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Men: Mother of preteen boy needs your help with "the talk"

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posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 05:34 PM
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Dad and I are divorced. I have touched on the subject briefly with my son, and he told me he was actually relived that I brought it up, because he has had questions and didn't know how to ask. Now, being a female there are obviously thing I either don't know, or would think about, that might be important. I have told both him and his dad that they need to discuss this, but dad, moron that he is, is skirting around and trying to avoid the subject, and only creating more anxiety in my son about talking to him. Yea, sure its awkward for any parent and child to have this conversation, but I believe its the parents job to relieve the awkwardness so that the child feels more comfortable about approaching their parents about stuff like this in the future.

So guys, can you help me out so that I can fully prepare my son for physical changes and sexuality?




posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 05:38 PM
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Sure why not???



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 05:40 PM
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Let me rephrase that. Can you tell me what I need to inform him about.



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 05:43 PM
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post removed because the user has no concept of manners

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posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 05:48 PM
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Tell him to take what you do not have, have what you cannot take and never hurt anyone weaker than himself. Everything else is chicken soup(easy). Boys really dont need to know anything. Life has a habit of filling in the blanks.



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 05:51 PM
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I would suggest having one of your male family members or friends take him fishing and casually bring it up. If he wants to talk, he will. If not, boys learn this stuff on their own. Our junk is pretty simple to operate.
A mother talking about it at his age might bring a barrier up that won't do any good. Could be embarrassing for him and if you get embarrassed as well, it won't make it any easier.

Just my 2 pennies.

Good Luck!


edit on 25-6-2011 by jude11 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 05:54 PM
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Do you have an uncle or grandfather he can talk to? I think he might have trouble discussing these things with his mother. What does he want to know?



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 05:56 PM
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Originally posted by andy06shake
Tell him to take what you do not have, have what you cannot take and never hurt anyone weaker than himself. Everything else is chicken soup(easy). Boys really dont need to know anything. Life has a habit of filling in the blanks.


I totally disagrre with that...boys need very much to have a little guidance
they need to understand that they are sexual, but that they can "healthy " ways of releasing that energy, and they don't need to listen to that older boy , who says its perfectly ok for him , to bend over and take some in the ***. Masturbation is far better than some other alternatives .

Boys are at great risk of being sexually manipulated , and blackmailed for it. Please tell your son not to let anyone manipulate his sexuality enough that he will compromise his dignity in the end...and...most important if this should happen, he should NEVER EVER feel ashamed to come and talk to a parent or a professional about it.

I think boys are at an even greater risk of sexual abuse because of the stigma of speaking out about it.

Talk to your child...yes your boy..and tell him that if he decides to have sex with a girl , he needs to realize she could very well be the mother of his child someday. It is his responsibility to ensure that if a child of his will be born , that it is born to a woman he respects.
edit on 25-6-2011 by gabby2011 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 05:57 PM
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he'll figure it out..



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:03 PM
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Bit of a difficulty for you, isn't it? lol I know how it is.. I have 3 kiddos (I am male) 2 are girls and one is a boy hehe

I am glad you're willing to be open with your son about it all. Why parents are so hush hush and taboo about sex is beyond me. The more they know, the better prepared they'll be to keep from making mistakes.

One thing to do before anything is to set your own mind straight on things. Make the assumption that at some point before YOU'RE ready for it, he's going to have sex. That way, if he DOES NOT, you come out ahead
Anyhow, if you do things that way, it's a lot easier to get things out.

Ok. So. Physical changes.

Well, you know the obvious ones. Boys are a fair bit different than girls in that we end up getting hair EVERY dang where and aches in places we didn't know existed lol Not to mention the zits. Oh god... they are taking over the world!



Some boys go through a lot of what's called growing pains. The joints sometimes feel like they're on fire and there's simply nothing that can be done. :| They're difficult but thankfully don't last very long. Just knowing about those, though, can help.

So, as to the sex stuff specifically... coming from you, a woman, it will actually be an advantage. You can give a woman's perspective on it.

