I feel helpless. I need some life advice and do things really get better after HS?

For whatever reason, around May of the school year, i tend to reach a tipping point with emotions. 2 years ago I openly defied a teacher and screamed at another, last year i choked a kid who had been tormenting me since the 4th grade and was suspended for 3 days. This year, I'm not acting out, just keeping it inside. But while I might not be affecting others, the emotions are just eating me away from the inside out.

I try to be nice to everyone, even the people who have bullied me. The people who know me, tell me that I'm funny and nice, but the people who don't know me just see a hyper, eccentric, and socially awkward kid and label me as creepy or weird. I do realize i joke around an awful lot in school and don't know when to stop, making some people think i'm annoying, but that's just me being me. Humor is my way to break the boredom and deal with stress. I try to know when to stop but sometimes just get carried away with jokes. I get along very well with adults, but kids my own age just think i'm weird. All it takes is one move, to say or do the wrong thing, especially with girls, and it ruins everything.

I have a major case of cognitive dissonance. In other words, my actions are different than my attitude, creating confusion, stress, and major inner conflicts. For example, I have little desire to get good grades or study hard, especially if the subject doesn't interest me. Yet, I do it anyway because I feel like I have to in order to get a decent job. I keep asking myself why i do all this, go to school, study, etc. Part of the reason is that i am pretty much forced to by my parents. The other reason is that I have this faint hope that if I get a degree, and a good job, that I'll be happy. Part of me feels this isn't true, but I ignore it because I don't see another good alternative. Sure, I could live off the land, but I'd find that kind of lonely. This adds to the helpless feeling. Another big reason why I go to school is for the social part. It really makes me happy to be around friends. What truly matters to me, more than anything, are the bonds and friendships i make with others.

Another good example is today in school. 5 minutes before the end of the day, everybody was packing up and class was over. Without really thinking, I took out my phone and looked over things I need to bring to my MVA driving test tomorrow. The teacher came over and asked for my phone (to confiscate it). At that moment, i felt several things. I felt instant remorse because I really like and respect this teacher and didn't want to offend him, I felt an air of defiance that wanted to say no, and felt an overall sense of helplessness. I weighed my options and decided to give him my phone. I apologized immediately and told him i would trade a detention for my phone. He was nice, and gave me the option of turning it into the front office where a parent could pick it up, or holding it until tomorrow morning. I chose the latter.

I talked to my mom about this, and she said "a rule is a rule, it's there for a reason. Stop trying to get over the system." But that's what bugs me. I'm somewhat of a free spirited and independent person. I just want to do my own thing, and as long as I'm not hurting anyone, why should anyone care?

I also recently got out of an 18 month crush on a girl. I asked her to prom and she rejected me nicely to my face, then proceeded to tell everyone how creeped out she was (for attention), and i still have people coming up to me telling me how creeped out she was. I've felt totally numb since then, I thought about her for 18 months straight, dreamed about her, etc and this just feels like a slap in the face and a punch in the gut. I finally broke down in tears today so maybe i'm starting to come around. I won't comment much further on this, as this thread is mainly philosophical/psychological in nature and I don't want this to get moved to the relationship section. This is my Senior year of HS and i have a week left. HS has left a bitter taste in my mouth. I could really use some life advice...

You are an adolescent. Cognitive dissonance is okay at that time in your life. You are full of hormones and the part of your brain that regulates impulse control is not fully developed yet.

Yes, things really do get better after high school. Not right away though. You probably wont feel the full effects of "better" until you are 23-25, and then only if you have refrained from taking up some drug habit to make yourself feel better in the short run.

Take up a physical activity to help you channel emotional energy. I began lifting weights at around 15 for that reason, and the discipline and physical activity helped enormously. Other good outlets include almost any of the marital arts. I did Judo, and loved it.

Physical activity that requires mental discipline is enormously helpful. It speeds the process along while releasing a lot of the emotional energy via physical movement.

