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Fathers’ Advices Over the Years
Over the centuries fathers have given their children plenty of good advice; here are some examples which you find quite amusing.
Columbus’ Father: I don’t care what you’ve discovered, Christopher. You could have written.
Michelangelo’s Father: Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?
Napoleon’s Father: All right, Napoleon. If you aren’t hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it.
Goldilock’s Father: I’ve got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. Do you know anything about this Goldie?
Albert Einstein’s Father: But, Albert, it’s your senior picture. Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something…?
Thomas Edison’s Father: Of course, I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!
Humpty Dumpty’s Father: Humpty, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? No!
Today nearly 100 years have elapsed since the first father's Day was celebrated. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses. Today, it's the size of his minivan.
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.
In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.
In 1900, a father smoked a pipe. If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on throat cancer.
In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school." Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it's time for baseball practice."
In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table. Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."
In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream. Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE..