A Resurrected Liberal Offers His Manifesto on Fixing America...Wow!!

Brilliant article! Be certain to wear your rose colored glasses before reading this.

Here are some of the highlights...

It’s official. I have returned to my Liberal roots, and have chosen to embrace Liberalism as I did from birth until 1994. It makes no sense to fight the tsunami of government anymore, and the truth is, Liberals have had it right all along. I was completely brainwashed by right-wing talking points, and during a session with my masseuse, she opened up some chakras that wiped my mind clear.

No longer having a mind, I’m putting my intellect to work on making Liberal policies work with maximum impact. I hope Big Government readers can forgive me. Your close-mindedness and hate speech cannot hold a candle to doing what is right.

As a Resurrected Liberal, I strongly endorse government intervention to protect people, primarily from themselves. People have shown they are not capable of personal responsibility or making good choices. They eat too much. They drink too much. They are too stupid to know who the best candidate is. Therefore, I endorse a Universal Health Care option that, among other things, will tackle several epidemics in our country....

I propose a tax be instituted on all people who exceed their ideal body weight, as determined by the Department of Health. The tax should really hit fat people hard, because once their pocketbook lightens, they will, too. I suggest a $1000 tax per pound per year per person. When they visit their doctor for their free health care, the doctor will record their weight on a standardized scale that a government factory will produce, populated with unionized government employees at a flat salary of $90,000 per year, plus a pension that will have contributions made on their behalf as part of their employment.

People who exceed their ideal weight by more than 25 pounds two years in a row will be required to attend an Obesity Clinic, where they will be put on a strict diet and exercise regimen. The clinic will be part of free universal health care. It will be paid for with the Obesity Tax, and from the resulting health care cost savings that will come from a decline in obesity rates.

Corporate Profits

Because corporations, especially oil companies, are indeed making obscene profits, it’s time they shared that wealth. In the past four quarters, ExxonMobil made $36 billion. They simply do not need that much money. I propose a cap on all corporate profits. No matter what the industry is, they will be limited to a profit of $150 million per year. Any excess profits will be distributed among the families and individuals in the lowest quintile of income. In addition, CEO’s will be limited to making $1 million per year. There is no reason anyone should need to make more than that. A million dollars is plenty. I’d be thrilled to make a million dollars, and after working for five years, I honestly wouldn’t know how to spend it all — although if I really did have that much money, I’d probably spend it on Subway sandwiches so as to keep my body weight below the federal limit. Any company that makes more than $150 million three years in a row is obviously not trying hard enough to fail. The CEO will be replaced with a government appointee to tamp profits down to fair levels.

Fairness Doctrine

It is totally unfair that Conservatives dominate talk radio. They shouldn’t be allowed to dominate the airwaves. Because what they do is not free speech, but hate speech, the Fairness Doctrine will require every station to broadcast the same number of hours of Liberal talk radio in any given day. However, because Liberal talk radio has been so under-represented over the years, Conservative talk will be limited to the hours between 7 PM and 7 AM. Radio stations will be required to reallocate salaries they pay to Conservative hosts equally to Liberal hosts. If enough Liberal hosts cannot be found, then those hours will either be filled with re-runs of Countdown with Keith Olbermann or lectures from Saul Alinsky, Noam Chomsky, or equivalent. It’s up to the Station Programmer to decide, and a Federal Station Programmer will be hired for each station. They will be also be paid for by reduced Conservative talk show host salaries. and will be required to have a background in juggling to qualify.

Taxes

Because the rich have earned their money at the expense of the poor, the new marginal tax rate will go up to 50% for amounts earned over $150,000, 75% over $250,000, and 90% for those earnings over one million dollars. Again, nobody needs that much money. If you are earning that much, you are taking salary away from poorer people. A family of four can easily live on $100,000, and more than that is depriving those living below the poverty line. For estates, 100% taxation will be the new policy. You may not hand down any wealth to your heirs, period. Once you die, the money belongs to the country that helped you earn it, and will be distributed to those living below the poverty line. The goal is to re-create the middle-class. This is not redistribution of wealth. It’s simple fairness. Any family that attempts to bury a deceased person’s wealth with the deceased will be charged with a felony, forfeit 100% of the deceased’s wealth, and be charged a surtax on their next tax return equal to 29.38% of their net worth.

Last but not least The Budget of the US Gobment

The federal budget is hereby abolished. It’s never realistic, it never gets followed, and Congress spends way too much arguing over something that doesn’t work. We didn’t even have one last year. Government can now spend whatever is necessary to keep the country running, with no “debt limit”. The President may, be executive order, call for additional money to be printed with no maximum. If inflation should appear, the government will institute price controls on all products until inflation goes away.

biggovernment.com...-270488

What a great way to start my morning. I think everything will just be Hunky Dory if we all just start to think and most importantly ACT in this manner. What could possibly go wrong???....

Have a great day!! Smile because the Government loves you just the way you are...especially if your fat... Not...

When I first read the title of this post my first thought that came to mind was "Well $*** whats worse than a liberal zombie."

Then I actually read the post.

Good post btw!

Originally posted by jibeho
I suggest a $1000 tax per pound per year per person. When they visit their doctor for their free health care,.

Hah, that means I would have to pay about 25 thousand dollars a year, that to me makes no sense at all. havn't read the rest yet, but had to comment on that point right away lol

ETA: Other than that it all seems to make sense, that weight thing is just a bit too much, I'll pay for healthcare out of pocket I guess, it will be cheaper than 25 +/- thousand a year

cheaper if it's 25 thousand in one shot that is. either way I don't go to the doctor often if at all anyway.

