Don't you hate being misunderstood?

I had a falling out with a girl who was a friend of mine last year just over simple miscommunication. Sometimes I look at people after I say hello to them, not expecting them to look back. She was extra perceptive and she saw that I was looking at her. I wasn't looking at her to flirt... or anything, but sometimes I have a look of concern on my face, as if I have something to say. She thought that because I looked at her in that way (when I was just thinking, sometimes I gaze at people) that I always have things to say to her, or like whatever), so... we talk every once in a while. We get along with each other when we're in groups (she's admitted this to a friend of mine who told me about it). We've had our differences.

But, for some strange reason when I started talking to her she always assumed that I always had something to say when I talked to her, when that clearly isn't true, and sometimes I had things to say because she might have disclosed something earlier, and I wanted to know about what happened. Sometimes I just want to ask people how they're doing, and, they go on a really long conversation, and, I don't like it when they complain afterwards that I talk to them too much when they don't know how to stop talking. I know that there were other reasons for our falling-out at the time and we're going to be talking to each other more and we'll be on friendlier terms next year... but there were a lot of misunderstandings, especially with what she thought I was doing and what I was doing, and, also there were just some circumstances where I did indeed need to talk about them (I had some issues with one of her friends for instance), and all of these things in concert led her to have these strange impressions of me.

I don't have this problem with everyone. But don't you just hate being misunderstood? Again, I just want to clarify that I'm not naive or anything and I know there were other reasons for our falling out... but it just is annoying when someone overlooks your positive traits in your personality just because you have some negative personality quirks, or, because they might misread you.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


know what you mean bro..

i was married ----twice...

the first one loved me.. but the Vision she had of me...

ok i am Good lookin... but when she heard me sing... she fell in love..

we made a great son.!!!

but she NEVER listened to me speaking from the heart.....






today i have an UGLY wife.... who listens to my EVERY word.. and understands..!!

and THAT makes her BEAUTY-FULL!!!





you sound,, young!!??!??!?!??!??!???!



and if you listen instead of talk.......... you might find a good listener... for YOU!!!!

were you two in a relationship or just friends?

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Indeed, communication may be very difficult at times. The odds are stacked against you if the other person harbors preconceived notions, or if they think they know what you are thinking by the expression on your face. Sometimes people project part of their personality or their agenda onto others when it is not applicable. Yikes! Makes it tough to get your point across.

When I see some folks on TV or in YouTube vids completely mangling the language I wonder if they realize how ignorant (or stupid, or uneducated) they appear to others. I'm not picking on foreigners or those who speak English as a second language. Most of us go through the public school system. An English teacher is pretty much the same regardless of where you are in America ( i hope! ).

Frankidealist35 the biggest problem I have with communication is that most people will not let others speak without rudely cutting them off to interject their own thought, opinion, or all too often, snarky wisearse comment. My own wife does this so often that she didn't even notice when I tried a little experiment. Tired of not being able to finish a sentence, I stopped participating in our conversations and instead just let her ramble on. This went on for a year. She never noticed, not one time. She is an extremely intelligent woman, she just has a bad habit.

reply to post by VicDiaz89


We were just friends. The problem was that I was having some issues with one of her friends and it made me paranoid if it was just her that I was having the problems with, or, if it were just all of them. We ended up talking about this a bit too much, and, because I was going through this drama, or, whatever, she got the impression that I always wanted to talk to her about something or that I always wanted to talk about my problems.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


my brethren i know exactly what your talking about,when you have that look that you have something to say its true,you have a fire in you let it out, ive been misunderstood with girls well...........this girl at the time,that doesnt understand and it drives me batty!!! even though we lived togeather,been through alot of crap,even witnessed me get stabbed for the first time,i want her more than anything besides my son and music ha ha,anyways, what ive noticed about relationships pertaining to the male and the female of the species in an objectionless perspective is that the ones that are throwing themselves at you you have less interest in,the ones that are a little harder to get even though they are attracted to you but not your actions ,you want them more than life itself,its a hellish disposition but im going thru it lol , i know it may seem like a miscommunication,but women know the game,the way they see it is if you want them that bad you will do everything you can and accomplish what they want to get them,love is not enough after awhile,noones perfect and we all make mistakes but women have it down,especially when they have people to console them and all that on their level,men dont have that typically,me i dont give a crap what anyone thinks i feel what i feel and express it anyway i can

Yeah,women are like this,they only want you to be there for them when they need it,they hate to do the same for us,But im not really grasping the issue in your case.Is she rejecting you because you have a problem with one of her friends?

Being misunderstood should be my middle name. I am a very good listener and at times its taken for granted. Those that know us well, understand and at times we dont even realize that we are doing our little quirks. I find it very upsetting that I have had to be careful with some, because of me being careful not to let me quirks be known.

Maybe you should just let her know that it was a clear misunderstanding, I cant say that she will believe this, but at least you straightened it out and said your piece.

Peace, NRE.

I should also state that I had a previous falling out with her before because in the past I actually would talk to her too much. My problem then was it was jan-term and during the January session of classes I had nothing to do so I was bored and I wanted to hang out with the few people I knew that were on campus, and, because of that, she seems to think that I always want to talk to her. I guess I gave her a bad impression of me before then since it did give the impression that I was around her a lot, that I was clingy, or something, so when I talked to her it seemed to her that I was reverting back to that.

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


We've had misunderstandings before. This one shouldn't be as bad as the other ones, but, it wasn't the reason for the falling out (like I said). I'm sure that things would be better next year when we work out the misunderstanding though. I'm just saying, that while working out the misunderstanding might help, it might not make things completely better. But I won't know that until next year.

maybe you should just step outside your boundaries for a bit and meet new girls,and stop taliung to that one.

reply to post by VicDiaz89


Believe me I am. It's just that when we ended this I was ready to move on but she said she was sorry and that she didn't mean to end it on that note. My friend also told me that she could see us having middle ground where it would be every once in a while. I am not stuck on this girl, and, there are a number of girls I talk to and hang out with around campus. I am not fixated on her by any sense at all.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


im on my ps3 so youll have to excuse my short,blunt responses,anyways what i dont understand bro is why she felt smothered,did you just talk to the chick alot because it was convenient or did you like her?

reply to post by VicDiaz89


Kind of both. It was convenient as a way for me to pass the time and I was pretty interested in her. We seemed to get along well but I overstayed my welcome a bit earlier. I was ready to move on from this girl but my friend (who is close to her) insisted that I try to work something out with her and that maybe I could be good friends with her next year.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


lol sounds to me like your in quite a pickle..anytime you have two good friends that are chicks and you kind of like one theres bound to be problems