I'm an Addict

I wish to tell everyone on ATS the I'm an alcoholic and that it has ruined my life. There Are many things that I've done and regretted. I've come to believe that one of the reaons why I've done what I've done is due to the feeling that I have NO power.

If ANYONE else feels this way I would hope that they understand that they are not alone. I've done many thing that make me ashamed and wish that I had done things different but what I most hope is that others will not fall into the trap that I've fall into..... It's not an easy trap to escape from.

reply to post by AeonStorm


ok 12 step program huh

Originally posted by pcrobotwolf
reply to post by AeonStorm

 

ok 12 step program huh

A twelve step program does no good for me as I believe that the only person who can change me is ME! I do know where you are coming from though ...

How many of us have some type of problem that we have trouble overcoming.... I would think many but perhaps that is not the case and I wish It so......

I've been suffering from alcoholism for a long time and It's basically turn my life into s### ...... I SO want to turn it around but I find it almost impossible to do so.

I have to much pride to go to a community ..... is there anything else I can do? I have a feeling that I'm not the only one on this site that is currently having such problems.

-AS-

reply to post by AeonStorm


I am also an addict. I will not comment on my addiction but I guess no matter what The addiction. Us addicts all Go through the same trails and tribulations.


Best wishes to you my friend.

If anyone on this site is having problems with physical addiction then let this small piece of cyber space be your place to let it all out.

I know that there is much more problems in regards to drugs then is being led onto .... I'm coming clean and there is a power in those who are under the influence of substances to come clean and possibly find a way to come clean for themselves.

This is not something to be ashamed of!

-Peace-

AS

Originally posted by AeonStorm
I wish to tell everyone on ATS the I'm an alcoholic and that it has ruined my life. There Are many things that I've done and regretted. I've come to believe that one of the reaons why I've done what I've done is due to the feeling that I have NO power.

If ANYONE else feels this way I would hope that they understand that they are not alone. I've done many thing that make me ashamed and wish that I had done things different but what I most hope is that others will not fall into the trap that I've fall into..... It's not an easy trap to escape from.

edit on 12-6-2011 by AeonStorm because: (no reason given)

You are not alone either my friend...Drink & drugs have altered my life completely...I think you couldn't have said it better...The feeling of no power.

The problem with alcohol is that there is no easy way of stopping once you become dependent on it...Best thing is to put down the drink, re-assess & make those changes in your life for the better.

Things I've done, my closest family & friends don't even know about yet...But they are going to eventually...I'm at a crossroads in my life, where I'm at a loss.

Very very tempted to get on a plane to anywhere right now......Just not in a good place right now, so I completely understand where you're comin' from...Try keep your head up. Keep looking & moving forward, then things may start to get better...One step at a time I guess..

Weight of the world is crushing my shoulders...& things are gonna be turned upside down once the truth comes out...Sometimes I don't know whether it's worth it anymore.

Thank you for some of the kind words.

I can't help but tear up at the thought that maybe I do not have the strength to change. My friends have abandoned me and I do not blame them.... My family is wanting to have less and less to do with me....


I MUST change and it MUST do with ME changing .... Why is it so hard??

This was an eye opener...I am a recovering alcoholic...and have been sober a number of years now. The day I had my last drink (which is coming up...June 20th will be 6 years) was not the day I put it down though. I was hauled off to jail...again...and it was taken from me. Thank God (I choose to thank Him) because certain death was my fate it seemed.

My sentencing judge sent me to a long term in patient rehab...and with a lot of work...I managed to put one day in front of another and stay sober long enough for it to add up to years.

I don't have any answers that are easy...but I do have a solid testimony that it does not have to be a part of your life if you find help...maybe here on ATS from another alcoholic...maybe a little stay in a rehab...somewhere...but your going to have to find some help.

If there is anything I can do...anything at all...let me know! The road you are on has been taken before, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel my freind...this is a good step...just admitting there is a problem.

My sincere best wishes...hang in there!

Good luck with your addiction. I hear that admitting it to yourself is a big step so maybe you are on your way to changing things for yourself. I think you are right about programs too. The only person that can change you is you.

My father was or is a drunk. i mean one. I have not spoken to him in more than 10 years. Best 10 years of my life. I do not blame it on his drinking as much as many would. In the end he was a POS and even though he was always drunk, i do not think he would have been much better sober. who knows.

anyway, good luck to you. Just keep telling yourself "No more regrets!"

reply to post by jerryznv


I guess all of us who have some type of addiction will have to find something that we can either use to find our way out of addiction or perhaps our way to live with or without furthering that addiction.

