Should parents allow their kids to have sex at home? Your thoughts.

Originally posted by Fatmandy
added a bit more to my post which answers some questions ^^^

and yes, my parents were aware and had confidence that I was no fool.

same thing for me. my folks new, maybe even were not happy with me but, they left the choice up to me because I was a very responsible teen, I held down two jobs through high school, was involved in my school with good grades, no car accidents. It's all how the teen is handling life in general. my girlfriend at the time would even spend weekend nights at my house with me.

Would it be ok for a 13 year old to have sex in a post-apocalyptic event where re-population was needed, I bet morals would suddenly change if that were the case today.
Back in the day, 13 year olds were probably having babies, simply because of natural hazards that decreased lifespans. It is amazing how societies change their views and morals based off of what century we live in, instead of basing it off of science and the needs of our species. I just have trouble justifying certain morals society forces upon us when human nature is in play and things we have done for thousands of years and is a natural tendency.

In my opinion, part of the reason why teen sex is such a issue is because society refuses to look at the science involved. Our society has evolved and developed faster than what we as a species have and as a teenager, that is when our bodies are in its prime to reproduce. Now society has to create laws/morals against something that as a species, we are driven and compelled to do....reproduce.

It is an exercise in futility to try and stop things like this, but this is where education comes into play. Sure, our society does not have a need for babies having babies, but we do need to understand why it is such a problem. The best solution is education, teach people that this why during teen years sex is so prevalent, and provide tools and knowledge on how to circumvent our natural tendencies, instead of demonizing it.

Who knows, given enough time, our bodies may evolve to the point where our species see that reproducing is no longer effective as it was at such an early age, and then change our bodies so that we do not develop sexually until maybe early twenties. Just saying, nature does not put an age on things, humans do. Just a theory.

The amount of people against this amazes me, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
Come on, it's like you we're never young. Sex is a good thing, not bad.

I had a relationship that was killed because we couldn't have sex when I was a teenager, we always had to hide, has if we did something bad.

I feel pretty sure all of you that are against it can't even talk to your kids openly about sex and how to be safe while doing it. I know it's hard, but a lot of things in parenting are.

Refusing your teen to have sex can really mess up their life, their emotions and their psychology.
And don't you come to me saying stupid things like : "Teenager's love life are not worth has much then adult's." ,
because love is has real to anyone, anywhere, any age. Whenever someone around me makes fun of teen love, even a stranger, I openly bring them back to reality. You can't judge love.

People before the 20th century mostly married in their teen years, now don't you go saying they never felt love excluding arranged marriage that never worked and only stayed together because of religion.

Personally, I think parents should allow it. As many others have said (because it's true!) if you don't allow them to have sex at home they will only find somewhere else to do it i.e. in the woods, the back of a car, a friends house etc

Teenagers are teenagers, let them enjoy their teenage years while they can otherwise there's a good chance they will grow up to be bitter individuals, the number of times I've heard someone complain "I hated being a teenager", "my teenage years were crap" etc is untrue!

By not allowing a teenage lad to have his girlfriend in his room is treating him like a child and will only make that lad resent his parents, there's a reason for teenage rebellion you know?

I can see it from a parents point of view, it must be uncomfortable just knowing your son or daughter is upstairs having sex but again, like others have mentioned it's all a cycle - said parents were teenagers themselves once upon a time...

I'm not saying allowing your teenage son taking his girlfriend to his bedroom and slapping her naked arse while she screams the house down in ecstasy is appropriate, however as long as they are discreet and staying safe then I don't see the problem.

Who knows, maybe it might reignite the parents passion which memories of their naughty teenage years?

Well, as a mom of 21 and 18 year old boys, this is how i felt about it. I was always open and honest about sex, much to their embarrassment.
I did not allow girls to stay the night at my house, while they were in high school. Surprisingly, many of the girls parents did.
When my oldest graduated, he moved out for a year. He had to move back for a month, and I did let his girlfriend stay too.
I knew they were both having sex in high school, and since I worked til 5, I'm sure it went on at my house. So far, no grandchildren and I'm very happy about that! I knew they were going to do it, I just wanted to make sure they were protected!

