. officials who have proven themselves to be treasonous and corrupt.

Great post NightGypsy,that was put very well and i agree with you and it in whole.If you took out the "U.S." in the first sentence,them words unchanged should be shown to everyone and especially to people considering joining a war machine!

reply to post by timidgal


I agree, perhaps it's time to close.

On a final note, I am not here to prove anything, my unit and the reasons I was there are pretty much beside the point, and somewhat irrelevant.

Thanks to all who posted - believe it or not, this has been a helpful experience, even the negative comments have been helpful.

I understand that closure is going to be hard, if not impossible, but hopefully I can come to terms with myself at some point in the future.

reply to post by budski


During my deployment there were multiple instances of similar occurrences, and I have yet to shake them as well. Civilians don't seem to understand the ramifications of taking the life of a human being. You cannot kill someone without killing a part of yourself. And that's in "normal" combat conditions. When it's a little boy or girl that's shooting at you, it weighs that much more on you after the fact. The civvies say "get over it" but you and I know that it's just not that simple.

Originally posted by BillyBoBBizWorth

You people are heartless.

Heartless? Hey, im not the one comforting a murderer!, so how exactly am i heartless?
Im just saying how it is,i dont hate this person which is the OP, i just dont see what he expects to get from saying what he has? do you?
I wouldnt be suprised if most of the posters on this thread agreeing with the OP are americans, because ive noticed the Americans have a very low tolerence towards murder,as if it doesnt bother them, just another ol'thing.

What would you have done in this situation genius? Training exercise or not, he was in hostile territory, his team gave the perps a chance to drop their firearms and put their hand behind their heads, they objected and engaged. Game over. That is not murder, that is defense, learn the difference.
You say you would protect your country if it was under attack, I assume this means you would also protect your family in the event of a hostile break in....Special Forces teams, train, eat, live, and survive together, they are a family and you protect your family at any cost. Don't make a hypocritical statement if you don't understand the circumstance...

reply to post by budski


A 15-year old is as capable of committing atrocious acts as any adult. They know the difference between right and wrong. Don't be hard on yourself for doing what could've saved your life, a member of your units life or potentially the life of some innocent person if this youth had lived.

For all that matters, it's quite possible you could've saved the lives of an entire family by taking this one person out.

Like I said, don't be hard on yourself. You made the right decision. Would you have made another had you known the age of this person? I don't think so. What's done is done.

reply to post by budski


What does god think about that?

I woke up in the middle of the night to watch TV. I started watching a documentary called "Ground Truth" (I hope I remembered the title correctly). This documentary was about guys like you coming back from Iraq and reflecting on how they're having a hard time coming to grips with shooting the enemy and innocent civilians.

I was really surprised they allowed this documentary to be televised, because a lot of these soldiers were very critical of how the military conditioned them not to be concerned about killing innocent civilians. It was really a sad piece because these young guys couldn't handle the idea of killing someone, especially innocent men and children who were caught up in the fighting.

One of the soldiers they were interviewing said they were told to bomb some houses where their were militants shooting at them. An innocent women was walking down the road and the commander said to bomb it anyways.

I couldn't watch the entire documentary because it was just too upsetting to me.
It probably was on at 3am considering the majority of people wouldn't be up that late.

The U.S. military should be ashamed of themselves for allowing all these wars and occupations to continue. Let these countries and their neighbors take care of their own affairs. Killing anyone is just plain wrong and a primitive way of solving the world's problems.

Op, you're not alone in feeling like this. Has anyone else seen this documentary?

I have a friend, one of my best actually, who killed a kid in Iraq. The kid had an AK47 and was less than 5 feet away from my friend with the intent to kill him. My friend had a knife handy, and he used it.

That guy has PTSD out the ass. Try not to let it get to you, but if you can't help that, find some way to make peace with it. The world is an ugly place and it's so much harder for people from a country like America to come to terms with having that full realization thrown into their face.

reply to post by snowen20

Because as you mentioned the case went "Tits up"

NO NO fook NO

the case did not go tits up - the thread did

primeraly because numpties sutck thier opinions in with zero recouse to the facts

What would you have done in this situation genius?

Ohh man, you have no idea what you are talking about, you just said it right there in that quote.
Thats the exact point that i had expressed in my post, i wouldnt put myself in that situation, you genius...
but he did...
Your asking me to explain how i would react to a situation i wouldnt put myself in?, do you see how silly you sound now?
He went looking for war, the war didnt come to him! He wanted what happened to him to happen obviously,because when joining people are usually aware of what the job entails, dont you get that or something? or just refuse to acknowledge it? because it seems that way.

he was in hostile territory

Look! you done it again, you said it for me...
Because HE went to the hostile territory, it didnt come to him,understand?

Don't make a hypocritical statement if you don't understand the circumstance...

Lol, he didnt even give us a chance to "understand the circumstance" because he gave us a 6 liner intro that summed up to be "i shot someone"
And i havent been hypocritical on any of my statements, if you read through them you will realize that.
Seems more like you absolutely dont know what you are talking about and obviously support murderers,your probably american too,thats what makes your "country" so "great" right?

I once did something physically harmful to another simply out of male bravado and drunken idiocy. Do I regret it? Absolutely. But do I simply write a thread entitled "I battered Someone". Nope...

No offence OP, without reading the thread in it's entirety, but I'm not really sure where this is going? It's not as if you started by saying you had something to get off your chest, or had a moral conscious issue, just simply "I shot someone and he was 15"

reply to post by TheButcher23


REME do train in wales - any numpty can preform a trade in a warm &dry wrkshop with a solid floor , overhead lights and a stores depot

but hey - in the real world of miltary operations - they are not always availiable

so REME needs fitters who can do the jobs sat in a puddle with a glowsick clenched between thier teeth in the middle of a thunderstorm

REME do train in wales - and if you believe different - you are a bigger idiot than you appear to be