Why am I not finding anyone??

reply to post by EvolEric


Dang I an sitting here reading your post, I have tears in my eyes,and I am a 55 year old man!

Exactly true don't go looking for Love it will just happen!

I have told people how my wife and I met, how much the government and all my co-workers tried to keep us
apart,telling me it wouldn't work out etc.

I was 30 years old at the time thinking I would never find a woman to be in my life.

Then one day my boss who I had just met said,"Dude there is a girl I want you to meet".

I said no I did not want to get involved in another relationship just to have it turn out to be a one night stand.

He said no this girl was different just come and meet her.

I finally said okay and the moment I walked up to her and she looked up and smiled I thought," I think this is the one I have been looking for".

I even told her that.

But she thought I was looking all over the club for her.

We were married for 22 years before she died .

She gave me two beautiful daughters and i think of her EVERY day.

Don't give up their out there somewhere.

Originally posted by Denco

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by Denco

 

Perhaps you're looking too hard...

Most times the right person comes along when you're not looking for them

I guess another issue is where would I find someone? I work mostly with families and don't do the bar/club scene much. I go to church and participate in activities, but it's all family oriented. So aside from everything I've tried... it would have to be something very random! Like the fedex guy lol.

I find that from personal experience as well as the experiences of others in my life, usually when someone is having trouble finding or achieving something that they want it is due to their inability to open themselves up fully to the experience, or an inner discontent. You appear to think that you may not be good enough in some respects (i.e. profession, family, your race and even your relationship status as being single), as in you think it is a possibility that these things may be deterring potential partners.

First of all, you needn't worry over these things. It's ridiculous to imagine that you might not be good enough for someone else. Be confident in your status and accomplishments, be content with every fiber your being. You need to be happy with where you're at so that you can let more into your life. Somewhere deep in your psyche, you're not allowing this to happen, most likely unconsciously.

Secondly, do what you love to do. Whether it is going to church or playing sport or whatever hobby you're interested in, engage in it and you will meet people with other similarities to you. I have it in my confidence that if you're trying to meet someone, that's the first thing you do.

Lastly, believe that you will find someone. Don't be jettisoned by the idea that things haven't been going well. Keep negative thoughts at bay and be confident that someone will come along at the right moment.

reply to post by pretty_vacant


Thank you!

Originally posted by pretty_vacant


I find that from personal experience as well as the experiences of others in my life, usually when someone is having trouble finding or achieving something that they want it is due to their inability to open themselves up fully to the experience, or an inner discontent. You appear to think that you may not be good enough in some respects (i.e. profession, family, your race and even your relationship status as being single), as in you think it is a possibility that these things may be deterring potential partners.

First of all, you needn't worry over these things. It's ridiculous to imagine that you might not be good enough for someone else. Be confident in your status and accomplishments, be content with every fiber your being. You need to be happy with where you're at so that you can let more into your life. Somewhere deep in your psyche, you're not allowing this to happen, most likely unconsciously.

Secondly, do what you love to do. Whether it is going to church or playing sport or whatever hobby you're interested in, engage in it and you will meet people with other similarities to you. I have it in my confidence that if you're trying to meet someone, that's the first thing you do.

Lastly, believe that you will find someone. Don't be jettisoned by the idea that things haven't been going well. Keep negative thoughts at bay and be confident that someone will come along at the right moment.

This is the best advice I've read here, speaking from the perspective of having the same trouble as the OP. I'm 40, divorced, have my own unit (mortgage), reasonable car (Mazda 6), work in the public service, and do bodybuilding and actually look like I do it. I've had a history that has made me feel very closed off from people and very difficult to open up and receive things in life - basically everything pretty_vacant is saying here.

As for the "love will find you when you least expect it", this is nonsense despite peoples' experience to the contrary because if this was like some kind of law where it inevitably happens, then I would of had at least one date over the past five years since my separation (divorce came much later), of which I have not had any. And for the most part, haven't gone looking or searching or appearing in any way shape or form, desperate and lonely.

I like the advise by pretty_vacant buddy.

When I get messages like, "Hi. What do you like to do for fun?" I delete them. I have a very detailed profile.

Why?

Such messages are simply attempts to start a conversation. Yes, they've likely read your profile, and see what you listed, but that's different than TALKING to you about it, and why you like it, how you like it, etc.

For example, if you said you like fishing...that's just a topic. Do you like freshwater, salt water, fly fishing, etc.? It's just an attempt to start a discussion.

Have to examine the fish more closely before you toss it back into the sea....

Originally posted by Gazrok

When I get messages like, "Hi. What do you like to do for fun?" I delete them. I have a very detailed profile.

Why?

Such messages are simply attempts to start a conversation. Yes, they've likely read your profile, and see what you listed, but that's different than TALKING to you about it, and why you like it, how you like it, etc.

For example, if you said you like fishing...that's just a topic. Do you like freshwater, salt water, fly fishing, etc.? It's just an attempt to start a discussion.

Have to examine the fish more closely before you toss it back into the sea....

Well like I said, I'm easily irritated. I know that's a problem. I should have been more specific with that example though. I totally get what you're saying, BUT I'm so detailed in my profile (which I have since taken down) that it's obvious that some people don't even read my profile. Some are shocked to learn I have kids! Which I mention in my profile. I guess I just don't like having to repeat myself.
So I've taken some time to work on myself. Not going to worry too much anymore. I'm definitely don't with the online dating. That was becoming a negative thing in my life. I was developing such a bad attitude about it.
After about the 500th "what do you like to do for fun" line, I was done!! LOL

Thank you though for your post