NY Times Article: My Ex-Gay Friend

One Saturday afternoon last winter, I drove north on Route 85 through the rolling rangeland of southeastern Wyoming. I was headed to a small town north of Cheyenne to see an old friend and colleague named Michael Glatze. We worked together 12 years ago at XY, a San Francisco-based national magazine for young gay men, back when we were young gay men ourselves.

A lot had happened in the decade since we last saw each other: he and Ben started a new gay magazine (Young Gay America, or Y.G.A.); they traveled the country for a documentary about gay teenagers; and Michael was fast becoming the leading voice for gay youth until the day, in July 2007, when he announced that he was no longer gay.

Source article

Well, the fact that he can have sex with a woman without shrieking in revulsion makes me think that he's probably bi in all actuality, but that's neither here nor there.

How do you go from being an ardent supporter of gay youth and being in a relationship for ten years to that? I mean, equating the mere idea of homosexuality being given to youth with pornography? I understand that some people flip-flop from gay to straight; it's all over the place. But the man is basically demonizing homosexuality and obviously in flagrant denial about a major part of his youth. To me, that just doesn't make any sense.

Haven't you heard? He's what's called a "flexisexual".

Google it. It's all the rage.

And that's why God gave us the Kinsey scale. Wait, did I say God? I meant Kinsey.

I doubt any of us is 100% straight or 100% gay. I find muscles and body hair extremely unattractive but I can see some men as good-looking human beings. As a rule, I think we should all just have sex with people we find sexually attractive and call it a day. We make this gay/straight crap a lot more complicated than it really is

Biologically there is no such thing as sexuality. Our concepts of sexuality were invented by society (namely religion) in order to oppress and control us.

Further in the article, more interesting from my view:

Homosexuality came easy to me, because I was already weak,” he wrote in the opening line of an article for the far-right Web site, WorldNetDaily.com. He went on to renounce his work at XY and Y.G.A. “Homosexuality, delivered to young minds, is by its very nature pornographic,” he claimed. In a second WorldNetDaily article a week later, he said that he was “repulsed to think about homosexuality” and that he was “going to do what I can to fight it.”

So he's automatically cured from having any homosexual tendancies? Amazing.

I'm straight, never found myself with feelings toward somebody of the same gender because I am simply not attracted. Why on earth would I one day want to be with another individual of the same gender? if I am not attracted? This is why I question this notion that being gay is a "choice". You cannot take a straight woman or a straight male and make them gay, unless for some reason they are forced into that situation, but even then it's not an emotional choice. There's no logic behind this claim that people choose it because there is no point, considering societies attitude, and there is no push factor, no emotional factor. Being gay is not a choice, being bi is not a choice, if you have feelings for the same sex, it's deeper than skin, it's not something you simply choose. How many of us can say we chose to be straight? Were we all born and we simply chose to be straight from then on? Or did we come into this world with such emotions??

Now, I distinguish "feelings" and "emotions" from sexuality. While they are tied in many ways, sexuality can be something completely on it's own, just like a fetish. Generally humans are bi-sexual in my opinion, as much as people tend to deny it. This doesn't however make it mutually exclusive with holding emotions and feelings for somebody else.

reply to post by SG-17

Just ridiculous and evidence of poor intellect. You have been fooled into thinking your sickness is natural by gay doctors making excuses for not only their depravity but for all gays by fabricating the myth people are born gay.

I had a former sports team mate who came out the closet years ago, his voice jumped four octaves and his mannerisms altered instantly. Its all fake!

reply to post by Southern Guardian

Dont be so negative, people are cured of mental illness all the time. Who knows what advances will be made in the mental health fields, curing gayness may be next.

Originally posted by lestweforget
reply to post by Southern Guardian

 

Dont be so negative, people are cured of mental illness all the time.

Mental illness? I'm guess those gays with PHD's and perfectly raised adopted kids must have some mental illness. What a wowzer. I'm not sure that labelling gays with some illness really proves a point if any.

reply to post by lestweforget


In regards to your team mate....

It's unfortunate for him he had to try to "fit in" with a stereotype he thought the "rest of us" would accept. When I "came out" (even using that bothers me, I just told the truth really, I came out of nothing) my voice did not change, I did not get effeminate, I just continued on my life as a man. What he did is what alot of people do when they feel they do not fit in, they try to conform to what they view is acceptable to that group. Even though sexuality should be no basis for one to fit in with social interactions. It's sad that alot of people feel the need to fit into a stereotype to feel accepted by anyone.

reply to post by Southern Guardian

I never mentioned anything about intelligence or the ability to procreate, and you certainly dont need intelligence to breed, unfortunately.

Originally posted by gnosticquasar

How do you go from being an ardent supporter of gay youth and being in a relationship for ten years to that? I mean, equating the mere idea of homosexuality being given to youth with pornography? I understand that some people flip-flop from gay to straight; it's all over the place. But the man is basically demonizing homosexuality and obviously in flagrant denial about a major part of his youth. To me, that just doesn't make any sense.

A certain personality type is attracted to extremes. (This should be no surprise to those who've spent any time on ATS...).

Consider two men. One is gay, but lives a quiet, unassuming life where (like most people, gay or straight) his sexuality is only one part of a complex personality and is not usually a matter for discussion in public life. Later in life, he discovers he doesn't mind women after all, so he makes a change, but there is little in his public life that would let a casual observer know that a change has been made. This is what I would consider a "normal" person, at home and comfortable with both his sexuality and his understanding of his own identity.