I have always preached that sex is a choice and has consequences.

I'm nearly positive my entire attitude stems from growing up in the 80's, and all the information coming out about AIDS at the time.

Fear of seeing someone I care about contract such a horrid virus... I don't want anyone to get it, I sure don't want my kids to get it - forget pregnancy - I'd rather have 20 grandchildren at the age of 37, than 1 child dying from AIDS because I didn't advise him to use a condom.

When I was 16 years old I gave these same speeches to all my friends - and made it a habit to include all my girlfriends in group trips to Planned Parenthood, and often carried around a pocket full of condoms (free from the clinic) to hand out to the guys (and girls, can't always trust a guy to have one)

And now to my own kids....

To the boys - condoms - there's a community stash - and so that no one feels embarrassed - anyone and everyone who comes into my home can help themselves to a condom - they're in the bathroom medicine cabinet, and since we get a reasonable amount of traffic, no one will know or ask who took them - and even if you're not planning to have sex - it doesn't hurt to have it - just in case

To the girls - condoms in the bathroom - PLUS have an open and honest dialogue and stress the importance of back up birth control (pills/shots/iuds). I still have an open offer to take them to Planned Parenthood myself to learn more about their OPTIONS, any time they want to go, before deciding to have sex.
They should go anyway, its never too early to get a pap smear.

For Both girls and boys - I strongly emphasized the risks of emotional attachments and broken hearts that often come along with taking that step. Sex is often misread as "more" than what it really is, and its up to all parties involved in the decision to define EXACTLY what it means, prior to making that decision.

In other words, I told them to "be picky".

For the record, I absolutely believe both my boys if/when they tell me they are not having "sex" - why?
Because I give them no reason to lie to me. And I'm pretty confident I gave them all the information they needed to make the right decision for themselves. And I continue to stress this information - LONG AFTER when I finally find out they're having sex, I will occassionally say "still using condoms right? being safe? minding her feelings?"

EEEUUUUHHH !!!!!

I only hope your not talking about brother and sister sex ! ! !

That's just too gross.

My sisters are way too ------ plain --- to think about such.

reply to post by Forevever


At first glance I thought that your approach was a bit over the top. After reading again more carefully, all I can say is what a brilliant attitude and approach, well done. Star for you

Originally posted by Death_Kron
reply to post by Forevever

 

At first glance I thought that your approach was a bit over the top. After reading again more carefully, all I can say is what a brilliant attitude and approach, well done. Star for you

Thank you for taking the time to read.
I try to cull - I know I go on and on and on sometimes
Fear of being misunderstood ♥
I am an over-explainer

Yes, it is better than hidden god knows where, they will have sex anyway.

If the kids both sitll live at home then yes... they're going to have sex so where else do you want them to go?

My mum always told me no, and I did it anyway, and she heard (awkward coversation indeed) and we sat down and I told her. "Well you say no and her mum says no but I'm 17 and shes 16...we both want to have sex, and we can't afford our own place so either you let us have sex here, help me pay for my own flat or help me pay for a car (Both in full-time education)...needless to say she gave in but told me to have some respect with the times etc.

I have had sex in my home with all of my girlfriedns sicne becoming sexually active, and had sex in theirs.

Basically what it boils down to is, the parents aren't stupid they know you're going to, you just have to try and have the respect to not let them know when...if I was ever too loud I was told about it later and told to stop. If however someone came upstairs quietly and went to open my door without knocking nothing was ever said because it had been their fault, they only knew what was occurring because I had to shout out before the door opened.

It's respect, hat has to run both ways.

Originally posted by User8911
The amount of people against this amazes me, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
Come on, it's like you we're never young. Sex is a good thing, not bad.

I had a relationship that was killed because we couldn't have sex when I was a teenager, we always had to hide, has if we did something bad.

I feel pretty sure all of you that are against it can't even talk to your kids openly about sex and how to be safe while doing it. I know it's hard, but a lot of things in parenting are.

