PTSD and Spiritual Awakening

My own troubling and exhausting hyper-vigilance combined with despair, foreshortened future, and situational depression led me (with the help of two excellent therapist (the first one retired and led me the next)...

* first, to more fully embrace and re-consider the occasional "religious experience" events in my life;
* second, to search for meaning and purpose in those events;
* third, to accept that the only meaning and purpose I might expect to find will be in that spiritual life (because I am broken and not getting fixed); and,
* finally, to begin to realize that the most difficult of spiritual and religious teachings (grief, mourning, poverty sick in spirit, outrage at injustice, persecution for righteousness sake, and such) may very well have resulted in the blessing of my turning away from the social expectation made upon me and learning to be more fearlessly who I really am to become-- who I want to become.

For what it is worth, when the intrusive memories of the trauma were triggered, I made a conscious effort to contemplate the sublime each time-- and it became something of a discipline. When the bad and evil stuff came, so be it; but I was then going to consciously push the pendulum to other side of the swing by remembering the altruistic experiences of my life and finding equal meaning in those: Truth, Beauty, selfless acts, mystical visions, the sense of the presence of God, beautiful music, great books, true love, and so on.

Like most of you, I am not fond of the idea of sharing the specifics of my trauma. For me, a large part of that is the reaction I have had (rare but often enough to hurt too badly) that what transpired must, somehow (even though explanation fails these accusers), to have been my own fault or deserved by me in some way-- those not effected seeking to presume some order and balance for their own sense of security at my expense. Sound familiar?

I do wonder if the connection I have hypothesized may be true in the inverse-- that is to say, that those who are likely to experience this sort of awakening, may also be psychological more vulnerable to the negative effects of trauma. Almost as bad, is the "Get over it" attitude sometimes expressed.

At any rate, my study of Transpersonal Psychology suggests to my reasoning that the experienced therapist of a patient undergoing a trans-personal "awakening" will have triggers for that spiritual journey very much in keeping with those which are typical of many persons diagnosed with PTSD-- life changing trauma and a sense of being alienated from their former lives and from the world in general.

Some of the posts above, and some of the private posts I have received, suggest that at least for some, the hypothesis has some merit.

Either way: God love you (and I'll try to).

I would be curious to hear a professional mental heath practitioners comparison of a combat veteran's mentality and civilian sociopathy.

Originally posted by 7thcavtrooper
I would be curious to hear a professional mental heath practitioners comparison of a combat veteran's mentality and civilian sociopathy.

Off topic, but obviously a question in the minds of many.

PTSD is not my professional specialty, I just live it. I probably should say that my examples I'll give are real, but not my own.

It seems the matter gets into what is "trauma" for each person. For example, a child may know daily combat situations from an abusive mother; and a corpsman may know trauma, not from combat, but from its aftermath. The type, number, and individual severity of symptoms seem to differ not only by the traumatic event, but the person's reaction to it based on prior experiences, life expectations, and such.

Persons have been in car wrecks who manifest more severe symptoms than, say, being shot and then witnessing a loved one's murder. I had a professional friend return from Somalia. I asked about "the stare" concerning the refugees, and was told that there was some, but for so many, the violence had been a way life-- the only one they ever knew. Many seemed to only have left for a refugee camp because they needed food and water-- the trauma, was not trauma to them.

P. S. It really is not wise for a professional to engage as a professional on a site such as this. Some might, but personally, I would not advise it-- and besides, we have no way of verifying credentials.

i suffer from ptsd/depression/anxiety/panic disorder

it all kind of crept up on me and ive been living in hell for the last 3 months,

living in the moment is not what its cracked up to be, i'd say its more like being constantly on edge just waiting for something terrible to happen and you are so fixated on making sure you're not dying every second that you can't think of or care about whats in your future. i personally am only hyper vigilant only to changes in my body.

but yes, other half of it is...

in this time i cant help but play with the idea that my consciousnesses has been altered. i feel that ive finally found my answer to how reality works and whats going to happen when i die. also i feel i havent gotten into REM sleep for more than a few minutes over the last few weeks but every morning for a few hours i go into this weird exhausted trancelike dream flash things that seem so incredibly real and when i wake up i feel as if ive just had either some precognition of a situation im gonna end up in or that im living my life in a different dimension while sleeping. but at the same time it makes me feel delusional and crazy.