Now we have the other man, also gay. Rather than live a quiet, unassuming life as the first man, this man makes Gay Rights has life mission and the defining core of his idenity. He makes a lot of noise about it, traveling around the country promoting gay rights, making films, winning awards, elbowing his way to the front of the actvist scene. Then, in time, he grows disenchanted with his life. Maybe he's bored after 10 years of taking busses cross country to deliver the same speeches at the same places to the same types of people. Maybe he's identified some flaw in his ideology, or maybe he is repulsed by the social climbing and petty backstabbing of the high-end activist world (such things must surely exist in that world, as they exist in all worlds populated by driven, intelligent, competitive people). Maybe he simply finds himself attracted to a woman for the first time and has to reevaluate his whole self-image.

Now, compare the two men. They are both gay and they both change their mind about their sexuality in some way. Because the first man is not obsessive about his sexuality, he can handle the transition while remaining "who he is" essentially (i.e., keeping his essential identity). The second man, however, has made his gayness the central defining theme of who he is, so when he finds himself questioning the foundations of his belief, it seems like his whole fundamental self is at risk. He panics. The other extreme (ie., making anti-gay proouncements, etc.) looks comfortable and solid to him not becuase of the content of its theories, but simply because it is another extreme. Having spend his whole adulthood rapped up in radical politics, a 180-degree-turn brings him to a similar state of extreme belief that, while opposite in ideology, is familiar and comforting in tone and style.

Thus we have gay activists who turn straight, fundamentalists who tearfully leap from the closet and proclaim themselves gay, communists who become far-rightists (or vise-versa), and on and on. These people jump from one extreme of a spectrum to another without considering the middle because they are at home and happy at the extremes, where everything is clear and black-and-white and all questions are answered. What really makes these people uncomfortable is not the opposite extreme, but ambiguities and complexities involved in staking out a nuanced position somewhere between the extremes.

Originally posted by lestweforget
reply to post by Southern Guardian

 

I never mentioned anything about intelligence or the ability to procreate, and you certainly dont need intelligence to breed, unfortunately

Does not matter, you generalized all gays as having a mental illness, despite the fact there is absolutely nothing wrong with them, mentally, physically, generally. It's just an empty label, really.

Originally posted by SG-17
Biologically there is no such thing as sexuality. Our concepts of sexuality were invented by society (namely religion) in order to oppress and control us.

LoL i have no opinion as far as gay and straight, I really dont care.........but this comment is just ignorant....

Sexuality by marion webster: a : the condition of having sex
b : sexual activity

Of course there is a difference biologically..........biologically one can procreate and another cant......

Seriously.......

reply to post by gnosticquasar


I think many gay people grow up knowing they are 'different' and they are taught to be ashamed, embarrassed and to hate themselves. Some people just cannot handle it so they do whatever they can to 'act' straight, including hating gay people - a manifestation of hating themselves. I don't rally blame someone for wanting to get away from something they've been taught to hate about themselves. But I do feel terribly sorry for them.

Originally posted by ManBehindTheMask
Of course there is a difference biologically..........biologically one can procreate and another cant......

Gay people can procreate. Happens all the time. Their reproductive system works exactly the same way as a straight person's.

Michael looks troubled and is still unsure that GOD will save him from his own immortality. I can see it in his eyes, and after reading the article he is fearful of death in such a fashion that he believes that he should suffer (I wonder what gave him that idea?)

I feel for Ben, I really do; there is a favorite saying of mine, "its easier if they die than if they leave you", and I know that sounds cruel but nothing hurts so badly than to be rejected by the living!

Michael has touched his Spirit and he believes a Religion can help him, this is OK, but he is also hurting others in the process so he is walking a road that purposefully causes pain rather than embracing a "new paradigm" of Spirituality.

I once loved a woman, and this was after I knew my true physical attraction towards men, I loved her and I was never effected by my thoughts of men while I was with her. So I was fully convinced it is the person we love and not the physical attributes. Love is a wonderful thing regardless of who it is coming from, as long as the person can reciprocate that Love.

I think about my past girlfriend often, she passed away about 10 years ago from cancer, and although I did not get to say goodbye I did get to tell her I was gay; she said she knew it the moment she met me and she adored me no matter what, I felt the same way!

I now have been with my partner for 24 years, we are not Gay in the sense of our social behaviors and we are certainly not gay in the sense of our intimacy, but we Love each other and we are committed to being there for one another thick or thin. So now I have moved beyond the sexuality of Gay and embraced my Human side of companionship!

I do hope Michael realizes it isn't over yet, the Journey has just begun and being Gay will not condemn a person to eternal damnation; that comes to everyone that lives a lie no matter what sex they are oriented towards.

Originally posted by lestweforget
reply to post by SG-17

 

Just ridiculous and evidence of poor intellect. You have been fooled into thinking your sickness is natural by gay doctors making excuses for not only their depravity but for all gays by fabricating the myth people are born gay.

I don't know whether or not you are just a troll are a genuine bigot, but you are the one with poor intellect. There is no such thing as "gay" or "straight". I am not "gay" and you are not "straight". Each individual has their own level of attraction based on personal experience and brain chemistry. Some may have a greater attraction to the female form, some to the male, some to parts from both. As well I find it very telling that you assume that I am "gay" just because I support equality.

reply to post by SG-17


I come from a different standpoint that you (religious, socially conservative); but I've reached the same conclusion:

Human sexuality is a complex constellation of behaviors, many of them are not innate, but merely unconscious. Every person's "gender" is actually unique to that person; morever, it changes through time.

I think that labels like "gay" and "straight" are artificially, and fail to even begin to address people who are bisexual.


In my personal opinion, you are only as gay, or as straight, or as asexual, as your most recent encounter.