Dont focus on the future and just wait for the day you will feel better. Do something today that will help that process along.

reply to post by mossme89


I would like to say that you are a VERY special soul from what I read. Keep being you no matter what. If people judge you, it's due to their own insecurities. Be confident and believe in yourself. Learn to trust your instincts. The sooner you find out what makes you happy (usually happiness is a combination of things), the sooner you will know what you need to do. The sooner you learn this, the better.

Your mind is thinking outside the box and that is very important.

It does get better, yes. Much much much better. Just find out what your priorities are in life and trust yourself.

Good luck with everything!!!!!

Thanks for the reply!

Originally posted by Illusionsaregrander
You are an adolescent. Cognitive dissonance is okay at that time in your life. You are full of hormones and the part of your brain that regulates impulse control is not fully developed yet.

Yes, things really do get better after high school. Not right away though. You probably wont feel the full effects of "better" until you are 23-25, and then only if you have refrained from taking up some drug habit to make yourself feel better in the short run.

I've never done any drugs, except prescription prescribed by a doctor. I'm taking 25mg of Zoloft with mixed success. It works okay, but any higher and i can't sleep, any lower and there isn't much of an effect.

Take up a physical activity to help you channel emotional energy. I began lifting weights at around 15 for that reason, and the discipline and physical activity helped enormously. Other good outlets include almost any of the marital arts. I did Judo, and loved it.

Physical activity that requires mental discipline is enormously helpful. It speeds the process along while releasing a lot of the emotional energy via physical movement.

Dont focus on the future and just wait for the day you will feel better. Do something today that will help that process along.

I find running has really helped. I was on the Cross Country and Track teams, and still run 3-4 miles a day. It helps with anxiety, but there's still a lot there, especially uncertainty about the future. I know where i'm starting college (at a JUCO), but am worried about the new environment and making new friends as well as how much the workload is.

reply to post by mossme89


Everyone changes after highschool.

Years down the road you'll find yourself talking with people from highschool you once knew. You'll see that they arn't the same person they were. Everyone judges everyone in highschool... You're labeled according to what you ware, what music you like, who doesn't like you etc etc etc etc...

Believe me bro, life has nothing to do with anything you'll learn about in highschool. Once you're out there, on your own... paying bills and just trying to survive you'll realize that people's opinion of you matter very little.

Keep hitting the books though man, you'll be greatful that you studied hard a few years down the road. Jumping from job to job is not a good life (been there) Aim high in your education bro. Education = Money... Now money doesn't equal happyness but it sure helps when you don't have to struggle with it. But this is a different discussion all together.

Either way, don't worry about people in highschool man... You won't even know most of them in 5 years.

Study hard.... Believe me it took me 13 years to get back to school. Life would have been easier for me if i studied harder when i was highschool.

GL bro

reply to post by mossme89


HS is not real life. I know how you feel because I was there once too (I'm 34) HS is nothing but paradigms and cliches. 15 years from now you will hopefully be successful in whatever endeavor that you will choose for yourself. You will go back home to visit, presuming that you left, and you will see the hot, popular girl that wouldn't give you the time of day. The only difference now is that you're driving a Benz and she is 300 pounds and working at Wal-Mart. You'll see the football star, but he'll be balding and handing you your bag of food out of the drive thru window.

You see, nothing about HS matters in real life. Most of what you have been taught is a lie, or a perversion of the truth. They have tried like hell to indoctrinate you. I hope that they have failed, only time will tell. The feelings that you are having are fairly normal, what you need to do is find a way to focus that negativity in a constructive and rehabilitative manner, like a hobby or something.

I don't care what rules are in place, a teacher or school can not confiscate your private property, under any circumstances. The next time a teacher tries to do it tell him/her that they are violating your 4th amendment rights, unless of course you go to a private school. If you do then put your phone away.

reply to post by mossme89


I'm really sorry you're feeling that way. I don't know if this is going to help you but, I'll try my best...

High school was a horrible time for me, I was socially awkward, I had distanced myself from the few friends I had, my grades plummeted and I was seriously depressed. I didn't know what to do, I felt so alone and I felt no one cared about me. The only thing that got me trough it was knowing that after it was over, I wouldn't have to see any of those kids again. I believed teenagers were cannibals, because they were willing to eat anyone who was different and didn't follow the rest of the sheep.

