posted on Jun, 4 2011 @ 05:41 PM
Ok, well ever since I was a little kid ( as long as I could remember ) I've always felt different, and I never felt I fit in with anyone around me,
so I just made it look like I do ( I still do this now. I just can't find people I fit in with, so I make do with the friends I have. No matter how
many different people I meet, I never meet someone I fit/connect with. It will seem like I do for awhile, but after a few months I come to realization
that I've just been making it look like it I do, to me, and everyone around me).
I used to talk to myself in the mirror, sometimes in made up languages, sometimes in gibberish, sometimes in english ( I did this until I was 14 or
15. I'm 17 now. ) Now I shifted this into my head. I'll talk and talk and talk, as if theres another person present, but they aren't really there.
Its about anything really, no specific topic. What ever comes up. I find my self comparing things alot in my head, and carrying on conversations with
my self ). Often when I'm on the bus I feel like people are reading my thoughts, if someone laughs I think they laughed because of what I've
thought. I used to think my friends were plotting to get me. But that stopped.
Im currently in a psychology class, and my teacher has told me stories about people who are Schizophrenic, or mentally Ill basically getting their
rights taken away, and being forced to live a life thats apart from everyone else. This is the main reason why I don't want to go get tested ( even
though I basically already know the answer ). I don't want to be labelled "Schizophrenic" or "Mentally Ill" because once you are, that never goes
away. And people look down upon people like that.
I have some wierd beliefs ( about aliens. I've posted my numerous experiences on here. People call me crazy for believing in this stuff, and what has
happened to me. People routinely make jokes. Heck I can't really blame them, its some funky stuff lol. ) that could be called delusions, but I don't
call them that, because they aren't. I know when I'm hallucinating, I know how to distuingish reality from non-reality.
It hasn't caused any problems in my life. Other then messing around with my emotions sometimes, but thats manageable.