You all do realize this is not serious, right?

The author's tongue probably actually penetrated the cheek.

reply to post by Open_Minded Skeptic


yeah, whether it is or isn't I doubt it would actually come to happen.

Oh, man, I was all ready to go off on this post...until I read it! Awesome satire! Thanks for a laugh to start my day.

/TOA

reply to post by jibeho

Liberalism does not mean stupid, yet that is the essence of your thread. Surly you have something better to do with your time than troll.

[ edited ]

I made a comment without realizing the article is satire

[ oops ]

Originally posted by JohnnyCanuck
reply to post by jibeho

 

Liberalism does not mean stupid, yet that is the essence of your thread. Surly you have something better to do with your time than troll.

Who are you calling a troll?? At the moment I have nothing better to do. Its raining at the moment and I am just watching my grass grow longer by the minute. I am wondering how many bags I will need to catch all of the lawn clippings. How is that conservative uprising in Canada treating you lately??

Perhaps liberalism = innocent naivete Its called satire and is merely a reflection on how foolish the hardcore liberal agenda really is. Doctors in the US are already denying service to overweight patients and our healthcare system will only get worse if Obamacare goes into full swing. Schools in Texas will be photographing the lunches of students to measure calorie intake and a staffer will be sifting through garbage to measure and analyze what food has been disposed of. Our USDA is no proposing that potatoes be eliminated/phased out of our school lunch programs. What's next?? More FOOLLISHNESS....

Cheers BTW and I really do appreciate your input. You are always honest and up front and still maintain a sense of humor!! No BS

reply to post by traditionaldrummer


It is SATIRE.

I consider myself a liberal and I thought this was pretty funny.. and thought provoking to say the least.

I am of the thought though that people should have the right to do what they want with their property and their bodies as long as it doesn't interfere with another person's rights .. I think we do have the right to be fully informed on what we're ingesting however and that is a huge problem .. educating and properly informing is critical to proper decision making..

People are often horribly unaware of things like high fructose corn syrup or the effects of sugar in general on the body, and foods often contain these things needlessly and without informing the consumer .. fast food is horrible for this.. Reducing sugar intake alone can greatly reduce obesity.. people are just completely unaware of what they are ingesting a lot of the time! .. I went from 300lbs to 180 by educating myself on these kinds of things.. I can eat the same amount of food but by preparing it myself and knowing what is going into it, I can still eat burgers, steaks and all the good stuff..

Maybe tongue in cheek at the moment but give em a while and it will be part of the Manifesto of Liberal Behaviour. However, I see a merging or hybridized political system where voting is not in play but the candidate chosen. A cloning of the ideals of the right and left to produce a uber crook that heads the country or union that is to come. All the great Liberal tendencies listed above combined with the steroid laden foreign policy of blowing everyone up in the name of national security that the rights love so much. Just a giant machine that rips your money from you and packs it into the nozzles of mega rockets as fuel. But not to worry because you'll be the leanest broke SOB that there is and you'll be able to join the "National Army of Bully Union inc.,"!

Originally posted by jibeho
reply to post by traditionaldrummer

 

It is SATIRE.

I was having suspicions that it could be.
Thank you
(I shoulda clicked the link)

reply to post by jibeho


you skipped over the 'energy' talking point...

the image of the 3 wheel electric car captivated me...

biggovernment.com...


thanks for the article... i have a better grasp of what a second Øbama administration raft of policies will be
(raft vs. ship-of-state, to continue the article theme...)

I'm assuming OP realized this is written as political satire playing on all the stereotypes of "liberalism". If not then I can only assume the OP posted this for political trolling.

The satire piece claims liberals think we should place a tax on fat people - when in reality, that idea is far more entrenched in conservative circles, and has been proposed by the conservative-leaning Tax Foundation circa 2007;
The Tax Foundation - Taxing Obesity: A Modest Proposal

Republican governor Bob Riley of Alabama actually did create a tax on fat people in 2008. (Alabama Slaps a Tax on Fat People)

Yet, when "conservative" want to make fun of liberals, they claim they want to institute big government by slapping a tax on fat people - something they themselves HAD ALREADY DONE.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/a0000296ac85.jpg[/atsimg]

Fat people are gross and deserve all the diabetic germs they can eat with their Big Macs and Whoppers.

I do like plump chicks though that don't smoke cigarettes.

More sarcasm


However I think America is way beyond fixing by any political persuasion. There will be a conservative change in the coming administration but I don't put much hope in their approach to turn America into more of a Fascist Corporate Oligarchy than it already is, either.

Am I now a resurrected conservative? I just bought a very clean L85A1. I know you can't hit squat with it but what a beautiful design.

It's a brave new world, welcome to the monkey house and stfu!

Originally posted by jibeho
reply to post by traditionaldrummer

 

It is SATIRE.

Ah...but you miss a very important point. It is pretty well indistinguishable from much of the right-wing rhetoric one often sees on this very site.

If you used that kind of approach on your wife, it'd be called passive-aggressive. In fact, we all know people who will throw out a barb...usually very well aimed...and when called on it respond with a "Hey...I was only kidding...can't you take a joke? I'm sure you generally tire of them quickly.

There are plenty of other posters here who simply can't see straight at their wrath that Obama is in the White House...it colours (no pun intended) every thought, every comment, every emotion. This liberal soul figures they'd be better off saving their ire for the next election, and in the interim, finding a healthier hobby.
Cheers, JC