Men and Child support. What is the answer?

reply to post by nixie_nox


lost about 20k in tax deductions when wife left me so no it would be a lot different, financially. 2 households is tremendously more expensive than 1 in every single case unfortunately.

as a side note to all who have contributed to this thread, thank you very much for your well wishes and thoughtful posts.

reply to post by CaDreamer


Really? whats the answer? maturity. Not on your part, as per your post, you sound like the type of person who is on the up and up and doing what he is suppose to do, what he has been made to do. But in most cases, divorces are not so nice, and there are plenty of situations, (which I'm sure you already know) where one spouse and at times both spouses are just not mature enough to take a step back and look at the factual issues and move from there.

I'm extremely happy to say, my brother and his ex-wife are such a couple. She has a child from a previous marriage, and 2 children with my brother ages 7 and 4 a boy and a girl. They both simply came to realize, she could not put up with his demands, he could not put up with her cluelessness.
(trust me, I in no way advocate for my brother, he drives me nuts, but the woman is truly clueless. He was in the military, she was a stay at home army wife, and couldn't even have dinner ready..not for him..for the kids! he would have to bring dinner home from out somewhere...and more issues like that. She thought he was demanding, because he wanted her to cook! lol)
anyway.... We come from an extremely small town in northern ga,...I moved out and into a more city area with more jobs, opportunity, etc. He stayed there in the small town after Iraq. No jobs. So, he has no money, she has no money. She is living in a government apartment, with all 3 of the kids, a church gave her a car, she gets gas vouchers, and heating vouchers, and disability for the 7 year old. She realizes, if she were to go after my brother through the courts for child support, she would lose a good bit of that. She recognizes, there are no jobs, so, yeah, she could go through the courts, and yeah, they could court order him to pay, and yeah, they could garnish his wages once he gets a job. But, he can also go to jail if he doesn't pay. Is that fair? to her its not. She's able to look at the bigger picture. When he does find work, he gives his children what he can with that work money. Court ordered support, him in jail...she wouldn't even get that little bit. She'd get nothing.

It comes down to maturity. I know if I left my husband tomorrow? my best bet is to play fair. Take the step back, understand the situation as it is. Either he can afford it, or he can't. Should you be responsible? yes of course, when theres a choice between you and your kids and one going hungry? of course the answer is "YOU" thats just human nature towards children..hell, even if a child wasn't mine and I have food in my hands and they don't...they're going to get the food before I do.

But when dealing with divorce and hurt hearts, it seems the revenge usually goes through the children and payments. Its a shame, but the only real answer is maturity. Laws and morals cannot fix that.

reply to post by SusyQ30


Spot on!

The fact is, a majority of men do not like paying child support. Thats it in a nut shell!

If you don't pay child support or you pay enough to insult the mother of your children, then you should not expect to have any say in your child's life.

I can understand some of the father's issue when they pay seeing what my dad went through. Married for 12 years it was 3 kids total and after the divorce my mom collected 1600.00 dollars a month. He lived in a one bedroom crap apartment in the crap part of town. Lost his job due to car breaking down and not being able to afford to fix it and working an hour away he just couldn't get there. Missed about 4 months worth of child support only being able to afford the alimony which was still coming out his retirement and still pay rent for his place. Got a job and got back on his feet coming by a dropping off every month a check for every month he missed. Well one day my mom got pissed at my dad and took him to court for back child support which the judge ruled that all the money he gave her was considered a "gift" since it wasn't garnished from his wages. That to me was the stepping stone towards a broken relationship with my mom. I could go on forever about how broken the child support system is and I'm positive I am not the only one who witnessed this abuse of it.

reply to post by nixie_nox


the second half of your post however was just pure trolling. i am saying that if my family was still 1 household i would be upper middle class. i am very astute with finances, of that i am sure. every year when i do my taxes i prepare a fictitious one as well with all the deductions and perks i used to have. i used to get 5 to 7 thousand back every year... now i pay about 2k annually. that's a 9 thousand dollars.


I don't want a"reward" for doing the right thing, I want the government to recognize the issue and deal with it properly. As i have stated prior to this, i gladly pay my child support, i don't complain how it is spent. I only want to live at the same level i would if my family was still 1 unit, not 2.5 i not only contribute to that household i also contribute to my grandchildren as well.

if you do not have any constructive input to add to the discussion, i suggest you move on your input is neither wanted her nor needed. You are not helping and you clearly have absolutely no idea what good parents go through, whose only crime is that their former spouse decided that a life change without a husband or children would suit them better and just walked out.

Originally posted by Aeons
There are ways to reform or make a system which is fair, and reasonable.

There are some aspects of some child support systems which have controls which are not the best.

Did women make it this way? Think about that. Because the answer is obviously no. Most government reps are males. Their department heads are males. The people passing the laws, statutes, regs, are generally males.

One thing remains consistent though. Many people in the position to make these laws, and make the bureaucracy around them have an agenda. Often many of them, left, right, center, have strong opinions about families.

Interestingly, in governments where there are more females in governmental rep positions in almost equal numbers, the systems for these are actually more FAIR. Mull that.

Let me talk about a seeming unrelated topic for a moment. Many people with government powers do not support trying to eradicate sexually transmitted diseases. Put aside your beliefs about vaccines for a moment, and think about the arguments put out about why not to inoculate for genital warts (HPV vaccine). Most of those arguments were from lobby groups, and government reps who WANT people to be afraid of getting STDs so that they won't screw around.