When I finished HS, (about 4 years now) I took a year off from everything to find out what I wanted to do. I enrolled in an Art school and met people with similar interests and made new friends. Life is so much better for me now.

My advice is this, be strong and always be yourself. Don't try to change to impress others, because if you need to change then they don't really care about you. School is a place where all sorts of people are put together, regardless of their interests and tastes. But when you graduate you will be able to associate with people who are just like you. You'll find friends, a girlfriend, and many people who will be interested in what you have to say.

Just hang on, I promise life gets better. High school is just a small part of it. You'll have plenty of time to find out what you want to do with your life and to think who you want to be.

Remember you have people here in ATS who care about you. If you ever want to talk, just U2U me.

Take care

Yeah man, life after high school gets a whole lot better, in a few years you'll either be a college grad or at least have a better idea of what you want to do with your life, I am 23 and just now going back to college. It started as a one year break that lasted a little too long but I guess I needed all that time to figure out myself and what I wanted to do, I was very frightened of going straight to college and getting a degree in something that I would later regret. Not to mention you don't have to run into the same bullies or buttholes, or just all around people you can't stand. And in a few years you'll be able to go to bars and such, I prefer quite little bars close to home, mostly just a bunch of old men hang out there, doesn't sound exciting but I prefer to drink with them because I get to hear about their pasts and get a real view of history instead of one taught in a history book, I prefer that rather than the loud, drunk college kids who act like they are back in high school. Might have sounded a little off topic but my point is that after high school you can better choose where you hang out and who with so you can surround yourself with people that better fit your interests instead of just being herded together with a bunch of people you can't stand, I'm sure you will be much happier when all the dust has settled and you know more about yourself.

reply to post by OptimusSubprime


I'm 18, but apparently when you go to a public high school (what my school is), you waive away part of your rights, like the military.

That's another thing. There was this kid who put glue in my hair Freshman year. He apologized to me this year and we've been acquainted since. Anyway, i ran into him the the halls one day. He was headed to the front office because a teacher asked to confiscate his phone and he said no. He was about to be suspended for it. Luckily, i keep a cheap old phone in my backpack that i don't use, in case a teacher asks to confiscate my phone. It even looked like his. I gave it to him and he told the principal he had reconsidered and gave him my phone. But this was only after they made him "Sit and think about what he had done" alone in a room for an hour. But, it raised personal questions over whether they were blowing things out of proportion.

reply to post by Illusionsaregrander


I would like to quote you on the fact that its normal during adolescents, but when it stays with you throughout your adulthood. I hate what HS did to me and it made my life a living hell and now the fears, the "growing up" disorders of teens has stayed with me and now I am a wreck

I'm not going to tell you that you feel this way just because you're a teenager. I don't know you well enough, and it may be that you will always find yourself dissatisfied with the status quo and yearning to do things that are more meaningful to you. In that case, I would strongly encourage you to consider training yourself either as an artist or a tradesman -- focusing on building skills where putting energy into them leads directly to greater proficiency and expertise, whether that is by putting all your good-grades energy instead into studying how to fix an engine or a computer, or into practicing and studying the history of an artform.

And -- yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, hang on, just hang on, because while life never gets easy, it rarely gets much worse than high school for an intelligent and sensitive person. You must think of this as a situation where it is you versus the environment. Imagine you have been dropped into a game scenario where the goal is to dodge all the obstacles which the high school environment inevitably puts between you and your education and personal development.

You can learn and grow there, but certainly not because of it -- only in spite of it. Understand that the school is your enemy, but one you can't fight head-on. You have to be a ninja. You have to be slick and figure out how to seem like you're playing by their rules, while at the same time finding your own focus and devoting yourself to it. First forget everything you've been told you have to do or be, and think about this: if you woke up one day and there was no one telling you what to do -- no threat of arbitrary punishment hanging over you if you fail to conform to someone else's idea of how you should spend your time -- what would you do with that day?