Originally posted by xxblackoctoberxx
i suffer from ptsd/depression/anxiety/panic disorder

it all kind of crept up on me and ive been living in hell for the last 3 months,

living in the moment is not what its cracked up to be, i'd say its more like being constantly on edge just waiting for something terrible to happen and you are so fixated on making sure you're not dying every second that you can't think of or care about whats in your future. i personally am only hyper vigilant only to changes in my body.

but yes, other half of it is...

in this time i cant help but play with the idea that my consciousnesses has been altered. i feel that ive finally found my answer to how reality works and whats going to happen when i die. also i feel i havent gotten into REM sleep for more than a few minutes over the last few weeks but every morning for a few hours i go into this weird exhausted trancelike dream flash things that seem so incredibly real and when i wake up i feel as if ive just had either some precognition of a situation im gonna end up in or that im living my life in a different dimension while sleeping. but at the same time it makes me feel delusional and crazy.

That opens up a big part of the discussion concerning Transpersonal Psychology and Spiritual Awakening/Spiritual Emergence in my own reading of the subject. That one often (and is even expected to) enter a period in which he or she feels as if he perceives reality (or another Reality) that most do not perceive, and flip-flops from worrying that he is becoming delusional and then less of that and more of a certainty that other are blind to what actually is.

On this site, I can point to others doing just that: Theorist of Conspiracy, UFO/Aliens, Global Warming, Mayan Calendar, Indigo New-Agers, Planetary Impact, Religious Armageddon scenarios, and so on. There is a common thread-- that it is of persons certain that they see signs an indication of an impending and drastic change in "life as we know it" which has an element of fear mixed with a undercurrent of a NEED to believe.

Of all of those, my own certainty is that it is the spiritual life and spiritual sense that there is more than meets the eye-- something dreadful (because it is other), but... Of all of those, the spiritual emergence, alone, meets the fear with hope; and of all of those, the spiritual interpretation, alone, has not only a history throughout all ages of man, but a complex and rich one-- not limited to catastrophe.

Along those lines, my work often includes contact with the homeless. Many-- perhaps nearly all-- show signs of PTSD. Whether homelessness is cause or effect of PTSD, I cannot always determine; but the spiritual sense shared by so many of them is quite intriguing-- they have something that very few of my middle-class friends and associates know. And in fact, of those very few middle class who have a deep spirituality, nearly all also have known extreme trauma.

As for the "living in the moment" and the Hell of the panic associated with it-- that is precisely what I am hypothesizing in my original post-- that most persons go through life planning for a future which they expect to obtain, while many (not all) with PTSD cannot do so. And in that Hell, maybe there is a spiritual openness which is ours to take. That the more Hellish the worldly life, the more sublime and more palpable the spiritual one becomes.

No one would advocate slavery, but there is no doubt that, in very general terms, blacks in the United States during the slavery period responded with a deep spirituality, so much so that it became a part of culture.

reply to post by Frira


I suffered a lot of trauma and it was reinforced over many, many years, so even after the escape or removal of the conditions that caused the fear, the fear kept on screaming inside me. It is impossible to look forward to something when you know you are going to feel rubbish, and you know you will 'cause you always do.
There is a way out of this though. And the way out, is seeing for sure, there is no way out!
Each and everytime the feeling, the fear, the anxiety comes we try to escape it, to get away from it, to remove it, we resist it. This is the problem, resistance is futile. Where can you go to escape yourself?
The energy that these 'feelings' have hurt,( i know, i fought them for years ) but try staying with the energy, the sparkling light will shine when the resistance stops. It is the resistance that causes the pain

Please take a look at this video, a lady on here speaks about her experience (it's about 6 mins in).
youtu.be...

The video is Peter Brown- Miracles.
Check out his website TheOpenDoorway.Org.

Non duality, Advaita Vedanta is the way.

Namaste.

WTF...

exactly everything you just posted OP has happened within the past 2 years. my brain just melted...

wow, i was a hypochondriac until yesterday. its like a light switch that just flipped off.

now, with more clear of a head to think, i feel so spiritually enlightened. its one of those things where you dont appreciate it til its gone.

today i discovered Jainism.. it is the closest 'religion' i have found to what i think life really is.