Refusing your teen to have sex can really mess up their life, their emotions and their psychology.
And don't you come to me saying stupid things like : "Teenager's love life are not worth has much then adult's." ,
because love is has real to anyone, anywhere, any age. Whenever someone around me makes fun of teen love, even a stranger, I openly bring them back to reality. You can't judge love.

People before the 20th century mostly married in their teen years, now don't you go saying they never felt love excluding arranged marriage that never worked and only stayed together because of religion.

Sex doesn't make or break a relationship. Love is what sustains a relationship, if you and your ex girlfriend broke up because you couldn't have sex then you weren't really in love. There are many many people in relationships who wait until marriage to consumate their love for one another.

Don't make the mistake of confusing love and sex.

On topic.

This is for the parents to decide on an individual basis. Some parents might be alright with it and some might see it as disrespectful. It is their choice to make and theirs alone. Will I allow my child to have sex under my roof? I will take into account how mature she is and how long they have been in a relationship. I certainly won't even consider it until she has been with the young man for longer then 6 months and his parents, the two kids and my wife and I sit down together and discuss the topic.

I certainly won't let outside sources tell me what and how I should deal with the situation.

As soon as my son was of legal age (16), then I had no issues as long as it was a half decent relationship, not some one night stand. Tho I make the assumption they had relations, but really, I don't know as it is not something I tend to ask my son or his girlfriend.

If your 15 year old daughter is having sex...well even with all the protection and chemical contraceptives in the world...you might want to consider this prepping time. Cases of pregnancies arising out of sex where all the protection that was offered is not unheard of...matter of fact it's pretty common...so if your thinking that these are sure safe guards for teenagers to experiment with sexual partners and do it without worry....you are mistaken!..

Condoms + injections + spermacide = less than a 0.00001% chance of pregnancy. Sure they should be made aware of it, but that is a far, far cry from encouraging my teen daughter to go marry her teen boyfriend and get them off into their own home so they can actively start pumping out kids.

You make a good point...this is not the 1950's. I don't have to think very long to what the divorce rate was then and what it is now...a nice jump in families falling apart these days.

I'm sorry but you're just deluded if you think that people where happier back then and marriages where more stable. More like divorced women had a huge social stigma attached to them, as well as issues surrounding women being able to support themselves and their kids. To the point where battered women and wives that knew their husbands were sleeping around wouldn't dare say a word because they knew that society would shun them. Sure people break up way too easily now days, but lets not pretend people used to stay together because it was actually the right thing to do.

Condoms + injections + spermacide = less than a 0.00001% chance of pregnancy.

Less than one hundred thousandths...or we could say 1 in every 100,000 women, or in this case, teenage child experimenting with a sexual partner. This is still an unacceptable risk...why would 1 in 100,000 be okay if it were my daughter that happened to be that 1? It is not okay, in my humble opinion. If 1 in 100,000 15 year old girls (and yes I am calling them girls) ends up pregnant because the fun of experimenting with sex outweighed the risk of having a child at 15, and raising that child for the rest of her life...then that 1 is too many. Not good enough odds in my book. I do agree that the use of these things does decrease the chances of pregnancy, the risk is still there...and when it comes to a 15 year old child...that is not a burden I think they need to pack around for the rest of their lives.

I'm sorry but you're just deluded if you think that people where happier back then and marriages where more stable. More like divorced women had a huge social stigma attached to them, as well as issues surrounding women being able to support themselves and their kids. To the point where battered women and wives that knew their husbands were sleeping around wouldn't dare say a word because they knew that society would shun them. Sure people break up way too easily now days, but lets not pretend people used to stay together because it was actually the right thing to do.

Now this is interesting seeing as you brought it up...the introduction of the 1950's was your burden...not mine.
However I will comment on this too for the sake of discussion (not argument...please don't mistake them).

"I'm sorry you're just deluded..."

Well thank you for your sympathy...but I don't think I am deluded...I did not assume anything in mentioning that marriages in the 50's lasted, and today they don't...statistically speaking...I don't feel the need to provide a source as I am sure we can agree the divorce rate is much higher today then it was in the 1950's.