Talk to him about being gentle and not being just about "him" when it comes to sex. Teach him to be tender, and the ladies in his life in the future will be thankful for it.

I am sure, having a son, you know the actual mechanics of how things work
so I wanted to say those things above. Too few men have the ability to focus on the woman's needs, and that's something that is taught.


Oh, and, your son IS going to masturbate. Guaranteed. Be sure to let him know that it's ok to do that. Seriously, cannot even come close to telling you how much shame can be involved in doing it, and there's so no need for there to be. Society seems to love to down people about it, even though EVERYONE does it at some point in their lives.

Hope some of this helps give ideas. Just remember, coming from a woman, this is a perfect chance to raise a man that can care about his woman.

I wish you luck



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:04 PM
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Gabby 2011
I said "Tell him to take what you do not have, have what you cannot take and never hurt anyone weaker than himself. Everything else is chicken soup(easy)."

What part of the above do you totally disagree with?



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:05 PM
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Originally posted by shadowreborn89
he'll figure it out..


lol hope you never have kiddos that are left to figure things out.

There'll be quite a few more babies in the world with attitudes like that coming from parents.

Seriously, so many stupid hangups and taboos.



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:13 PM
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Originally posted by Jomina

Originally posted by shadowreborn89
he'll figure it out..


lol hope you never have kiddos that are left to figure things out.

There'll be quite a few more babies in the world with attitudes like that coming from parents.

Seriously, so many stupid hangups and taboos.

No there won't. They will just murder those preborn children. Sex really should be between consenting adults ready to deal with the consequences. Children should not be having sex.



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:16 PM
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All you need to do is teach him the meaning of the word 'respect'.

everything will fall in to place after that.



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:18 PM
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reply to post by calstorm
 


kids his age have a good sense of whats going on but hormones tend to get in the way of rational thinking. Look just tell him whats really going on when people have sex. Be as truthful and honest as possible. I know this is going to go against your nature but you need to tell him about how women are at his age till about 26 maybe 30. tell him to have fun and be safe and not to worry about women staying true until he get's married. Tell him to respect himself and never go through any drama for a women. I repeat do not try and turn him into super thoughtful ultra nice guy who would bend over backwards for a women. Ps tell him there are 3 things in life that will get you in trouble every time #1 fast cars #2 fast money #3 fast women
edit on 25-6-2011 by pcrobotwolf because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:23 PM
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reply to post by Jomina
 


Thank you very much.
As much as I wish there was a male in his life he could talk to about these kind of things, he has gotten the short stick when it comes to positive male influences. Dad was raised in an all girl family and on my side well, he would get the whole "Masturbation is a sin, do it and you're going to hell" nonsense. or something far worse, from a certain male in my family who was seriously screwed up by the first conversation. So that leaves me, and I want my kids to have healthy attitudes about sex and their body.



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:28 PM
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I have never meet my dad. When my mom told me i was in elementary school. You have to joke around about it. I remember my mom telling me not to get scared if i woke up one day and found white stuff on my sheets. lol Your sun know what sex is right? I am sure he does, it should not be to complicated. Research what YOU need to know. Dont go a web site that is just about this topic cause those web sites are ment to get in your head. Bring it up if your sun has a question that you do not know tell him you will get back to him but if you know the answer tell him. I would not tell him how to masturbate, I would not even bring it up. It comes natural and when he is ready it will happen.
edit on 25-6-2011 by sabbathcrazy because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:30 PM
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Originally posted by gabby2011

Originally posted by andy06shake
Tell him to take what you do not have, have what you cannot take and never hurt anyone weaker than himself. Everything else is chicken soup(easy). Boys really dont need to know anything. Life has a habit of filling in the blanks.


I totally disagrre with that...boys need very much to have a little guidance
they need to understand that they are sexual, but that they can "healthy " ways of releasing that energy, and they don't need to listen to that older boy , who says its perfectly ok for him , to bend over and take some in the ***. Masturbation is far better than some other alternatives .

Boys are at great risk of being sexually manipulated , and blackmailed for it. Please tell your son not to let anyone manipulate his sexuality enough that he will compromise his dignity in the end...and...most important if this should happen, he should NEVER EVER feel ashamed to come and talk to a parent or a professional about it.

I think boys are at an even greater risk of sexual abuse because of the stigma of speaking out about it.

Talk to your child...yes your boy..and tell him that if he decides to have sex with a girl , he needs to realize she could very well be the mother of his child someday. It is his responsibility to ensure that if a child of his will be born , that it is born to a woman he respects.
edit on 25-6-2011 by gabby2011 because: (no reason given)


I agree, agree, agree!!! I am a mom too, of a boy. I will be having this talk soon with my boy because I don't want him to learn anywhere else or be taken advantage of. I think there is a difference between educating about the facts of life and talking about SEX. Meaning a respectful discussion, with you his mom - might alievate the bad SEX talks he is gonna hear on the street, the mis-information. Etc. Because our whole human culture is hung up on SEX. He is going to hear and be exposed to a vast assortment of things just by living in the world.

There are good books on this topic if you are timid about the details. I purchased one for my step daughter when much to my horror her parents wouldn't bring it up. Like kids ask permission and stuff! I mean lets be real. The book I purchased several years ago even tackled masterbation. Her own parents never would discuss the hard stuff with this child - and as a result I think her life was so much more difficult then it should have been.

I want to tell you why I think this is very, very important to talk to your child. I worked for years in an all male enviornment - and when a certain comfort level was reached I would hear how many of them had been taken advantage of in their own youth by older boys, priests, coaches, ect. This left scars. When things happen to a young person who is developing sexually that confuse them they can imprint on these experiences especially if they are ignorant of the broader healthier context of sexuality. So tell your child in a loving way about the facts of life. You mom, can probably instill more respect in him about the whole concept of Love/intimacy/avoiding early parenthood/scary body changes - then some older dude who will give him the tit and rubber talk, sorry to be graphic. It seems that almost every molestation or assualt victim where it happened in childhood was kept in the dark about the facts of life until they learned them from the street at a much later time, after damage and confusion had set in. I will not keep my child in the dark out of some kind of embarrasment about a natural part of human/animal life . . . but I won't sit him in front of "Girls gone wild" either - can you see the difference?

Tell him to protect him, because boys can be taken advantage of too. Tell him because you Love him, and it makes sense for him to learn in a safe environment. Tell him its a normal beautiful thing that some people make abnormal - so if he has questions about that - he can come to you. Good Luck.

I want to add that back in 1975, in 5th grade in a school in IL - my class got sex education in health class. What this did for me was educate me about the reality of sex and the risks. As a result I waited until I was emotionally ready for sex. The difference between me and my friends who lived in other parts of the USA or who did not for family or religious reasons get a health based education on sex is that they had experiences they were not prepared for intellectually or emotionally. Due to that radical thing, good sex education in public school - I waited - and nothing bad happened to me - isn't that just so crazy! It makes a difference, I really believe that. Don't ask, don't tell, and just say no when you don't know why just don't work that well and seem to have the unfortunate side effect of creating victims. Why are we so afraid to talk about what's normal?

edit on 25-6-2011 by TheBirdisDone because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:33 PM
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Looking at many of the replies here, I'd need to remind the OP that you are asking for advice on a conspiracy website.

That said...

Be candid (great word), break it down. Nothing to be anxious over. If he's 10-12 he already knows a lot more than you think.





posted on Jun, 25 2011 @ 06:34 PM
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My two cents.

My wife raised a boy by herself. The way she handled this was by simply letting her son know that she was available for discussion, it would stay confidential, and she would answer his questions honestly. She left the rest up to him. Once he knew he really could talk with her about it, she says they had some in-depth conversations. The embarrassment only lasts a little while.

Be upfront, and don't mince words. You'll do great. You really will.




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