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Men and Child support. What is the answer?

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posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 08:26 PM
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Originally posted by CoherentlyConfused
I am only under the servitude of the welfare of my children. The state is not involved. I am paying above the state guidelines and have been for the past 8 years. I cannot stand my ex and sometimes vomit a little in my mouth when I think about him. I absolutely, unequivocally and with all my being hate my ex. Edited to add: He's not real fond of me, either.

I absolutely, unequivocally and with all my being love my children.
edit on 11-6-2011 by CoherentlyConfused because: (no reason given)

edit on 11-6-2011 by CoherentlyConfused because: (no reason given)

edit on 11-6-2011 by CoherentlyConfused because: (no reason given)


You sound like an honorable woman, and not bitter... as much as you may despise your ex. You have not let that animosity cloud your judgement or turn you into a bitter man-hating little girl in a woman's body.




posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 08:28 PM
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Originally posted by CoherentlyConfused
I am only under the servitude of the welfare of my children. The state is not involved. I am paying above the state guidelines and have been for the past 8 years. I cannot stand my ex and sometimes vomit a little in my mouth when I think about him. I absolutely, unequivocally and with all my being hate my ex.

I absolutely, unequivocally and with all my being love my children.
edit on 11-6-2011 by CoherentlyConfused because: (no reason given)


I salute you for the love you have. May I ask, Why you pay your EX above the guidelines,when you could go to court and have them reduced ? You could always save the extra money,for your children,or get a lawyer to have custody changed. Its very rare that a mother,gives up her rights,or lets the father raise the children.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 08:35 PM
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Originally posted by sonnny1

Originally posted by CoherentlyConfused
I am only under the servitude of the welfare of my children. The state is not involved. I am paying above the state guidelines and have been for the past 8 years. I cannot stand my ex and sometimes vomit a little in my mouth when I think about him. I absolutely, unequivocally and with all my being hate my ex.

I absolutely, unequivocally and with all my being love my children.
edit on 11-6-2011 by CoherentlyConfused because: (no reason given)


I salute you for the love you have. May I ask, Why you pay your EX above the guidelines,when you could go to court and have them reduced ? You could always save the extra money,for your children,or get a lawyer to have custody changed. Its very rare that a mother,gives up her rights,or lets the father raise the children.


Good questions. To be frank, I can't remember ever talking to a woman that paid support.

What were the circumstances that pressed the courts to go against the prevailing winds so to speak in your cases ma'am, if you don't mind me asking?



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 08:35 PM
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My children are where they are because it is what is best for them. Not best for me or best for him. I live in a city environment and the schools are poor. He lives in a very rural area with good schools It was a clear decision. If we had gone to court, I would have most likely been awarded custody. We never went to court.

Who has custody wasn't the issue and should never be. Moms and dads really need to take their own egos out of the equation because they are meaningless.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 08:44 PM
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Originally posted by CoherentlyConfused
My children are where they are because it is what is best for them. Not best for me or best for him. I live in a city environment and the schools are poor. He lives in a very rural area with good schools It was a clear decision. If we had gone to court, I would have most likely been awarded custody. We never went to court.

Who has custody wasn't the issue and should never be. Moms and dads really need to take their own egos out of the equation because they are meaningless.


I agree Ego,should be held out of it. But in my case,custody WAS an issue,because mom liked drugs.Mom let someone abuse "our"child.Mom didnt want to do what was right. Custody can be a issue ,in cases like that. I dont know how healthy it is to hate someone though,and how that works with raising your children. Thats got to be tough. I am just glad you have a working agreement,WITHOUT the system,being involved.
edit on 11-6-2011 by sonnny1 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 08:50 PM
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My personal hate (and yes, I despise him) for my ex has nothing to do with the love he has for his kids or their love for him. Being a good parent really has nothing to do with your relationship to the other parent.

If drugs or other abuses (substance or physical) are involved on one parent's side, then there is obviously a bigger problem and a court would need to get involved. In my case, it wasn't a negligence or substance abuse problem.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 08:59 PM
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reply to post by CoherentlyConfused
 


I agree. I'd let both of my EX's see the kids. I dont bad mouth them,and they can see them ANYTIME they want. Unfortunately,They have abandoned their responsibility's and love ,that means my children dont see their mothers.