I assure you I could not pretend to know the state of a married womans happiness in her marriage in the 1950's, or the issues that might of contributed to her unhappiness...I think to assume is to err...so without knowing, and without a statistical social science studies conducted...I would be assuming. I did not assume so that is a nil issue...I simply pointed out that marriages lasted then and they do not now.

"Let's not pretend that people used to stay together because it was actually the right thing to do..."

I agree completely with this statement...let us not pretend anything...dealing with factual information is much more concise and is much better received. Why don't you do a little research and find out what truly was the reason for a marriage to succeed then where it fails so miserably today...better yet I will...that way we can compare notes and see what we come up with...that would be more fun.

I hope that staying together in a marriage is not the wrong thing to do...then or now...I mean of course there are times when a marriage must end, such as abuse, and extreme circumstance like affairs...but those are just examples of a reason that I could understand a divorce being the only way out. How many cases from the 50's do you think we can find where a woman, or man, divorces their spouse because they were just unhappy...nothing more...just plain unhappy? And how many cases do you think we might be able to dig up for the unhappy... and for no other reason... divorced person in this day and age?

reply to post by Domo1


In this psychologist's humble opinion . . .

1. There is NO SAFE WAY to encourage kids to do a wrong thing.
2. Rebellion against God's rules for healthy living is deadly and likely eternally deadly--particularly with parents acquiescing about the behaviors.

3. I don't know that pat answers with teens are very effective in many respects.
4. However, drawing a line and making it stick in terms of consequences is better than being wishy-washy about eternal issues and life/death behaviors.

5. The time to solve teen problems is between the ages of 0 and 8 years. After that, it's catch-up at best.
6. HOW TO HAVE A NEW KID BY FRIDAY is probably one of the best books I know in terms of relating to teens and setting limits for teens.

7. ATTACHMENT DISORDER IS DREADFUL FOR ALL CONCERNED. PREVENT IT. FIXING IT IS A BEAR OF A CHALLENGE AND NEVER QUITE GOOD ENOUGH--JUST A WHOLE LOT BETTER THAN *NOT* WORKING HARD TO FIX IT. The best book on that is

ATTACHMENTS: Why you love, feel and act the way you do

www.amazon.com...=nb_sb_ss_i_2_52?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=attachments+why+you+love+feel+and+act+the+way+you+do&sprefix= attachments+why+you+love+feel+and+act+the+way+you+do&x=0&y=0

8. Loving kids is a super high priority. Often, saying ABSOLUTELY NOT--and if you do it anyway--the definite firm and costly consequences will be--is the highest form of love.

9. Teens that have not bonded sufficiently with Dad usually have to be treated somewhat as independent peers in our permissive rebellious society. That's no reason to lay down on the job and throw in the towel. See HOW TO HAVE A NEW KID BY FRIDAY. It's powerful, clear and effective when earnestly and consistently applied.

10. Pastor Henry Wright asserts that ALL ADDICTIONS are a DESPERATE search for the love Daddy didn't provide sufficiently well or enough of. I think he's absolutely right. That includes sex addictions.

www.beinhealth.com...

11. My students used to ask me in Taipei . . . "Dr Bo Xian, what do you think of girls in miniskirts?"

I'd remind them of the 3 things one needs to know to determine if something is good, bad; better, worse; etc.

A) WHAT IS THE RELATED GOAL?
B) WHAT IS THE CRITERIA OR STANDARD OF MEASURE THAT INFORMS YOU WHEN YOUR GOAL HAS BEEN REACHED?
C) WHAT IS THE CONTEXT?

12. IF the girl's goal is to sell herself at the cheapest price to the lowest bidder as a slightly better experience than masturbation--then miniskirts are a great way to go.

13. If the girl's goal is to find a soul-mate that will cherish her as his one and only super intense life-long sexual partner in an unending and always unfolding and enriching sexual and emotional etc. dance, probably a miniskirt is the worst route to that goal.

