reply to post by MonarchSlave
I feel I must first admit that I have not read this entire thread. I read your opening, and I cannot delay in saying what came to mind when reading
You have suffered, and suffering of the length and severity that you have undergone can make the world seem like a very different place, than the one
inhabited by other, less afflicted persons, something which I am sure you were already aware of. It can also force the mind to assemble a narrative
which explains the behavior of ones tormentors, stitching together influences and histories into something which makes more sense than the mindless
brutality one has been through.
Be wary of this, because to allow your experiences to throw you down a rabbit hole of your own, unwilling design, would be a victory for those who
have inflicted their evils upon you, and you are worth more than that, deserving of much better. You do need help, you are quite right, but the sort
of help you need is rather less about understanding conspiracies a little better, and more to do with healing your wounds. Put it this way:
Even assuming that there is some vast, horrible conspiracy affecting you right now, you cannot fight it with a mind cluttered by nothing but sorrow
and torment, because doing so would be something akin to getting into a gun fight with an empty pistol in your hand.
Please consider this... You have had a life which has contained harrowing and horrifying ordeals, on a near constant basis, especially throughout
your formative years. It seems to me that at no point have you had a chance to balm those wounds, or decompress the injuries done to you. It also
sounds as if nobody that you have met on the journey of your life, has offered you shelter and comfort, respect and love, of any kind. I cannot help
you with the illuminati, because my response to a confirmed structure of that size, power and intent would be to burn it down, physically destroy it
and every representative of it with my bare hands and anything else that found its way into my eyeline.
However, what I can tell you, is that the sort of help you need most is not paramilitary, nor intelligence based. What you need, is to have people
around you who love you, care about your welfare, your mental health, people who want to remind you that you are a person, an individual with
potential far greater than you can believe, having been so trodden down in life. You need to be rebuilt from the inside out.
I am so sorry you have lived this life of anguish, and no matter what happens with the conspiracy angle in your life, I hope and pray, that you gain
the ability to feel the love that has been denied to you, both that which others feel toward you, and that which you feel toward them, and the love
you should have for yourself. You are a survivor, you are a legend waiting to be written, as are we all. I hope that in time, the tale you write on
the page of time, becomes a more pleasant yarn, than it has proven to be thus far.
With Respect and Love,