If the system REALLY put children first,you would have a better world. PERIOD.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:01 PM
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reply to post by CobraCommander
 


i paid support voluntarily for 2 years prior to being ordered to pay it thru Child support services. i was sent a bill for past support dating back 2 years. I supplied the cancelled checks and money orders for the District Attorneys office, they then negated the multi-thousands of dollar bounty they had issued. However they still charged me nearly one thousand dollars for court and filing fees.

they is no win with the govt. was hoping that at least women would see this and admit the bias.
guess money weighs more heavily in some women's minds than integrity.

oh i still have the receipts too... and every check stub dating back 10 years. only way to fight govt bureaucracy, and greed.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:03 PM
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Originally posted by CoherentlyConfused
My children are where they are because it is what is best for them. Not best for me or best for him. I live in a city environment and the schools are poor. He lives in a very rural area with good schools It was a clear decision. If we had gone to court, I would have most likely been awarded custody. We never went to court.

Who has custody wasn't the issue and should never be. Moms and dads really need to take their own egos out of the equation because they are meaningless.


Good lord woman. You got any sisters? I am single again.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:03 PM
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reply to post by sonnny1
 


in California either partner can request a review every six months.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:03 PM
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I should add that if you do suspect some kind of abuse, physical or substance, it's your absolute responsibility to do something. If you go to court and tell the judge you suspect abuse, the judge's responsibility is to do something about it. If they do a drug test on your ex, which they will if brought up in court, then you will most likely receive custody if drugs are found in her system.

I am only speaking from the experience of being the paralegal to a family court attorney and witnessing many different situations. So please don't take my advice, go seek real legal counsel, if you feel your child is in danger.

edit on 11-6-2011 by CoherentlyConfused because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:05 PM
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reply to post by Cheesefacedogbone
 


a notarized and signed document does not negate your legal responsibility. check case law and relevant similar decision.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:07 PM
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reply to post by CoherentlyConfused
 


the argument isn't against child support per say. it is against the govt financially killing All non custodial parents.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:08 PM
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Originally posted by CaDreamer
reply to post by CobraCommander
 


i paid support voluntarily for 2 years prior to being ordered to pay it thru Child support services. i was sent a bill for past support dating back 2 years. I supplied the cancelled checks and money orders for the District Attorneys office, they then negated the multi-thousands of dollar bounty they had issued. However they still charged me nearly one thousand dollars for court and filing fees.

they is no win with the govt. was hoping that at least women would see this and admit the bias.
guess money weighs more heavily in some women's minds than integrity.

oh i still have the receipts too... and every check stub dating back 10 years. only way to fight govt bureaucracy, and greed.


NEVER involve the state if you can help it. A major important lesson for men and women alike.

I got arrested a few years back on a very serious charge and had to post $25k in bail. When I was EXONERATED of all the charges against me, which were based on perjurous statements, I only got about $24k back. I think it was 3% they keep no matter the outcome of your case, for processing. I almost wound up with another charge telling them where they could go collect their damn processing fee.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:12 PM
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reply to post by CaDreamer
 


Every three years,in my State,which is a lifetime.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:12 PM
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reply to post by CaDreamer
 


Financially killing? Do you know what the costs are for raising a child? Have you seen a teenage boy eat?



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:12 PM
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reply to post by CoherentlyConfused
 


one of the best posts on this thread so far


thank you for your contribution



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:12 PM
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Originally posted by CoherentlyConfused
I should add that if you do suspect some kind of abuse, physical or substance, it's your absolute responsibility to do something. If you go to court and tell the judge you suspect abuse, the judge's responsibility is to do something about it. If they do a drug test on your ex, which they will if brought up in court, then you will most likely receive custody if drugs are found in her system.

I am only speaking from the experience of being the paralegal to a family court attorney and witnessing many different situations. So please don't take my advice, go seek real legal counsel, if you feel your child is in danger.

edit on 11-6-2011 by CoherentlyConfused because: (no reason given)


A buddy of mine, well, a customer buddy I should say, not a close buddy but a guy who came into my store all the time. Anyway, this cool dude I know fought for TWO years to get custody of his daughters, even after having PROOF of squalor in the mother's home, sexual abuse, and her repeated drug test failures while on probation. It still took him two years to get custody. Now granted, one daughter was not his biologically, he had adopted her, but still, the other girl was his, and clearly neither should have even been in that home at all. TWO years it took for him to get those kids out of there.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:15 PM
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Originally posted by CoherentlyConfused
reply to post by CaDreamer
 


Financially killing? Do you know what the costs are for raising a child? Have you seen a teenage boy eat?


I know you're half-joking there, but I have survived on food stamps. $50 a week. And I am an ox of a man.



posted on Jun, 11 2011 @ 09:16 PM
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reply to post by CoherentlyConfused
 


Unfortunately,just a hunch of drug use,doesn't get the Judge involved. You have to have PROOF. Trust me,as a father who told a judge about the drug use,but was told I needed proof,and anything else was defamation of character. Judge honestly told me that.



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