Maybe the answer is you'd play video games all day. But that's just a place to start. It's a seed, something you can nurture into more. Once you can imagine yourself doing something you truly choose for yourself, you can begin to think about why you would choose that, and what specifically about it is appealing, and where that interest might branch out if you expanded on it.

You sense it already, so go with that: it's a bunch of BS that has little to do with reality, but it contains elements you can take advantage of to prepare yourself for a future life in a bigger world. So yes, things get better in the sense that they get a lot more real. Sometimes that means they get harder, but a lot of the time, harder is not the same as worse.

As others have said, life after high school is extremely different. Not right away, but if you put effort towards it life will improve a great deal.

I graduated only a year ago. You know where the most popular guy from my class is at now? He delivers furniture everyday while I'm a computer technician. Most of my classmates assume I'm the one working a factory job though because most of them didn't think there was much to me. I never cared about grades. I never did any homework and just passed classes by test scores for the most part. I wasn't the most social guy around, although I did make quite a few friends through wrestling. That's one thing that really helped me get through. I didn't need to worry about grades, people, or life during practice or a match. All I needed to worry about is coming out with a win.

I guess my point is that life seems to have a way of taking a complete 180 after high school.


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Well I can give you some encouraging news, HS sucks the big one BUT believe me the best times of your life are ahead of you, not behind you. I had a horrible school experience throughout school as I grew up in a small town mostly catholic and I was raised as a Jehovah Witness, let me tell ya, might as well have a please kick me sign on your back, I was teased, picked on, tormented and never fit in, but then you grow up, you learn to make friends who love you for who you are, not based on peer pressure from their own idiotic friends. At times I asked myself how I could go on, it seemed so hopeless, pointless but I'm really glad I didn't give up hope, because I do have friends who love me for me now, I have two children I adore, I'm comfortable in my own skin.

Life does indeed get much better, don't give up hope because I'm not blowing smoke here, honest truth, it will get much better and you will be able to find how to be who you truly are and be accepted for it. And people like that girl who rejected you and then bragged about being creeped out, well who's to say that at your ten year reunion she won't look at successful, charming you and think "I'm an idiot"......stranger things have happened. ♥

I forgot to mention that I go to the richest school in the 5th richest county in the USA Probably more likely someone would become a politician than anything else...

My family isn't rich, we're middle class and were able to get in before house prices went through the roof. But we're surrounded by lawyers and people who make $200,000+

Alright Bro, I haven't logged in here in awhile, but for you, I did.

There was another guy that posted earlier how things really don't get a whole lot better until about 23-25. Its largely true. But given your own circumstances and situations, that doesn't have to be true. You can start now. Today.

Always work at your problems, Take them one by one and eliminate them. Personal psychological difficulties are a little more challenging, but not impossible. Stay away from drinking and drugs as much as possible. Fads are a complete waste of time, so is TV and video games. This website is to some extent, also. Enrich yourself. Become the person you most want to be. Learn things for yourself for the sake of learning them, not because someone tells you you must. When you learn and enrich yourself, you BECOME something other than you once were. And more often then not, you meet some fine people along the way, some enemies, cute girls, whatever.

Rather than pursuing schooling to get a degree so you can get a J O B. Define yourself with a career. Want to swim in the Carribean lots? Find a career in scuba, fishing, treasure hunting, guides, whatever. Love mountains? There's skiing, forestry, photography. Whatever. Make it something enjoyable to you. And you will be more than satisfied. Don't worry about the money. That will come, or not. Its the journey to get to this satisfying thing that you do, that counts.

You are young, Beware of getting tied down early into a J O B or marriage. Learn, for yourself, about yourself. Work hard, while you're young, to get to where you want to be. You won't have the energy for it when you are older. That's a promise. It is amazing from this perspective. If you need help psychologically? Then do it. Do it now. Better to see a counselor now when you are young, get it out of the way, instead of living your whole life messed up then seeing one. Trust me on this, I did it that way, and saw too many people in their 50s just finding out what I just told you.

