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The Rapture Report-Live testimonials from around the world, 26 minutes to go.

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posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:08 PM
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....does Jesus like brownies, cause I made a bunch of them.

Does my insurance pay double, since I am a christian and I would be "on the job" if taken in the rapture?

I'm not sure whether to wear flip flops or tennis shoes.

I did take a shower so I am clean and have clean underwear on (just in case).

ID, credit cards, Masonic hand shakes, gym membership card....yep....got it all.
edit on 20-5-2011 by wdkirk because: (no reason given)




posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:10 PM
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reply to post by zillah
 


Wait wait wait. Let me get this right. So basically at 6pm Standard time in Australia wtf is that lol. So the rest of the world is going to go down 2hrs before the US? then EST goes first then CST and finally PST in the US Then Hawaii has to wait 2 more hours before the Rapture.. Wow I would think God Almighty could just finish the job in one sweep. I seriously misunderstood the powers of the lord good thing we have good solid Christians like Harold Camping to steer us right.



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:12 PM
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reply to post by Phantom28804
 


He's like Santa in that regard.



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:13 PM
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Originally posted by xFiDgetx

Originally posted by BrokenCircles
I haven't had the time, during the last couple of days, to look at the weather forecast. I've been busy packing up for a weekend road trip. Does anyone know if they have changed the weekend forecast? Or are they still calling for pretty much the same?



Winner.

Seriously, that was funny.



I can't stop laughing at this !!!!!!!

Awesome, truely awesome !!



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:15 PM
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reply to post by Phantom28804
 


HEY! It took God 6 days to create the earth, you can at least give him a day to destroy it!

On that note, I don't see why God needed to rest on the 7th day. I mean, he IS God after all. Does he get cranky if he misses his nap?



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:16 PM
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Even the rapture can't get me out of work. Why does it have to be 6pm? I still end up putting in a full days worth of overtime work! I have...lot's of questions.

Should I go outside at 6pm? I don't feel like being ripped through two ceilings. I feel sorry for anyone in the basement floor of a high rise.

Do I have to dress for the occasion? Should I dress at all?

What if I have a heart attack from being up so high? Do I still get raptured if I die before getting there?

I have a feeling god is going to pass over NJ. The tires on his cloud mobile will probably get stolen...



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:18 PM
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*sigh* Promises Promises and more Promises.
Been looking forward for years for this, now the dude ain't gonna show up.
Pff...No Rapture, No Hesus, No nothing. ! Bummer !
Well, I'll be waiting for the next lunatic who's gonna call a date. Until then I keep smoking until my brain is gone. Too bad that Marie Juana smokers' braincells regenerate!

W.O.D. rolled two, no three nice Cheeze/Haze joint's and I'm gonna smoke them one after another, just to get over my grievings


Salute & Ukuthula !



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:20 PM
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The Underworlds await... see you all real soon! (insert wicked laugh here)



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:21 PM
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Remember to leave your door ajar so that there are no mishaps.




posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:22 PM
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Just heard on the grapevine that God and Mr's God had an argument last night about whether to go ahead with these nefarious plans for Rapture.

It seems God got kicked to the Sofa, and in his almighty peeved-off-ness he drove to the seedy side of town for a few Brews and a lap dance while deciding if Mr's God was right to not take all the faithful today.

Just waiting to hear now if he is over the hangover and ready to get back to work... or not.



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:28 PM
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not that i expect this to happen or anything, but, erm, should i pack a suitcase... just in case...
i'd hate for this to happen while i am asleep in bed, in my birthday suit...
can i at least pack a small case, keep it next to me... just in case?
and if so, what is the baggage allowance? would i have a set weight i can take before i incurr an excess baggage fee?...
also, with all these people flying up in the sky, would they need to pay any tax? like the airport tax we need to pay on the purchase of airline tickets? who do we pay it to?
one last thing, i did buy a pair of sandals to pack, especially for the occasion... should they be worn with or without socks? i would so hate to get this wrong and get left behind.....



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:28 PM
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Originally posted by Phantom28804
reply to post by zillah
 


Wait wait wait. Let me get this right. So basically at 6pm Standard time in Australia wtf is that lol. So the rest of the world is going to go down 2hrs before the US? then EST goes first then CST and finally PST in the US Then Hawaii has to wait 2 more hours before the Rapture.. Wow I would think God Almighty could just finish the job in one sweep. I seriously misunderstood the powers of the lord good thing we have good solid Christians like Harold Camping to steer us right.


Well on the other hand, see the positive side of it.
Let the Aussies deal with it first, probably or hopefully someone with a cam can make some nice vids so we, the rest of the world can see what's exactly gonna happen and we can be prepared and even dressed for the occasion.

