Regarding "blame", as I've stated in many other threads and many other conversations over my life, based on the primary, secondary, and tertiary
system for "helping professionals." Primary intervention would have been the best thing here with whatever the GRANDMOTHER was dealing with as a kid.
Too late for that.
Secondary would have been to remove the girl from her addict mother, or when she was discovered pregnant at the very latest...even if that wasn't
until she went to the ER with labor pains. surely someone in her environment recognized there was something wrong with this crowd. (What human being
that is NOT psychotic can stand by and do nothing while children are being abused or neglected? What does that say about society and sub-sets of
society?)
Too late for that now, too.
Tertiary intervention, take the baby away immediately. A 12-year old barely makes a competent babysitter for latent children, let alone having
responsibility for the survival and nurturing of an INFANT.
The boy was so pre-doomed it's pathetic. So, who's to blame?
And how do some people survive horrendous childhoods and turn out okay? Indisputably, they do. Resilience is still somthing not understood by
psychology. Some kids have every advantage and turn into cold-blooded killers and cons. Some kids have NONE, and plenty of disadvantages to boot, but
turn out GREAT.
WHY?
Until we know how to determine resilience by some now unimagineable means, we can't predict who will transcend their circumstances and who will not.
The boy's "dead" eyes are indicative of attachment disorder -- complete inability to see others as human living persons with rights and feelings.
There are mounds of stories of well-meaning, educated people who adopted foreign "orphans" or "removed children", and were bitterly disappointed to
learn that it was already too late. No amount of nurturing, or therapy, can replace humanity that has been annihjlated in an infant. Ted Kaczinksi is
a good example, if you take the time to read about how his ability to respond to others was destroyed when, as a baby, he was hospitalized and his
mother was not allowed to come see him due to protocol. Over time he became "flat", the "dead eyes" thing...gradually, but unmistakeably.
No one knows which kids are going to react that way to abandonment, and which will respond to subsequent loving, nurturing care. We know there are
different levels of tolerance, and different degrees of neediness in every baby born. The key is for the parent(s) to identify their baby's limits and
ADJUST their care accordingly. It's an adult thing, not something a 12-year old can do, at least not in this day and age or this American culture.
Life in prison will not fix this boy's problems. The "costs" of imprisoning, hosptilazition, rehab efforts, meds, etc are staggering when one looks at
the time, effort, and price of doing so (there are researchers who have done those calcs - more info is available if anyone wants to know
where)....
So, what to do, then? A baby is dead. A young girls' chilldhood was taken from her. A mother of a girl was not taught how to be a mother. Who taught
her mother?
These people are caught in a complex, dysfunctional, and ongoing "family system" that has miserably failed them. As a therapist, I MIGHT be able to
sit down and, with accurate information (which is not likely to be accessed), find out in which generation it all went to hell. What was the
triggering event that sent grandmother to drug addiction? That is the starting point. Where is she now? What consequences did she receive for the
legacy she "provided" for these innocent lives who didn't ASK to be born.
SHE should be in prison for life, and the three children who exist because of her choices are ALL victims here. Two have ruined lives, and one lost
theirs altogether. It's tragic. No amount of prison time for this boy can heal him. Probably not even any amount of loving rehab. I think the best
alternative is to commit him to an institution for the criminally insane, which all by itself is a travesty. But....what else is there to do???
edit on 7-6-2011 by wildtimes because: (no reason given)
edit on 7-6-2011 by wildtimes because: (no reason given)