I touched briefly on some of the not so nice stuff...I want to elaborate a little now.
Prior to my mom's death, my 2 year old niece died. It is a very tragic and sad story.
My niece was born very premature and wasn't supposed to survive. She was so small, she could fit in the palm of my hand. Her hands and feet barely
hung over my hand. Really, she looked like a tiny newborn puppy, in the incubator. Mind you I have big hands, that barely fit the sealed glove
But anyways, she did survive. Then almost a year of life, she developed liver cancer. They removed 80% of her liver. She responded to treatment and
did very well. She also had twisted bowel syndrome, and a few other complications. But was relatively healthy.
One day, my sister, phoned me in a panic, that they were going to the hospital. This happened often, with her issues etc. But the night before, they
had been sent home from the hospital, for "flu like symptoms", and told my sister she was being paranoid. My sister, after all those issues, was NOT
paranoid. It seemed that while trying to have a bowel movement, which was difficult with T.B.S...her intestine ruptured. She became septic. The
E.R. Dr. had seen 10 kids with the flu, and passed it off as such. My sister begged for an ultra sound, but was denied and told to leave.
Sadly, my niece passed away the next morning, from septic poisoning, toxins in the blood etc. The hospital asked my sister she would donate her eyes,
as there was a boy in the same hospital that needed eyes. She, in shock, agreed. This is important, as I was unaware of this part.
That day, we received a call from the oncologist for her one year blood test results in relation to her cancer check up and that she was cancer free.
He was devastated by the news we had to share with him. He became involved in the case against the E.R. Dr. later on.
Anyways, we had to go explain to my mom, (who was in a cancer treatment center for her own liver cancer), what had happened.
As you can imagine, there was a lot of stress involved.
As time progressed, with my mothers illness, my leaving law enforcement, transitions, etc...I was letting the stress of everything get to me. I was
yelling more at my own beautiful children, as I spent a lot more time at home with them, and it wasn't easy. It's NO excuse, but they are very young.
I had a 4 year old, 2 year old and newborn at the time.
While sleeping on the couch, in my basement, I suddenly woke up to my niece just standing there. I would say looking at me...but she had no eyes.
Just very dark shadows that were elongated on her face. I was petrified at first, thinking and hoping, that I was still dreaming. But she just
stood there. Without eyes, looking sad. The moment my brain figured out was this was supposed to mean, she smiled. And, then was gone.
I had figured that she was serving me a reminder, that my children should not be taken for granted. I made very serious efforts to change my life,
from that day. Never really sharing this with anyone. Except my father, who said, " I didn't know that your sister told you that they donated her
I didn't know. Until that moment, which made the whole experience, even more meaningful.
I often think of that, when i find myself frustrated with my kids, who are older now. But it always calms me down, and makes time with my kids much
more positive and happy.
It also really helped me deal with grief, when my mom, and grandparents all died. I'm more easily available to be the strength for the rest of my
family, without it being a burden, to me or them...It's difficult to explain, but..there it is.
edit on 5-7-2011 by Demoncreeper because: (no