Is Friends With Benefits...

obtainable? I've recently broke up from a 6 year relationship and I don't want anything serious for awhile. What do you think is the best way to tell a female you just want a FWB relationship? Should I just bring it up from the start or would this turn them off? I mean honesty is the best policy but let's face it, women like games and drama...

Also, anyone try internet dating? Can you share your experiences? Thanks

reply to post by blackrain17


Be honest from the beginning!!!!! I was in what I thought was a relationship, but he just wanted a FWB. We hung out, spent holidays together, did everything "normal" couples do. 3 months into it, I asked about exclusivity and he looked at me as if I just told him his mother died.
So be honest! There are plenty of women who want a FWB situation. I did at one point in my past. After my divorce, the last thing I wanted was another relationship. It worked out great. As long as two people are on the same page and continue to stay on the same page, it should work.

I have tried internet dating, now that I'm ready for something serious. Eventhough I state I'm looking for something with substance, I still get about 5 emails a day from guys looking for a FWB situation. If you go online, you may be able to find exactly what you are looking for. Good luck!

reply to post by blackrain17


It's understandable that you need to take some time before you commit again , but I would strongly advise that you let that be known to anyone you choose to engage with sexually , preferably before you initiate sex. There are probably many others who are feeling as you do , and it will be a relief to feel they have no expectations to live up to besides friendship ,and an occasional carnal indulgence.

Honesty is always the best policy,especially if you are sincerely attaching a friendship tag to the relationship.


Good luck with finding the right person , or persons to fulfill this type of relationship , and make sure to take good safety precautions, and take care of your health.

Thanks gals, it's good to get women's perspective on things like this.

Both people need to agree that this is what it is...otherwise, somebody gets hurt.

Of course, even if this is the case, it could always be that one has real feelings for the other, and is simply "settling" for what they can get at the time, (while hoping they can make it into more).

What's the real reason you want this type of arrangement?

Is it to be with other people also?

How do you know the friendship shouldn't go further? Friends make the best lovers after all, and the best chance at long lasting happiness (I married my friend 7 years ago, and we've been happy. She's definitely the one for me).

Not looking for anything serious, well keep it zipped! These women are someone's daughter's,sister's and mother's.So respect women,they are not rags!

I mean honesty is the best policy but let's face it, women like games and drama...

reply to post by blackrain17


No that is true women do like games. Even though they say they don;t.

reply to post by Denco


I agree honesty is the best policy right. But I mean how are you goning to meet a woman right off the bat whether it be online dating or meeting a lady at the bar, park, library ,basketball court,city council meeting, that is going to be open to FWB. Won;t they think oh your just a player or whatever, ANd mean and women are conscious of not wanting to be precieved as what is a clean word to use. as some one who deosn;t sleep around with alot of different guys.

I meand don;t you have to know someone to do a FWB??

Originally posted by 13th Zodiac
Not looking for anything serious, well keep it zipped! These women are someone's daughter's,sister's and mother's.So respect women,they are not rags!

I think he would be showing respect by saying he isn't interested in a long term thing, but wants someone to 'cuddle" with. There may be many self respecting women who feel the same.
At least he's not leading them on just for sex, and playing with their hearts.

Originally posted by Gazrok
Both people need to agree that this is what it is...otherwise, somebody gets hurt.

Of course, even if this is the case, it could always be that one has real feelings for the other, and is simply "settling" for what they can get at the time, (while hoping they can make it into more).

What's the real reason you want this type of arrangement?

Is it to be with other people also?

How do you know the friendship shouldn't go further? Friends make the best lovers after all, and the best chance at long lasting happiness (I married my friend 7 years ago, and we've been happy. She's definitely the one for me).

I don't know if you read my OP but I just got out of a long-term relationship and I don't want to jump right in to anther serious relationship anytime soon. I don't know if you are a male or a female but us males have needs and I don't want to lead them on thinking we're gonna get married in 6 months or something. I'm in my 30s and many women my age are looking to get married. That is the reason why I started this thread.

Originally posted by 13th Zodiac
Not looking for anything serious, well keep it zipped! These women are someone's daughter's,sister's and mother's.So respect women,they are not rags!

Really? I mean, not all men and women are created equal. Some of us need the opposite sex's touch. Maybe your "values" are different than mine but I'm looking for someone that is open to friendship with benefits. That is the reason why I'm asking people what the best way is to get a FWB type of relationship. Please, don't judge people because you see things differently.

reply to post by American-philosopher


LOL... You are correct. It's gonna be hard for me to meet women if I'm completely straight forward and saying, "Would you like a FWB type of relationship?" But I think there are some out there that are in similar situations where they were in a long-term relationship and not ready to just jump in to another serious one.

Not sure since I'm rusty but I think I can't be too direct and I can't be too sly. I just need to meet women and test it out.

reply to post by blackrain17


Don't know really, but shouldn't be that hard, I think FWB is the norm when it comes to females or pretty much 99.9876432% of all relationships, so I really don't think it would be all that hard to find a female looking for the same thing, as long as you to have some benefits as well that is.

Don't have no experience with it, but it's easily observable to witness in everyday life. And as long as your straight up and don't try to deceive each-other from the start it shouldn't be a problem. But yes your right women like games and drama they thrive off it, so expect something in that form or another no matter why, what, or who you poke around with. Drama and games are the norm not the exception no matter what when it comes to female types, in fact all of relationships are a game in different forms with different rules.

The only real difference between males an females is that females would want you to guess those rules, were as males would usually tell you. Though I would stay away from the guessing game, its annoying and pointless.

reply to post by blackrain17


Yeah your best bet might be in the club I hope your dance moves are not rusty.

Be honest for sure! If they don't like the honesty, so be it. But definitely tell them up front in the beginning so they know what they are getting themselves into from the get go. I'm sure FWB relationships can work out, but usually one person ends up having feelings in the end and it can get nasty.

As for online relationships, I have tried a few, and had a good time, but if one or the other isn't willing to move at a certain point and be with the person in physical, it most likely wont work out. Its hard to not be around the person you love after awhile.

I agree honesty is the best policy right. But I mean how are you goning to meet a woman right off the bat whether it be online dating or meeting a lady at the bar, park, library ,basketball court,city council meeting, that is going to be open to FWB.

A couple of websites come to mind. Not my bag (I'm a happily married guy), but I've heard that Plenty of Fish and Adult Friend Finder are the best. I don't know the exact URLs, just heard the names in conversation.

reply to post by Gazrok


Wink, wink, of course it's not from your personal experience but you've heard from a friend right? Thanks for the info I'll check it out.

reply to post by Jess_Undefined


Thanks I'll try my best to not lead them on...

reply to post by blackrain17


Im just saying, if you don't let the girl know up front what you expect out of it, they may throw that in your face if and when they develop feelings, so that way theres no way for the girl to say "Well you led me on, you made me think you really liked me." And good luck with that!

Theres nothing wrong with FWB relationships, I only had about two, and the first one I developed feelings and the other guy didnt feel the way same it ended bad. The second one, the guy got feelings and I didnt feel the same way and that made me feel bad. So everytime, someone ended feeling bad. They can work, as long as the rules are known and theres no expectations.

It's obtainable, but it NEVER works out. It's easy to keep up sex without emotion if you change up partners every session. When your sleeping with someone over, and over just for the sex; feelings get caught sooner or later. Your not going to keel over and die from withstanding from sex for a while. Give it all a break for a while. Sex, and relationships. It'll do you good.