It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

the psychology behind suicide?

page: 1
5
<<   2  3 >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 03:00 AM
link   
With this thread I'm calling out to people who have attempted suicide in the past. I need to hear from them what went on in your mind afterwards, because I feel that no one else can give me answers at this moment.
I know that probably everyone has an idea about the topic, but only those who have been there truly know the experience.

Last Wednesday I found my mom in her house, she had taken a mix of pills, about 100 in total. She had taken the pills on Monday already so she was lying there for two days when I found her. After 24 hours on the Intensive care it seems that she will be alright again, right now her kidneys are not 100% yet and her blood pressure is still low, but they moved her into a normal hospital room this morning.
She will live, that's the most important thing.
But she really meant to kill herself, this wasn't a call for attention. There was a suicide note on the table and she had made all the arrangements. She ordened all of her paperwork with notes on what to do with it, her bank cards with pin codes,... everything.

I know she had a tough couple of years, my father died 18 months ago and she never really dealt with my brothers suicide 4 years ago. I know she has debt, but nothing she can't overcome. I know her house is a mess and needs to be fixed up (urgent) and she doesn't have the money. I tried to help her out a million times but she never accepted my or anyone elses help. She is to stubborn and to proud. The only thing she allowed me to do was fill up her car with gas every week.
But after talking to her yesterday, all the above is not why she did it.
Two months ago she met a guy and started 'some kind' of weir relationship with him, now this guy rejects her and she acts like a 14 year old thinking it is the end of the world. She tried to kill herself for a man she only knew for two months!
To me it is clear that she doesn't have a clear perspective on her life anymore and she's acting irrational. She is angry and sad that her suicide attempt failed.
Later today or tomorrow they will move her into a psychiatric care unit of the hospital (they are waiting for a bed to come available), she won't be able to leave there until her psychiatrist allows it. I know it's harsh on her and she is so angry at us but I really don't see another way at this point. If she doesn't come to terms with her situation and starts to deal with things, maybe accept all the help that is offered, she will just do it again.

So I need to hear straight from the minds of those who have been there, what can I do? How should I act? What is the best way to help her right now?
A therapist told me that what she doesn't need right now is me telling her what to do, she doesn't need to hear all my great ideas on how to fix HER life, she doesn't want to hear it right now. So what should I do? What is she thinking?

I took all her paperwork home with me and I'm paying off a lot of her debt, I don't care about her pride. I went to her house yesterday and started cleaning there, something she obviously hasn't done in months. I'm feeding her dogs, doing her laundry... at least it makes me feel like I'm doing 'something'. I want her to come home to a better life. But again she will be angry at me for trying.

My brother succeeded in his suicide and all there was left to do for us what come to terms with it, but for my mom it's not to late yet.
I wish I could see inside their minds and know what's going on in there

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope it's ok to post this thead in this forum,
What I'm looking for is the psychology behind suicides and attempted suicides,
all tips and shared experiences are welcome
thanks




posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 03:15 AM
link   
First of all, I'm very sorry that this has happened. I know it cannot be easy. The other thing I am wondering is if mental illness runs in your family, because of what happened with your brother. I say this because, yes I've been there, I was dxed with bipolar and have been taking medication since. The medication is what has kept me from becoming suicidal again. I honestly think for me, it was a chemical imbalance and medication was able to correct this (perhaps it's something to consider with your mom). Before I was on medication, I used to have no perspective on things, and fly off the handle really easily, had symptoms of psychosis (delusions/hallucinations/dissociation)...I could be happy and manic one moment, and then become incredibly depressed and suicidal the next, often there was no "reason", but other times different things would "trigger" this reaction...so I guess that's the other point I'm getting at, is that people who are suicidal, are not really thinking "rationally" at all. Suicide is not a rational option. It's what you do when you are desperate and completely have lost perspective. I often hear people say things like "i don't understand why anyone would want to kill themselves" or "don't they realize how much this hurts the people around them"...and the answer to both is that the person doesn't care about what other people think because suicide in and of itself is not a rational thought process...For me the irrationality of it all was just another symptom that came along with the psychosis that I also got (i.e. delusions and hallucinations). I've also heard people describe suicide (and I would agree) as a desperate attempt to get the pain to stop...this to me makes sense, because all the times I was suicidal, I was also in an incredible amount of emotional and psychic pain...it's indescribable if you have never been there. Before I babble on any further...I want to go through my bookmarks and check out some of the sites that I used when I was going through this, maybe they will be of some help to you too. So give me a bit, and I'll get back to you with some more.
edit on 29-4-2011 by meeneecat because: (no reason given)

edit on 29-4-2011 by meeneecat because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 03:19 AM
link   

Originally posted by GypsK
With this thread I'm calling out to people who have attempted suicide in the past. I need to hear from them what went on in your mind afterwards, because I feel that no one else can give me answers at this moment.
I know that probably everyone has an idea about the topic, but only those who have been there truly know the experience.

Last Wednesday I found my mom in her house, she had taken a mix of pills, about 100 in total. She had taken the pills on Monday already so she was lying there for two days when I found her. After 24 hours on the Intensive care it seems that she will be alright again, right now her kidneys are not 100% yet and her blood pressure is still low, but they moved her into a normal hospital room this morning.
She will live, that's the most important thing.
But she really meant to kill herself, this wasn't a call for attention. There was a suicide note on the table and she had made all the arrangements. She ordened all of her paperwork with notes on what to do with it, her bank cards with pin codes,... everything.

I know she had a tough couple of years, my father died 18 months ago and she never really dealt with my brothers suicide 4 years ago. I know she has debt, but nothing she can't overcome. I know her house is a mess and needs to be fixed up (urgent) and she doesn't have the money. I tried to help her out a million times but she never accepted my or anyone elses help. She is to stubborn and to proud. The only thing she allowed me to do was fill up her car with gas every week.
But after talking to her yesterday, all the above is not why she did it.
Two months ago she met a guy and started 'some kind' of weir relationship with him, now this guy rejects her and she acts like a 14 year old thinking it is the end of the world. She tried to kill herself for a man she only knew for two months!
To me it is clear that she doesn't have a clear perspective on her life anymore and she's acting irrational. She is angry and sad that her suicide attempt failed.
Later today or tomorrow they will move her into a psychiatric care unit of the hospital (they are waiting for a bed to come available), she won't be able to leave there until her psychiatrist allows it. I know it's harsh on her and she is so angry at us but I really don't see another way at this point. If she doesn't come to terms with her situation and starts to deal with things, maybe accept all the help that is offered, she will just do it again.

So I need to hear straight from the minds of those who have been there, what can I do? How should I act? What is the best way to help her right now?
A therapist told me that what she doesn't need right now is me telling her what to do, she doesn't need to hear all my great ideas on how to fix HER life, she doesn't want to hear it right now. So what should I do? What is she thinking?

I took all her paperwork home with me and I'm paying off a lot of her debt, I don't care about her pride. I went to her house yesterday and started cleaning there, something she obviously hasn't done in months. I'm feeding her dogs, doing her laundry... at least it makes me feel like I'm doing 'something'. I want her to come home to a better life. But again she will be angry at me for trying.

My brother succeeded in his suicide and all there was left to do for us what come to terms with it, but for my mom it's not to late yet.
I wish I could see inside their minds and know what's going on in there

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope it's ok to post this thead in this forum,
What I'm looking for is the psychology behind suicides and attempted suicides,
all tips and shared experiences are welcome
thanks


Yes ive dealt with this. My mother started out as acts of attention, my young age and lack of understanding to what was happening drove it further. Pills is how she went the final attempt (did not succeed I was lucky). She had downed diabetic medication, her sugar was so low she was close to diabetic coma and death.
For her awakening it was the look on my face when she had come to days later and realized what she had done to me. Shes never been able to describe the look but my face had apparently said it all.

What i did? I really dont know. What you've done so far? What every child should do for a parent in need. One thing i would advise is just make sure that no matter how this affects you, dont let her feel that guilt for doing it. From the sounds of the house situation and the debt she has slipped into a dark dark place and will rely on someone to bring her out (and you probably wont find her being receptive or outright saying she relies on you).

Dont you feel guilty about the psychiatrist enforced observation. My mother put up a very large fight. She attempted to leave the hospital in her hospital gown and threw a punch at the officer that went to pick her up. Its irrational behaviour but i think normal to the situation. I know my mother didnt hate me but man was she pissed i did that....today she thanks me for saving her life.

Shes your mother and you know she has a rational side, its just not showing right now. Work with any therapists that she has and look into social services in your area to find help for yourself as well. It will help with some of those feelings of anger and resentment for what she did. That sounds harsh but it was things i felt and couldnt help because of it, which then leads to guilt for feeling a completely normal emotion to that situation.
I needed someone to know it and talking helped, since obviously with a fragile emotional state, you dont want to be expressing to your mother.

Dont worry too much about how you are handling everything and whether its right. I like to think that parents have a natural ability to nurture and take care of their children, it can so be with children who need to care for their parents, alot of it will come naturally.

Good luck to you and I hope she gets out of that dark hole
edit on 29-4-2011 by topherman420 because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 03:24 AM
link   
Hey,
sorry to hear about all of this.
I think in a lot of cases, depression can be genetic. It seems like this can be the case considering your brother committed suicide.
I'm no expert on any of this, but i do have some experience. One of my uncles committed suicide a few years ago, and recently one of my cousins attempted to as well.
I was depressed last year and was actually considering it, but I just thought about my friends and family, and couldn't bear the thought of leaving them that way.
I think one of the main reasons people think about committing suicide is that they feel like their life is going nowhere, and don't see anything good coming anytime soon.
I'm sure your mom is just lonely and feeling hopeless. I agree with the advice the doctor told you. Your mom probably doesnt want sympathy from you and she probably doesnt want your help. The most important thing in my opinion, is telling her that you love her, and remind her how much it hurt the both of you when your brother passed, and you dont want to feel that way again.
The main thing that held me back was knowing there were people that loved me and cared about me.
I know its hard to show your love sometimes, but it makes all the difference.



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 03:26 AM
link   
reply to post by GypsK
 


Maybe you should give her an excuse to mother you.

If her kids are all gone and independent, then maybe she doesn't feel as useful as she once did. Perhaps you could get her to help you with stuff (mother you).

Also, if you ever thought about giving her grandkids, let her know.



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 03:35 AM
link   
When I was going through everything, I often used a forum, maybe either you mom or you would find it helpful...there's a section for both people suffering, as well as for family and loved ones. It says it's for people with depression and bipolar but it includes all mental illness as well as people who are just suffering through difficult times in their lives. I've always gotten really good support from the people there. They even have a phone chain, so if you ever need to talk to anyone (i.e. you are suicidal), you can just put out a "help" post on the board and someone will call you. (there's also the national suicide hotline too that you should give your mom the number for: 1-800-273-8255)
Here's the forum:
dbsa.invisionzone.com...

And here's an article from psychology today's website called "the 6 reasons people attempt suicide"
www.psychologytoday.com...

I found this excerpt from a book called "The Enigma of Suicide". It's kinda old, but I thought this quote might be helpful. I haven't read much of the book, just scanned through it, but maybe there's something that might be of use in it. (it's also online for free



“No one knows why people kill themselves. Trying to find the answer is like trying to pinpoint what causes us to fall in love or what causes war. There is no single answer. Suicide is not a disease like cancer or polio. It is a symptom. ‘The problem of suicide cuts across all diagnoses,’ says John Mack, a psychiatrist and coauthor of Vivienne, the story of a fourteen-year-old girl who hanged herself. ‘Some are mentally ill, most are not. Some are psychotic, most are not. Some are impulsive, most are not.’ Says psychologist Pamela Cantor, ‘People commit suicide for many reasons. Some people who are depressed will commit suicide, and some people who are schizophrenic will commit suicide, and some people who are fine but impulsive will commit suicide. We can’t lump them all together.”

books.google.com... =en&ei=bXa6TZSoMoubtweG9uXeBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4&ved=0CDoQ6AEwAw#v=onepage&q=lump&f=false

Hope that helps a bit.



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 03:49 AM
link   

Originally posted by Exuberant1
reply to post by GypsK
 


Maybe you should give her an excuse to mother you.

If her kids are all gone and independent, then maybe she doesn't feel as useful as she once did. Perhaps you could get her to help you with stuff (mother you).

Also, if you ever thought about giving her grandkids, let her know.



I starred you because getting out of ones head to help others is good medicine, though this is just one part of the equation. The daughter would need to be careful not to be an enabler or codependent in this matter.

Op...getting her in a place of protection is a good thing. But she will have to learn to find reasons to want to help herself...this is the key. Things like gratitude lists, positive self talk and reprogramming( positive brainwashing) are things she will have to force herself to do.

Just a few tips so far, i will add later if i can.



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 04:10 AM
link   
I don't know if my experience can be of any help to you, but I hope it will.

First of all I really feel for you. I know what it is like (somewhat ) being in your position.

My mother has attempted suicide 3 times now, all of them were due to my dad, him beating her for no reason at all. such as putting a bowl at the wrong place.
And I have almost attempted it once, and still think about it occasionally.

The above is not a call for attention or something, I just want to clarify where I am coming from.

As for my mom, what I know is that she did it because she was just sick and tired of all the beatings.

So I would think you would need to figure out the main cause and fix that. most probably the man was just the straw that broke the camels back. The depression caused by the debt and such being the main reason. As someone else suggested I also suggest getting her to somehow mother one or more of you. Ask her opinion in any major thing you do, and get her to live with one of you.

If possible ask her to transfer all her belongings to you (including the debt) so she can be debt free and get her to live with and mother you feeling a useful part of the family again.

A way to calm her anger would be to tell her that you needed her to live, not for herself but for you. Most mothers will do anything for their children.

Now to answer your question of what goes inside a suicidal persons head.

I can only speak for myself. A suicide does not happen all at once. It is often planned in advance, during the planning phase one is obsessed with the suicide, and does NOT think of reasons to live, but rather reasons to die. Only the advantages of being dead are considered, and not the disadvantages.

At the time of suicide, one is really calm and collected and has a very clear goal in mind, and a very clear plan of what to do. Regardless of whether the plan will succeed or not.

I hope this helps, if you have any questions about my or my mums experience feel free to ask.



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 04:43 AM
link   
Yes, mental illness does run in my family. My mother has been on medication for 30 years, mostly anti depressants but she always functioned fine on them considering her tought life ( alcoholic husband, dealing with his cancer, a son who commited suicide, debts). We didn't had a clue about my brother being depressed though.
I have an aunt who is constantly in therapy because she realizes her mental problems.
There are overall signs of mental illness in my family.
I myself have dealth with depression and anxiety but I don't take medication, I do have professional help and someone to talk to when I feel an episode coming and this has always helped me. I have never felt suicidal though and always realized that I have a family who are influensed by my actions. I can wallow in self pitty for days but never became irrational.

My mom on the other hand, irrational thoughts is all she has now, I can only hope she will get the professional help she needs and hope it will make a difference in the end.

Thanks for those links, I'll check them out asap



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 04:53 AM
link   
Your right, she is in a very dark place right now. I know she is not capable of being thankful or even to realize what this is doing to us and what we are trying to do for her. I hope she will realize it one day though...
She is very angry, everything she says to me sounds vicious and mean but I do realize that this is not her rational side speaking so I just let her be angry... it will pass.
Yesterday when she was telling me that she did it for him, the guy she's been dating for two months, she said that he was all that matters and she couldn't care less for everything else. I asked her if she cared more for this guy then for her own children that she was willing to die for him but not willing to live for her children, she said that was exactly how she felt... but again, these are not rational thoughts.

I expect her to put up a fight as well, I'm preparing myself for anything right now, expecting the worst when I visit her later today. But frankly, I don't care that she's angry at me or vicious, if that's what it takes to get her through the process of getting better then that's how it will be.
Hope I get a chance to talk to her psychiatrist today, I'm sure he can give me more advice on this.

thanks for the reply



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 05:03 AM
link   
reply to post by GypsK
 


Also, you should give her some space.

If she doesn't want to see you and you use circumstances to force her to see you then you are violating her - this includes things like showing up at the hospital when she doesn't want to see you.

Also, don't delude yourself into thinking that she actually wants to see you but is just 'not being rational'. If she doesn't want to see you, then that's the way it is. Seeing you is not necessary for her to function and have a normal life, so don't use her willingness to see you as a measure of her recovery.



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 05:06 AM
link   
reply to post by Exuberant1
 


She has two grandkids already who I know she loves very very much. It only shows how deep down she is right now...

What you are sugesting, that's something I couldn't pull off, you see, I'm the only one who truely did something with her life in my family and I'm the only one who never needed help (and I often felt like my parents resented me for that).
She wrote in her suicide note to me " you have a good life and a good husband, stay on your pink cloud for as long as you can and never let someone push you off!"
I actually feel guilty for having what she could never have and I've tried to share it so many times but she would never accept it. I don't care for money or materialistic things, all I care for is happines for me and my family! It makes me happy to see her happy but she never could see that.
Same for my brother, if he had just come to me with his financial problems they could have been fixed in days, he never told me anything or asked me anything.... I often wonder, did I really act like such a bitch that they couldn't come to me? Of course, I can fix many of her problems but I can't fix her love life or her emotional state of mind...



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 05:14 AM
link   
reply to post by GypsK
 


be there for your Mom. hold her hand, give her support. most important: Listen. i wish you both good luck.



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 05:17 AM
link   
One more thing,
I have her cell phone, I took it home to load the battery.
Now this guy she did it for keeps calling every night. He starts at midnight and for the next 2 hours he calls every 20 min. I don't take the calls I just let it ring.

My mother is now asking for her cellphone and everyone keeps telling me not to give it to her because she will obviously try to call him.
The reason they broke up was because this guy admitted to have a crush on my sister and not on my mother. He's a real ass... he does not want to be with her or be seen with her but he does call her at night and ask if she comes over (for obvious reasons).... and when that happens she went. She can't see or does not want to see what this guy is like.
he doesn't know what she did yet and I'm not planning on telling him.

But now she wants the phone to call him and she's verry pissed that I won't bring it to the hospital.
should I give her the phone? I think it would just be more oil to the fire if I do....


Thanks everyone for the replies and the tips, I need to go offline for a couple of hours but I'll respond to the other replies later tonight and by then I probably have more information from her doctors.
edit on 29/4/2011 by GypsK because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 05:29 AM
link   
reply to post by GypsK
 


There are many reasons why a person choose to die by his/her own hands. When a person has been reduced to a state of despair beyond what they can take,they will wish that they will go insane,but if that does not happen,they will consider death as the only way to escape from the intense mental suffering. They think that all their problems will end when their physical body dies. If they knew that, that is not true and the problem and suffering will be carried into the astral dimension with them and that their astral form will be stuck in the area where they committed suicide. It is a sin to take your own life(and others) and the punishment is that you will be suck there and you can only move within 100 meters of the area where you died. The reason why accidents regularly happen around a certain spot is that the souls who are stuck there are only and they cause others to die to accompany them. There are ways to help them by offering food to them and trying to make them understand that they have done wrong and if they realise their wrong doings they can be release to go back into the higher level of the astral dimension where all others are at. The universal law is that if you awaken and realise your wrongs and accept it you will elevate above your present level.



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 05:36 AM
link   
reply to post by GypsK
[more


I am so sorry for the position you are in due to your mothers pain which caused her

to do what she did. I think that what you are doing for her is the right thing Although

not of a suicidal mind set i can relate to your mother. Her frame of mind at present at

present is that she knows how to die but has forgotten how to live. As we go through life

we have to learn how to adapt and change with circumstances (nothing stays the same)

As we get older our supporting net work changes and we need to know how to deal with it.

Your mother has lost her husband (a 24/7 fact in her life as well as emotional and financial

support for how many years?) The empty nest syndrome of her children leaving home and

if she is getting on in years perhaps losing some or many friends to death. Then putting her

hopes in someone who she trusted (too easily because of her needyness) and who let her

down. You alone cannot fill all those gaps for your mother but you when she is recovered

can help her make new friends, hobbies, interests, and have some regular (but not regimented)

together time. New interests, a job, ( a job is more than a means of financial support and

independence it can also be social a means of meeting people) I have been married, i have

had a few meaningful relationships. I am alone now but being independant makes me feel

strong and i like to say "I am alone but not lonely" You can help your mother to this place

You have already made a start by doing the cleaning and taking some of the clutter from her

life which was weighing heavily on her and it was easier to do nothing than to find where to

start. I hope some of what i have said is of some help to you



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 05:47 AM
link   

Originally posted by GypsK

My mother is now asking for her cellphone and everyone keeps telling me not to give it to her because she will obviously try to call him.


Give her the phone.

You are violating her by with-holding her phone. It is an act of cruelty and a demonstration of power that you should not be engaging in with your own mother.



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 05:56 AM
link   
Missed your post on your mothers tough life 'an alcholic husband and dealing with his

illness even in this tough time for her there was one thing for her that seems to be missing

now. 'SHE FELT NEEDED' i think there is a clue there.



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 09:19 AM
link   
Usually guilt or a loss of hope.
edit on 29-4-2011 by SystemResistor because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 29 2011 @ 11:50 AM
link   

Originally posted by Exuberant1

Originally posted by GypsK

My mother is now asking for her cellphone and everyone keeps telling me not to give it to her because she will obviously try to call him.


Give her the phone.

You are violating her by with-holding her phone. It is an act of cruelty and a demonstration of power that you should not be engaging in with your own mother.


Keep in mind her state of mind. If a child was acting up, or wanted something that could negatively affect them you would keep it away from them. Its not a punishment, its not cruelty, its doing the critical logical thinking that she is unable to do for herself. He doesnt need anymore guilt added to the equation by being labelled as cruel or power tripping and she is in a very fragile position where things like "relationships" (and from the story of OP the man is not much for a partner) especially potential self destructive ones are way out of her capacity right now.

To the OP, dont feel bad. When mental health is an issue, its good to have a family member take the role of parent and guardian...which is technically what you are right now. Ask yourself one question if you question your actions. Would my mother do this for me in my best interests? What would she do if she were me? Most of us know how we were raised and can answer this question later in our adult life when we understand our parents actions.

In a nutshell OP you sound logical, sound of mind, mature and show a great care for your mother, I believe you are in a good position to deal with this, and remember theres no mistakes with situations like this really. Its not something you can write a handbook on or have a sure idea on whats right and wrong in what situation "Love" is blind and any of us that have experienced it know what im talking about. Its sounding as though she is blinded by love...in this case her own love for thsi man which is not being received back. If he was a true loving partner, and cared for her he would know what happened to her himself and would of been there for her. He obviously isnt around much, the things you have mentioned has shown hes a negative influence in your mothers life, and i give you props for being brave like that and taking a step like that. You are standing up for your mother and protecting her while she cannot right now.



new topics

top topics



 
5
<<   2  3 >>

log in

join