The one who's gonna post that vid here, is gonna get a massive amount of S&F ! Probably a ATS record that's gonna last a long long time !

Come on Down Under....don't ya all dare being a pussy and shoot that vid !

Ciao & Ukuthula !



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:29 PM
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Well I realize this whole forum is more then likely in jest, but I wanted to say a few things cause it's driving me today after hearing all this crap so so so so so so so many times today. Does anyone realize just how full of it Mr. Camping is ? First off I wanted to say that this is straight from the bible itself that I thought would be appropriate for this post.


In Matthew 24:11, 23-26, Jesus reveals that at the end of the age “false prophets” will deceive many. Some of these false prophets will claim to know the date of Christ’s return. Others will claim that He already has returned. Many will teach His secret return and a rapture of the saints to heaven before the Great Tribulation.
However, in Matthew 24 Christ notes specific end-time events that must happen before His return. These major events will be clear road-marks revealing where we are within the panorama of end-time prophecy. Three of these events are:

the abomination of desolation (v. 15), which will be a cessation and a desecration of yet-future Jewish altar sacrifices, immediately followed by
the Great Tribulation, which is a time of war and death more terrible than any time ever before in the history of humanity (v. 21), followed by
the Day of the Lord when Christ will return as conquering King to establish the Kingdom of God on this


So even the bible he is preaching from is calling him for what he is a False Prophet aka a Fraud. I find it said and funny that any true faithful Christians even fall into this crap in the first place. I don't know if there are any here, but there certainly are where I work. I mean plain and simple believing what this man is preaching is blasphemy against the very book you believe in. Furthermore Mr. Camping changes the bible to his own ways.

I predict some seriously pissed off, depressed, and suicidal idiots come 6pm in each respective time zone. I for one won't be surprised to see a few self-help raptures by Sunday night. Anyway without further Ado here is Mr. Camping per-versing the bible to his own needs.



I love the way he just changes it to contradict the lady in the beginning.

Also it should be noted that Camping is not even a minister he is a former Civil Engineer and self proclaimed Evangelical Minister. He also previously predicted the end in Sept 1994 then said he was off by 7rs and finally said May 21, 2011. So by my count that is 2 failed predictions. I can't even begin to fathom why anyone believes this man at all.
edit on 5/20/2011 by Phantom28804 because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:31 PM
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New Zealand here - 4 1/2 hours to go. Weather is beee-you-ti-ful!! No fair, if we get raptured/left behind you still have hours to panic and get on yer kneeeees!!! No billboards or posters here. Hmm.... heard there was to be a great earthquake first. Maybe too far away to warm up their blue-beam machine....



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:32 PM
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Ok dare I say, I couldnt have a more perfect day here, Sun is shining, beach walk with hounds completed, coffee ingested,
When the good lord does come down in a few hours I shall thank him for the lovely calm before the storm.



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:34 PM
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Ya know, I'm going to miss messin with Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses that come to the door the most.

ETA: If you want a realtime feed off the twitterverse - Realtime results for #Rapture

Some are just too funny for words.
edit on 20-5-2011 by Hijaqd because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:37 PM
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when I first heard about this may 21 end of the world rapture stuff I thought ya right then I started connecting the dots what if this date was used for yet another false flag event like 9-11-2001 or more recently 03-11-2011...now the number of believers are many and growing. infact what a perfect way to carry out an event use the existing belief to perform incredible acts of evil perhaps mass earthquakes or flooding well the possibilities are endless and even if nothing happens the ripple effect of possible mass suicides either way this date will be remembered as we get closer to 2012 the madness will intensify
it's going to be bumpy ride ......................
edit on 20-5-2011 by gaurdian2012 because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:37 PM
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Okay, just to give everyone an update from my last post. Jesus is here in Saline, Michigan and we're listening to Kool and the Gang.

He liked the OP so much he decided to talk to his dad and call the whole thing off.

"Sorry for any misunderstandings, hope nobody sold all their stuff or anything. Rock on."

Crap, Little River Band just came on and now he's dancing. Oh brother. Apparently, Jesus rocks. Who woulda' thunk it.


edit on 20-5-2011 by billxam because: added a funny line



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:42 PM
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reply to post by billxam
 


Surely listening to Kool and the gang is a sign of the 4th horseman?
Put away your calmness, it is time to PANIC



posted on May, 20 2011 @ 08:45 PM
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Originally posted by natters
so if you miss the rapture in one time zone, can you repent and quickly hop on a plane the other direction?


I wish I could still applaud...Post of the thread my friend.



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