I've lost much in just the past year and if you were a former addict then you know that it does not take much to lose everything that you once held close.

I'm also an addict with an addiction to a few things. I just try and tell myself that you only live once so have fun while you can as long as the family is taken care of, the bills are paid and I'm not stealing or hurting anyone else...

reply to post by AeonStorm


You know what bud.. I was in the same boat. I used to wake up drinking and black out etc.. constantly.

12 steps only pissed me off and made me really want to drink.

I just woke up one day and decided I did not want to die that way. I had the worst hangover.. hands shaking etc. Broken stuff in my room. I just had had enough. Until you reach that point it will continue.

It changed my life... I have not drank anything since that day (14 years ago). I lost all my friends.. but you know what? I am a much much happier and healthier person now and the urge to drink almost never rears its ugly head. Once or twice a year maybe..

It was hard there is no doubt but if you can find even one person who cares about you I would use them and ask for help.

edited part: I do still consider myself to be alcoholic and will never forget it. It takes awhile I would say if you want to quit before you should go around anyone or anyplace that drinks or serves alcohol. I can do it now.. it does not bother me at all. The first 4 years it bugged the crap out of me. I called a friend the day I quit drinking... asked her to pick me up and keep me secluded at her house for a week until I could think even a little bit.

reply to post by AeonStorm


I lost it all too...everything...my family, my job, my kids, my wife, etc...and I know exactly what it means to lose the things you love and to know why. At the end of my drinking days I actually ended up hating the bottle, myself, and seemed like everyone else...mostly because they just did not understand.

Come to find out I was the one who did not understand...I was an addict and it was a series of bad decisions that made my life what it ended up back then...it sucked to finally have to face it all and to know it was my fault. It was out of my control...the drink was needed...everything else I could live without it seemed like.

There is hope...and a damn good chance for you to get beyond this...this is the first step...admitting you have a problem and it is out of control.

The wreckage of the past can be cleaned up...it takes time and work...but it can be done. More of my testimony...my wife, my children and I are all back under the same roof and living well today. I work full time, and managed to go back to college and get a degree (working on another now too), and I have the opportunity to go to work today and counsel other alcoholics and addicts...that is still amazing to me!

Whatever seems to be lost right now is not what is really important...getting better is! The losses can become gains in the end, but there is some steps to making it all fit together.

Youve made a tremendous leap forword by just admitting you have a problem here. Good luck and keep the faith so it keeps you strong.

I'm an addict as well. People may disagree with me but it was a program that made it possible for me to change my life. You're right that the only person that can change you is you; however, but it's also nessasary to realize your best thinking got you where you are. It's hard to climb out of the graves we dig ourselves without someone who has done it before us: I'm not saying it can't be done like some may say in the program, but in my experience I've seen people stay clean but they also tend to stay miserable. I was very skeptical of the program when I first started coming around, I thought it was like a cult, but I kept going because no one else in my life would or could help me. People reached out to me, took me to dinner, to play disc golf, regular golf, dances, all sorts of places because I knew I couldn't hang around the people I drank/used with. I now have 392 days clean (I don't count the days, I have an app that does LOL) I'm actually happy today, and it was because I had help from others whose best thinking got them to the bottom and had others reach out and show them not only how to stay clean, but also how to live productive, happy, fulfilling lives. I highly recommend the program, and remember what they tell you are just suggestions, you don't HAVE to do anything. I know I was alone when I was drinking and using, and I don't have to be alone anymore in my recovery. I hope this post helped, it's my first post, I made an account to post, I've been reading ATS for about a year now and never felt compelled to post till now. I hope I didn't offend anyone, it's just my experience with addiction.

My hangovers are so bad that I go through sever anxiety and do whatever it takes to try to calm myself. This can mean anything to cuddling up with my pillow to having multiple massage rs pressed up against me.

I almost think that that I'm so USED to pain that it takes something extraordinary to make me feel comfortable! ..

I don't know why has happened in my life to put me in the position that I find myself in now but according to what is the "normal" ... I'm am f***ed ..... I'm still a virgin and the reason why is because I through that this is what was expected of me!

I know better know but now that I have this problem I cannot seem to escape it!