Those people with governmental authority, for religious reasons usually, WANT you to be punished for not engaging in sex and relationships in a way they consider to be optimal. So they want you to see people be punished for doing so.

Well many of the people in government are men, and they know that you value your wallet. They WANT you to know that if you decide to skip out on being in a family unit after having children, that they WANT you to feel it. They want you to tell others about it. They want you to scare the crap out of other guys with your horror stories.

They don't want to reform those things that aren't right....not because your ex is such a meaney.... but because they want guys to stay with their babies Momma. They BELIEVE with all their hearts that this is the best thing.

Just the same way they want people to die of HPV genital wart induced cancer for having sex.

This is a regressive punishment. It is being done due to the religious beliefs of a large sub-set of the people making the regulations.

Blaming your ex-wife is WAY easier and more satisfying than looking at what is actually happening, and thinking about if your ex-wife is actually the people who put these laws and regs in place to begin with.

edit on 2011/6/1 by Aeons because: (no reason given)

good post i agree the messed us system is not the fault of the women/mothers. Nor is it the fault of the fathers.

"Just the same way they want people to die of HPV genital wart induced cancer for having sex."
that could have gone without saying...it has no place in this thread, this is not about government conspiracies, please stay on topic. the entire rest of your post though

reply to post by TKDRL


I fully agree.....when my ex started whining I did exactly that!

I showed him all my bills for rent, utilities (water, electricity, gas, phone), food, clothing, education, sports, dental, medical. Told him to pay 50% and I'll be happy. Never heard from him since. That was 7 years ago.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by g146541

 

Don't fabricate information. Statistics say that men usually end up better financially then women after a divorce.

that applies exclusively to the wealthy, and those of the middle that can afford a good divorce attorney. we are discussing the other 60% of the nations honest good fathers.

reply to post by txraised254


At $1600.00 a month CS, if that was my ex paying that I would had paid to get his car fixed.

Your father was an hour away from his job....no public transport available?

Originally posted by Ophiuchus 13
Does anyone see a prob with a simple CHILDSUPPORT CARD. Which tracks all items, mom and dad can see how money is spent if overages are occuring showing signs of money being spent elsewhere. As it is kinda big brotherish the CARD is it a good idea and if not why not.

Child Support Cards?!?!?! When did all of this happen?

Nice!

About damn time!

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by TKDRL

 

I fully agree.....when my ex started whining I did exactly that!

I showed him all my bills for rent, utilities (water, electricity, gas, phone), food, clothing, education, sports, dental, medical. Told him to pay 50% and I'll be happy. Never heard from him since. That was 7 years ago.

The child support shouldnt go to paying your rent or your utilities. you would have those things to pay if you had a kid or not. The ONLY things it should go for is things for that specific kid ie, clothes, med/dental, and you should split the extracurricular activities

Originally posted by Section31

Originally posted by Ophiuchus 13
Does anyone see a prob with a simple CHILDSUPPORT CARD. Which tracks all items, mom and dad can see how money is spent if overages are occuring showing signs of money being spent elsewhere. As it is kinda big brotherish the CARD is it a good idea and if not why not.

Child Support Cards?!?!?! When did all of this happen?

Nice!

About damn time!

I agree with this 100%, i'm tired of my son coming over in worn out hand me downs while mommy has nice clothes and a almost new car then cry poverty

reply to post by Jeblus27


i was married to my first wife for 10 years... and my second for 9 years... i am not 20 something. I didn't run around, didn't cheat, and built a family 2 times.

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by SusyQ30

 

Spot on!

The fact is, a majority of men do not like paying child support. Thats it in a nut shell!

If you don't pay child support or you pay enough to insult the mother of your children, then you should not expect to have any say in your child's life.

Where do you get your information from that fathers dont like to pay support? You sound like a very bitter woman

reply to post by Section31


Firstly, perhaps when non-custodial fathers pay 50% of all their children's basic essentials before bringing in such a card. It's as if all non-custodial fathers think their ex wives are alcoholics and druggies, out on the town every night and living the good life! Pffttttttttttttt !!!

reply to post by HomerinNC


Mate.......a majority of non-custodial fathers always pull the "bitter ex wife" and the "ex wife brain washes the children" card when they're cornered!

I'm not buying it!

reply to post by bluemirage5

nope you refusded to answer any ogf my comments and youre on the constant offensive, to me that makes me think you had a very bitter divorce and every man you meet is the bad guy

Originally posted by HomerinNC

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by TKDRL

 

I fully agree.....when my ex started whining I did exactly that!

I showed him all my bills for rent, utilities (water, electricity, gas, phone), food, clothing, education, sports, dental, medical. Told him to pay 50% and I'll be happy. Never heard from him since. That was 7 years ago.

The child support shouldnt go to paying your rent or your utilities. you would have those things to pay if you had a kid or not. The ONLY things it should go for is things for that specific kid ie, clothes, med/dental, and you should split the extracurricular activities

When you have children you need more than a 0 bedroom efficiency, it's fair to calculate housing costs into child support. It simply costs more in housing when you have more people to house in the household.

reply to post by HomerinNC


Your son comes over in rags because she knows she won't get his nice clothes back.

.

reply to post by Funshinez


Well then you live where you can AFFORD to live....live within your means