14. And I still talk in my classes about what sex means.

A) Is it just a cheap, shallow, brief orgasm?
B) Is it a dance of lies? Is it a fool's tango on the razor blade edge of tragic consequences?
C) Is it a substitute for the love that Daddy didn't provide well enough or enough of?
D) Is it a desperate cry and scratching for a sense of feeling worth something even if it's only for 2-20 minutes only to be tossed aside like a used condom?

15. IF one wants the best sex, the research is clear--Born Again Evangelical Christians in life long relationship marriages have consistently reported the best ratings on quality fulfilling sex for decades.

16. If one wants the cheapest scratch with the least responsibilities for the briefest of engagements . . . masturbate. But even that has consequences. Men well practiced in getting off in 2 minutes are usually the most fulfilling partners for women who's experiences take longer.

17. If one wants a pretend one night or one week or a few months Hollyweed Fling and to delusionally fantasize that such is going to be lastingly endearing and constructively productive for their life--with no serious negative consequences--they need therapy. Serious therapy. Sex wasn't designed that way and doesn't work that way--no matter what the globalist nihilist idiots assert.

18. There is NO SUCH THING as cheap sex. Sex always has consequences. It either enriches a marriage or dries and corrupts the bones, the soul, the mind and a string of relationships. And that's not even getting into Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

19. Most folks--teens and adults alike--in and out of marriages--engage in pathetic types of sex because it's as close as they can get to feeling warm, worth something and a good dopamine high.

20. They were never taught the strength, self-worth, vulnerability, . . . dance . . . of sharing caring, cherishing another in a deepeningly enriching way in a life long relationship. So they desperately settle for 10th or 20th best.

There is a better way to go. Follow The Manual. God wrote The Book on Being Human in all the important respects. Violate it at your own risk.

If the kids are raised properly,

the question would never arise...

Would I allow my child to have sex at home? Absolutely not.

If he does something behind my back; it's out of my control. By giving him permission; that would mean I advocate him being sexually active in the first place. Kids are going to do what they want. I'm just not going to tell him "it's cool". The only thing we as parents can do anymore is to advise them on the responsibility that comes with it, and teach them about safe sex. Discouraging it completely doesn't hurt either. However, pushing them hard to refrain from being sexually active only brings out more rebelliousness.

Originally posted by BiggyMcBigPants
You know what is amazing? It seems like parents were almost never children or something. Like, once a certain age is reached all the mischievous stuff you did as a teen is blocked or erased entirely and they adopt the "parental" persona. Teens have sex. Teens had sex when you were a teen OP. Teens will have sex when your current teens are parents and wondering if they should allow their kids to have sex in their homes. It is cyclic and never ending.

Now, on to actually commenting on the topic at hand? Yes, let them have sex in the home, as long as parental consent of ALL parties (ie. all the parents) is in the positive. And drinking too.

Disclaimer: I have no kids.

i was pretty alarmed at reading this until i reacher the disclaimer at the end . being a parent usually forces someone to mature if they haven't already. part of becoming mature is understanding the rules your own parents put in place even though you most likely disagreed with them at the time. parents have your best interests at heart and understand the dangers of sexual activity at a young age such as getting pregnant. no parent should encourage their children to have sex under any circumstances and this would greatly encourage it. that being said, children will have sex and you should educate them on safe sex.

As a father of a 13 year old son, I am officially putting my fingers in my ears, closing my eyes, and saying "la la la" till this thread goes away!

Wow, what a tough question. I've tried to teach my son that having sex before marriage is not the best path to take. He has said "I'm not ready to be a daddy". Hopefully he'll keep that in mind. If he doesn't, I'm hopeful that he'll use protection.

But doing in my house? I couldn't support this. I can sympathize with those that say you'd rather them do it in your house than somewhere else. I'd just rather it not happen there. I wouldn't want to be put in the position of having to defend it to some girl's parents. I've been teaching my son personal responsibility, and if he's old enough to perform the act, he's old enough to accept responsibility for it. I hope.

/TOA