Originally posted by AeonStorm
My hangovers are so bad that I go through sever anxiety and do whatever it takes to try to calm myself. This can mean anything to cuddling up with my pillow to having multiple massage rs pressed up against me.

I almost think that that I'm so USED to pain that it takes something extraordinary to make me feel comfortable! ..

I don't know why has happened in my life to put me in the position that I find myself in now but according to what is the "normal" ... I'm am f***ed ..... I'm still a virgin and the reason why is because I through that this is what was expected of me!

I know better know but now that I have this problem I cannot seem to escape it!

You can escape it.. trust me. It seems when your in the middle that it will never stop. Making the deep decision to quit is what is holding you back. If you want to quit.. you can do it. Just reading what you have written.. I am not sure you are ready to quit.. and I am not trying to be mean. You seem to be wanting to quit and justify it at the same time. It is one or the other. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do the correct thing. You will be thankful you did in no time.


I never do this but if you want someone to talk to U2U me and I will send you my phone number.. I honestly will not preach or say there is only one way you can quit. I worked around addicts and alcoholics as well after I recovered.

Originally posted by AeonStorm
My hangovers are so bad that I go through sever anxiety and do whatever it takes to try to calm myself. This can mean anything to cuddling up with my pillow to having multiple massage rs pressed up against me.

I almost think that that I'm so USED to pain that it takes something extraordinary to make me feel comfortable! ..

I don't know why has happened in my life to put me in the position that I find myself in now but according to what is the "normal" ... I'm am f***ed ..... I'm still a virgin and the reason why is because I through that this is what was expected of me!

I know better know but now that I have this problem I cannot seem to escape it!

I feel your pain man, the comment made above by GArnold is spot on.

You will know the time when it comes...Trust in yourself to be strong. You can do it, so it's only a matter of time...
Don't worry about trivial things. My head is pretty messed up atm, so I try dealing with one thing at a time...If you overload yourself, you end up spiralling into another self-induced vortex which seems impossible to get out of...
And believe me, I'm dangerously close to the vortex every single day...One thing at a time.

I am a sober Opiod addict, been sober for a year and a half. But before I could get sober I had to lose everything first.. I dont know what your life is like, but with mine when I was using I wasnt doing anything productive with my life and I didnt have any reason to live. I was associating with the wrong people with no real friends. So I detoxed, which if your an alcoholic you will need to go some where to detox if your considering getting sober because you can have a seizure from the alcohol withdrawals. 12 step meetings helped at the beginning but once I enrolled in school and started bettering myself and made real friends I saw the cravings start to disappear. If you ever need advice please IM me. I have relapsed 3 times before i actually got lasting sobriety with different varying lengths of time clean. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, but you can do it. I just hated who Id become and knew unless I changed that I would never succeed in anything, or have anything. Getting clean is an amazing thing. It makes you realize you are capable of so much more. I hope you can find what you need to be sober

Originally posted by GArnold

Originally posted by AeonStorm
My hangovers are so bad that I go through sever anxiety and do whatever it takes to try to calm myself. This can mean anything to cuddling up with my pillow to having multiple massage rs pressed up against me.

I almost think that that I'm so USED to pain that it takes something extraordinary to make me feel comfortable! ..

I don't know why has happened in my life to put me in the position that I find myself in now but according to what is the "normal" ... I'm am f***ed ..... I'm still a virgin and the reason why is because I through that this is what was expected of me!

I know better know but now that I have this problem I cannot seem to escape it!

You can escape it.. trust me. It seems when your in the middle that it will never stop. Making the deep decision to quit is what is holding you back. If you want to quit.. you can do it. Just reading what you have written.. I am not sure you are ready to quit.. and I am not trying to be mean. You seem to be wanting to quit and justify it at the same time. It is one or the other. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do the correct thing. You will be thankful you did in no time.

edit on 12-6-2011 by GArnold because: (no reason given)

I never do this but if you want someone to talk to U2U me and I will send you my phone number.. I honestly will not preach or say there is only one way you can quit. I worked around addicts and alcoholics as well after I recovered.

edit on 12-6-2011 by GArnold because: (no reason given)

Thank you so much GArnold .....I'm coming to a point that either I try to escape what I've become or live with my addiction for ever until I die. .... I'm hoping that i get in contact with you before that happens!!

I wish I never heard of what I am going through...

Expect my call sometime soon if I have not givin up completely.