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It’s official. I have returned to my Liberal roots, and have chosen to embrace Liberalism as I did from birth until 1994. It makes no sense to fight the tsunami of government anymore, and the truth is, Liberals have had it right all along. I was completely brainwashed by right-wing talking points, and during a session with my masseuse, she opened up some chakras that wiped my mind clear.
No longer having a mind, I’m putting my intellect to work on making Liberal policies work with maximum impact. I hope Big Government readers can forgive me. Your close-mindedness and hate speech cannot hold a candle to doing what is right.
As a Resurrected Liberal, I strongly endorse government intervention to protect people, primarily from themselves. People have shown they are not capable of personal responsibility or making good choices. They eat too much. They drink too much. They are too stupid to know who the best candidate is. Therefore, I endorse a Universal Health Care option that, among other things, will tackle several epidemics in our country....
I propose a tax be instituted on all people who exceed their ideal body weight, as determined by the Department of Health. The tax should really hit fat people hard, because once their pocketbook lightens, they will, too. I suggest a $1000 tax per pound per year per person. When they visit their doctor for their free health care, the doctor will record their weight on a standardized scale that a government factory will produce, populated with unionized government employees at a flat salary of $90,000 per year, plus a pension that will have contributions made on their behalf as part of their employment.
People who exceed their ideal weight by more than 25 pounds two years in a row will be required to attend an Obesity Clinic, where they will be put on a strict diet and exercise regimen. The clinic will be part of free universal health care. It will be paid for with the Obesity Tax, and from the resulting health care cost savings that will come from a decline in obesity rates.
Because corporations, especially oil companies, are indeed making obscene profits, it’s time they shared that wealth. In the past four quarters, ExxonMobil made $36 billion. They simply do not need that much money. I propose a cap on all corporate profits. No matter what the industry is, they will be limited to a profit of $150 million per year. Any excess profits will be distributed among the families and individuals in the lowest quintile of income. In addition, CEO’s will be limited to making $1 million per year. There is no reason anyone should need to make more than that. A million dollars is plenty. I’d be thrilled to make a million dollars, and after working for five years, I honestly wouldn’t know how to spend it all — although if I really did have that much money, I’d probably spend it on Subway sandwiches so as to keep my body weight below the federal limit. Any company that makes more than $150 million three years in a row is obviously not trying hard enough to fail. The CEO will be replaced with a government appointee to tamp profits down to fair levels.
It is totally unfair that Conservatives dominate talk radio. They shouldn’t be allowed to dominate the airwaves. Because what they do is not free speech, but hate speech, the Fairness Doctrine will require every station to broadcast the same number of hours of Liberal talk radio in any given day. However, because Liberal talk radio has been so under-represented over the years, Conservative talk will be limited to the hours between 7 PM and 7 AM. Radio stations will be required to reallocate salaries they pay to Conservative hosts equally to Liberal hosts. If enough Liberal hosts cannot be found, then those hours will either be filled with re-runs of Countdown with Keith Olbermann or lectures from Saul Alinsky, Noam Chomsky, or equivalent. It’s up to the Station Programmer to decide, and a Federal Station Programmer will be hired for each station. They will be also be paid for by reduced Conservative talk show host salaries. and will be required to have a background in juggling to qualify.
Because the rich have earned their money at the expense of the poor, the new marginal tax rate will go up to 50% for amounts earned over $150,000, 75% over $250,000, and 90% for those earnings over one million dollars. Again, nobody needs that much money. If you are earning that much, you are taking salary away from poorer people. A family of four can easily live on $100,000, and more than that is depriving those living below the poverty line. For estates, 100% taxation will be the new policy. You may not hand down any wealth to your heirs, period. Once you die, the money belongs to the country that helped you earn it, and will be distributed to those living below the poverty line. The goal is to re-create the middle-class. This is not redistribution of wealth. It’s simple fairness. Any family that attempts to bury a deceased person’s wealth with the deceased will be charged with a felony, forfeit 100% of the deceased’s wealth, and be charged a surtax on their next tax return equal to 29.38% of their net worth.
The federal budget is hereby abolished. It’s never realistic, it never gets followed, and Congress spends way too much arguing over something that doesn’t work. We didn’t even have one last year. Government can now spend whatever is necessary to keep the country running, with no “debt limit”. The President may, be executive order, call for additional money to be printed with no maximum. If inflation should appear, the government will institute price controls on all products until inflation goes away.
Originally posted by jibeho
I suggest a $1000 tax per pound per year per person. When they visit their doctor for their free health care,.
Originally posted by JohnnyCanuck
reply to post by jibeho
Liberalism does not mean stupid, yet that is the essence of your thread. Surly you have something better to do with your time than troll.
Originally posted by jibeho
reply to post by traditionaldrummerIt is SATIRE.