Alien cow abduction is NOT funny. I'm serious!

Milk has gone up where I live almost faster than gasoline. A half gallon used to be $2.19. It has gone up to $2.49 over the last couple of months. And I know why. Alien cow abductions. There are less and less cows everyday to give us milk. I was eating my chocolaty coco puffs this morning when this dawned on me. We didn't know how good we used to have it.

Don't get me wrong here. Cow abductions are not a new occurrence. But the frequency has just shot up. Cows are disappearing everywhere. I have some shocking evidence to back up my claims, but please, if your faint of heart, don't continue to read this. Some people just can't handle the truth.

Here is a picture made of an actual cow abduction. Now some people might scream fake, but I don't think so.
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/34440fa09b3b.jpg[/atsimg]

This photo has been analyzed by the best out there, and I assure you..it isn't a fake:
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/dae2b32caafb.jpg[/atsimg]

Now...these next images may be even more shocking to everyone than the last pic. Let me ask you...the reader. What is more shocking than seeing cows abducted? Correct...seeing NO cows at all.
This field used to contain hundreds of cows....now they are all gone.
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/142aa36e065e.jpg[/atsimg]

There were once 227 head of cattle grazing in this field. Now...where are they? I can't find any. Can you?
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/da3214f6f5a1.jpg[/atsimg]

This guy here had his entire barn full of cows totally wiped out!
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/c2f2e4d62b78.jpg[/atsimg]

What can we do to stop this? Aliens...please! We need our milk!
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/888fb5cd9c43.jpg[/atsimg]

Now I didn't just post this to rant about milk prices or to shock the viewer. There is actually something we can do to help stop this. This is very real people. And extremely serious. Don't be fooled by imitators and people chasing things that are obviously fake. Like this guy:[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/cf9dad9a409a.jpg[/atsimg]

I found this website. It's called Cowabduction.com. And it is here to help us. It offers us solutions to protect ourselves and our cattle. New warning systems are going up all across northern California and other places cows are known to frequent. [atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/f4db405935ec.jpg[/atsimg]

This gentleman wasn't worried about how he looks here. He knew protecting himself and his horses were more important. [atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/fa70fbd7be5d.jpg[/atsimg]

This ingenious distraction was devised by a frustrated rancher. It's a cow made entirely of concrete. [atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/648d11995819.jpg[/atsimg] Imagine the aliens surprise and shock when they try to abduct this little bugger and turn it inside out!

And this..well. this is the Cow Chip. A small tracking device implanted in cows that is guaranteed to work...as long as the aliens aren't yet out of range. The inventors are still working on the actual cow retrieval problem though. The best way...the best way though to prevent all of our cows from being taken though, is to make the aliens think they really aren't cows.

Here are some really upset ranchers discussing cattle terrorism, and new ways to help deal with this.


Everyone! Please. We are in this together. And we will have to work together to put a stop to this very very serious problem. Please don't make me spend more time creating another thread like this when I could be working towards halting it all together. No cows were harmed by the people in the making of this thread, but I can't speak for the aliens.

Getting abducted by a passing spaceship is certainly a frightening experience. Please visit here to see for yourself through an animation just how frighteningly scary being pulled off the earth really is for these bovines among us.

I thank you for your time. The cows thank you. Breakfast cereal eaters thank you.

Dang, milk where I am is around $4...I have yet to digest your entire theory, but I am a bit skeptical so far, lol...I will get back to you shortly...

Edit: After reviewing the visual evidence you have provided, I concur 100% that these photos are legitimate occurrences of cattle abductions and probably mutilations. These aliens seem to get some
sick pleasure from mutilating these beasts for "scientific" purposes. I bet...

The only evidence you need is in the first picture...has anyone ever seen a cow float under a spaceship without being abducted? I didn't think so. Case closed...

i think the cows are all running away from that guy in the purple shirt

this is a joke right?

reply to post by JiggyPotamus

Well..a gallon is upwards of that here too.
Think of it though. It's simple supply and demand. No cows = less milk available. I have presented irrefutable proof. Fields totally devoid of cows. It's natural to be skeptical at first. I was too. Now I don't actually know if aliens are lactose intolerant or not, but I am firmly convinced they are behind this sudden rise in prices. And I think as you digest this information, you will draw the same conclusions.

I think you should get together with PETA on this one. dress up like cows and stage a mock abuction- or wait for a real one

Milk is $1.00 a litre here in Australia

reply to post by el1jah


See...I don't think PETA really gets it. When we eat cows, they are killed in a humane fashion. We don't gut them while on a table, then turn them inside out and redeposit them in a field. Milk cows need to be protected from harm. But cows for eating, well...we are doing these cows a favor. I think PETA would side with the carnivores on this one. It's much more ethical to eat them, than to run who knows what kinds of experiments on them.

I think you should just reuse your milk you know when your done your coco puffs pour the left over milk back into the jug you wouldn't believe how much money you'll save

Hehe, star and flag for this thread. Good to see some humour here, cheered me back up it did. I say ''back up'' because I usually come to ATS in a good mood and leave feeling either angry or miserable, why do I come at all you ask? Well......it's compulsive viewing isn't it?

The first two photos are fake.

Now this is real
www.maniacworld.com...

I just realized I didn't embed the image of the cow chip tracking device I was talking about earlier. Well....here it is:
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/81c5b38f616b.jpg[/atsimg]

Wow, man, it's all real.

After the cows have been abducted they are returned to earth but are super intelligent, I have photographic proof below.

reply to post by Hawkwind.


Yeah, the problem with hyper-intelligent cows though is they refuse to be milked. That still doesn't fix the rise in cost issue.

lmao this thread is awesome

reply to post by webpirate


Bet the truth is well classified baby, got Top Secret written all over it

reply to post by uk today


Oh now that's just ludicrous. Surely the government wouldn't classify something like this. I mean...they drink milk too right? This affects them just as much as you and me!

Originally posted by webpirate
reply to post by uk today

 

Oh now that's just ludicrous. Surely the government wouldn't classify something like this. I mean...they drink milk too right? This affects them just as much as you and me!

NOOOOOO....they drink milk n alcohol baby, but they keep it hush obviously



* mines a lager n semi-skimmed *

Aliens are causing the rise in beef and milk now? First I hear girl scouts are Columbian Alien drug dealers and now this. It's about the rise in transportation. My uncle is a rancher and he get's hit hard by the amount of transport costs. Pretty sure he has said nothing about aliens abducting his cows causing the rise in prices.

I sure hope you don't think that your pigs are safe either.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/ae5aefc3e537.gif[/atsimg]

I congratulate you. For the most part, your logic is impecible! And then you stunningly weave into that mountain of logic just the proper sprinkling of factual data for a wonderous tail of cows that is moving.

I don't know if threads can be nominated for Pultizer Prizes or not, but I'll send a copy of your thesis to them pronto. Are you interested in a Noble Peace Prize? They are easy to get. We can shoot for that one too!