Good fortune to you.

I must echo some of the sentiments shared here.

First of all, I must commend you on your ability to communicate. There's a fair number of us here who are quite a bit older than you. Yet it seems clear that the manner which you present your thoughts made it easy for us to empathize - because many of us experienced HS similarly, in one way or another. That makes it easy and desirable to respond to you. You may find later in life that effective communication can be the key to survival in a world where words are the most important tool a person has.

Secondly, I must commend you on an increasingly rare gift; namely, honest introspection. For many of us it is an elusive skill, one which we must cultivate conscientiously to perfect.

But there is one potential weakness in introspection; the tendency to gravitate towards thinking that you are alone, that no one understands, or can relate; and that your challenges in life are yours alone to bear. I promise you that this is not necessarily so.

I am going to be presumptuous and offer a bit of advice.... time and patience are the key to your well being. Anger and rage can be dangerous as well as addicting, but they are not - in and of themselves - unnecessary. It's all part of coping and surviving. Don't bother beating yourself up over emotions that wax and wane during this part of your life. Never allow your frustration and angst to become hatred.

Remember, at least abstractly, that you are still 'growing up' - your brain will not stop developing until your mid 20's, and until then you may find yourself surprised at your own behavior as you look back upon it. When I was 15 I thought I knew everything, at 20 I suspected I may have been wrong about that. At 30 I became convinced I didn't know everything, and at 40 I realized that in fact, I know very little. Now that I have reached 50 I can tell you.... I don't really "know" anything. I wonder what 60 will bring?



And remember the one true piece of wisdom that none can ever refute - "This too will change."

You will eventually balance out and settle into your life. Then it is the monotony of EAT SLEEP WORK with perhaps friends and a family thrown in. Life will become nothing but a series of errands that endlessly cycle until you depart from this world. But sprinkled among it are joys, happiness, and incredible pain and sadness as well. It really is more or less an experience that you partake of, learn from, and hopefully progress in the afterlife or next life. On the other hand you may possibly expire and who you are breaks down into the elements and returns to the universe with nothing beyond the final consciousness shutdown.

reply to post by mossme89


I think that you will find that things improve dramatically after HS.

I had no luck with ladies in HS, and college was a different story. Also you will find that things are not structured the same in college, and you can tailor your schedule a little more to your liking. No one is going to tell your parents if you skip a class.

I used to get super depressed every spring just waiting for the summer. I hated school so much. College was totally different. While the class aspect of it sucked, the social aspects were way better. You will be exposed to a bigger group of people and probably will make a lot more friends.

Then it is important to find something that you love to do. If you have a crappy job, quit and find one you enjoy.

reply to post by mossme89


high school is very short time in your life
i was picked on alot in high school to, and absolutly hated high school, i ditched everyday, the administration was always against me, never punished the people that tormented me and my friends (im only 23) and i can tell you for sure that when high school is done things will most certainly. once you get to college, school will actually start to seem kind of fun.

now i look back and its almost funny. in fact, i kind of miss high school.

i guess you dont know what you really have untill its gone

Originally posted by mossme89
I know where i'm starting college (at a JUCO), but am worried about the new environment and making new friends as well as how much the workload is.

I dont know if you will have the mental discipline to implement this advice or not, but I will tell you for certain that worrying about making friends makes it harder to make friends.

You make friends a whole lot easier if you focus on THEM and what they might be thinking and feeling, and focus on making them comfortable, rather than worrying about how they might be perceiving you, and whether or not they will like you.

Despite the fact that I dont play online popularity games, in real life, I make friends easily. Which is perhaps why I dont worry about the online popularity game. People are always looking to see how they measure up against others, and they want to align themselves with people they perceive as being "strong" and anxiety about how others perceive YOU or whether or not they will accept you, is not a trait of more dominant people. Its a trait subordinate people display.

Focus on the work, be friendly and aware of other people, take the time to put others at ease if they look nervous or unsure, and you will find that you have friends in no time flat.