The Last Age of Freedom Unless We Fight (Personal and Important)

The Last Age of Freedom Unless We Fight

Since I was child I’ve always asked “why”.

For each child this is THE question. WHY? Our reality is an abundance of questions that as we grow older even our parents do not know. Everyone tries to understand no matter how old they grow. Some stop asking the questions while some can never get the question out of their mind.

I am one of those who cannot get the question out of my mind.

When I was young I just lived. As life got more complex with more ideals and more people I became confused as to how I should act and lost my true way as I slowly succumbed to my peers.

It became not only apparent to me later in life that what my peers had impressed upon me was very much quite the opposite of what I needed. I wished I had listen to my parents more as well as wished more guidance on their part as they almost seemed to let the chips fall as they may. To a small degree I agree with that but on the other hand perhaps not, as I seem to have not be on track for many years.

What changed you may ask? I started to view myself as an outsider due to how I was treated in school and that there became a point of interference as I thought I was to follow one way yet according to my peers I was to follow another. I experienced severe hardships by my peers because to them I was seemingly not flowing the “right” way. Looking back it seems to be a perfect case of “Pavlov’s Dog”.

I literally became split, wanting to do what my parents wanted and what my peers pretty much demanded of me through provocation and eventually acceptance. In the course that followed I experienced a sever bout of two months of depression where I would awake in the morning to being and having an experience of a panic attack to only end the day by passing out due to pure exhaustion from said panic attack. In between could be described as nothing less than horror.

The problem was is that I’ve been split down the middle and at this point my sibling began to show harsh signs of a disorder that I will not name due to the fact that if given the chance everyone would have a disorder. I’m afraid that everyone will eventually be diagnosed with a problem of some kind.

I was split and I turned to substance abuse because it allowed a temporary escape. As I watched my sibling spiral down into an abyss that needed an escape, my need own need to escape became greater as I began to suffer depression and trauma as I watched it all be fold before my very eyes.

My sibling and I were at one time both happy as at the time in which we happy was looked upon as “good” however as time went on and my sibling experienced a downward spiral and I did as well. I looked to substance to ease the pain however looking back all it did was add to that pain. I often wonder if easing that pain through substance would have even mattered whether I had continued it or not due to my deep feeling for my sibling.

Shortly after this time I found myself looking for the answers of life. Even more so then when I was a young teenager. Not only inside as I had done since a young teenage boy but as a young adult.

Unfortunately as doing so I could never give up the one thing that made it all go away as I continued to learn of the world and its seeming true way. A way that, if one had true empathy, would affect severely anyone who cared. Unfortunately I found a life outside and beyond any one person, a side of at least a partial true world that would prove to be apathetic that contained very few individuals who felt it in their addiction to continue the relentless history power and money to continue what has been since the beginning of known society.

Although I had thought about such a thing as such apathetic people since I was a very young teenager it was only when I began to look that I became witness to it through media and now I must wonder if that is even true. I know that what I say must sound delusional but, if true, it would be hard to not delude oneself that the reality we may possibly face maybe one of delusion for those of us who are raised with proper values would find it most difficult to believe such things go on in the world. By stating such a thing I must state that as important as it is to believe what we are told we also must break it down for analysis. We must put the pieces together. The most curious thing is that what I am told to believe and what I believe in my heart are beginning to add up to one and the same. There is to be a war that if has not already begun then it will soon begin. To what end I’m not sure.

To a degree I blamed my sibling and parents for letting me discover such things yet how can I blame them? It's not heir fault that I discovered reality is it? Whatever the case, it seems, there are wars on many fronts that have taken place. Brother against brother. What sense is there to all this madness? Are people so blind with the idea that power and money are the only things that matter?

In over a decade of searching for the truth of the state of the world and how man can be so cruel to fellow man I fell into a trap in which I wish to forget this world through substance yet I also wish to engage it and try to turn things around. One way or another it’s a matter of strength as it takes such strength to both avoid it and or conquer it.

At one point, if we wish to help those today and of the future, then we must find the courage to conquer. I’ve tried to lose myself in substance but this has proven absolutely fruitless. There is only one answer:

Face reality and fight. To what end I cannot be sure. Listen to and follow your heart and you shall be righteous and shall not fall to those who wish you to fall. You can believe what you want to believe but I feel that If we as a people do not fight then I feel that this will be the last age of freedom.

Peace & Respect,

-AS-



ETA: I hope anyone who has read this can take something positive away from what I wrote.