posted on Jun, 28 2011 @ 02:16 AM
I sounded exactly like the OP when I was that age. I got out of that rut, and I'm sure you will, too. The only question is, how long will it take.
Here's what I'd tell me, if I went back in time:
1. Realize that when it comes to relationships, you are selling a product: yourself. Now, just because it is sales, don't think you have to lie or
misrepresent or rip people off. You want a satisfied customer. Even so, you would do everything in your power to sell a used car by advertizing it
in its best light. Do the same for yourself. Why should someone want to be with you. Seriously, boil it down to 5 qualities, and learn to convey
those 5 qualities in the context of one or two encounters.
Since you are too young to recognize that, I'll spell it out for you: Always Be Closing. Always be making the sale, clinching the deal. If you see
a pretty girl at the bookstore, then introduce yourself. FORCE YOURSELF to do this, even if it is a disaster. I posted, long ago, about my college
roommate, who propositioned girl after girl for sex. Number 76 went to bed with him. He was failing college, he was broke, he was short and had
acne. He had no car. But she took him back to her place and unleashed the beast. I'm just saying. What if you have to talk to 76 pretty girls to
find the 1 who wants to be in a relationship (of whatever sort) with you? Are you willing to do that? If you are, then even if it embarrasses you,
then you might as well get started. Once you get the first 75 out of the way, the rest is a cake walk.
3. Don't be desperate.
Nothing is less sexy than desperation. Never telegraph that you are desperate. Not to your kid brother, not to your boss or your business partner.
Letting someone think you are desperate gives the other person power over you. They begin to kid themselves that they are better than you, that they
can control you. Seriously. I'm not just talking about women, either. ALL humans are this way. If you will relax, the other person can relax,
4. Be confident
It's OK to lie about this once facet of your self; but only because we become what we pretend to be, when it comes to courage. Be sure of yourself,
even if you are wrong. Don't be sure of your sexiness, or your genius, or any of that crap. But be confident that you are worth it, and that you
will find someone who can love you back. I learned (back when I played the field), to project the fact that when the sun went down, I'd be screwing
somebody; and if you didn't want it to be you, I was ok with that as well. I was fine with a woman being hard to get, but never being merely
a tease, or treating me as "just a friend" if I wanted something more. While that stance does not jibe with the morals I have since developed later
in life, it helped me cut to the chase where women are concerned. It helped them to treat me like an equal, or move on.
5. Treat dating like an enjoyable game.
IF you are looking for a spouse, you wont ever find her with what I see as your current mind-set. Just relax, and get to know a few nice girls (and
maybe a few really rotten ones, too) on your way to Ms. Right. Enjoy taking ladies on dates, and have a good time getting to know them, whether you
score or not. THAT attitude alone will probably double the number of mating rituals you get invited to.
6. Learn to shower your female friend with lots of focused, personal attention.
This probably works for men, too; I just have never been interested. But learn what kind of things she likes. Get her a small inexpensive gift that
speaks to her interests or outlook, and it will matter to her for the rest of her life. I dated a pianist in the mid 1980's, and gave her a little
music-box shaped like a piano that played her favorite song, on an occasion that meant a lot to her personally. 25 years and two husbands later, she
still has that little piano music-box sitting on her desk in her home. See, that relationship mattered to both of us, although we met other people
and did other things with our lives. That relationship was not a waste of time, even if it was not permanent. It mattered, and helped both of us
grow up just a little bit.