Ostracism hurts—but how? Shedding light on a silent, invisible abuse

Ostracism hurts—but how? Shedding light on a silent, invisible abuse

www.psychologi calscience.org

Humans need to belong. Yet they also commonly leave others out. Animals abandon the weakest to ensure the survival of the fittest. So do kindergartners and ’tweens, softball players and office workers.

Common though they are, rejection and exclusion hurt. Endured for a long time, ostracism leaves people feeling depressed and worthless, resigned to loneliness or desperate for attention—in extreme cases, suicidal or homicidal.

(visit the link for the full news article)



Related AboveTopSecret.com Discussion Threads:
The stages of the journey into the community of ATS

This particular approach to examining a "non-behavior" which contributes to various mental health conditions has been long ignored in research.

Perhaps finally, a look will be taken on how shunning affects the onset, exacerbation, and development of some patient's mental health conditions.

however, this could also become the foundation for an effort to 'force' inclusion in groups in places like schools and other social environments.

Williams is skeptical that ostracism can be eradicated. “It’s pretty ingrained,” he says. “If you tell kids it’s powerful, they’ll use it.” Although some people are seeking legal redress for ostracism as a form of workplace discrimination, “it’s hard to document something that isn’t happening”—not being asked to lunch, not being “in the loop”—and easy to deny. The perpetrator can even turn around and accuse the accuser of paranoia.

Interestingly, this psychologist takes a 'stages of the experience' approach to analyzing the phenomenon....

I find that easier to digest.... but then... I usually shun doctors.

www.psychologi calscience.org
(visit the link for the full news article)

It does hurt to be shunned. Its one of the reasons racism is painful, particularly if you are one of a few of your "kind" in the area.

The good thing is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. While it can break you down, and cause various emotional issues, it can also cause a "breakthrough" in which you really come to understand at a very deep level that your value as a person or happiness as an individual cannot be dependent upon the behavior, words or feelings of others.

If someone can take something away from you, its not really yours. A real sense of self worth cannot be dependent upon externals or you are subject to the manipulations of whomever happens to be socially powerful at a particular point in time. The good thing about finding this most true sense of self, is that once you have it, it cannot be taken away ever. Which doesnt mean you never feel bad if you are not accepted, but instead that you no longer have any willingness to sell yourself short for the gift with strings attached that is known as popularity.

In turn, a stronger and more independent sense of self has the odd effect of making you more acceptable and respected by many, where acceptance seeking often has the opposite effect, and ends up making you even more vulnerable to the whim of the masses.

Good thread. Its an interesting topic.

reply to post by Maxmars


I guess ostracism could be considered one of the driving forces of the worlds culture? When you think about humanity it is nothing more a bunch of competing groups who, because of differences, shun each other.

I have to admit, it's not like I ever thought about shunning as an approach to understanding people.... but you are both quite right.

Nice to see that some researchers heads are not in it for the glory or the money; but the comfort they may be able to engender to people who are suffering unnecessarily.

I suppose it is always desirable to not rely on others for validation or self-worth. But human nature seems to include hardwiring that makes it a difficult thing to achieve in its purest sense. We all need each other, except maybe for sociopaths....

I have been into -Ufology- for 3 decades, and was always put as an exiled outsider from it, upon my entrance into the civilian world, following my exiting the military. When I was in the military, I underwent a really incredible but terrible and traumatic experience, which had to do with the ufo subject. It was a hugely important inquisition, and I obtained FOIA files about it, as a civilian, which I put together in a dossier of documentation, along with my routinely issued military records, and photos I took while in. < Not of ufos, just where I was during the time in question.)
In 1990, all the way up to today, I was met with anger, paranoia, admonishings of caution, or total ignoring, mostly the latter. I recieved alot of meanspiritedness. Unfortunately, as a veteran, I started experiencing disabling sensory sensitivities among other ill conditions, and I was in denial about such, as were my family. So I made myself available (as a woman to men) in the hopes that I could be "rescued" ( IKNOW NOW. BAD IDEA.) But (ahem) a ufo guy for example, would view that as an opportunity, while not acknowledging me to others. This was a severe hurt on top of the already very very painfull hurt, of my seeing through a glass darkly, and falling through the cracks of society, which was worsened, of course.
I feel extremely resentfull/angry about such. Otherwise, okay.

Originally posted by Maxmars

I suppose it is always desirable to not rely on others for validation or self-worth. But human nature seems to include hardwiring that makes it a difficult thing to achieve in its purest sense. We all need each other, except maybe for sociopaths....

It is difficult. But many of the most valuable skills and lesson in life are.

In a mechanical sense, sociopaths need others too. You cant be a predator without prey, and if physically shunned, their lack of emotional attachment for the acceptance of others would not matter one whit in terms of their likely survival.

Human beings are wired to emotionally "need" one another because we literally do PHYSICALLY need one another. Not the other way round. If we didnt physically need one another, we would likely have gone in a different direction emotionally like many animals who travel alone except during breeding season.

The physical need for one another for physical survival is "real" but the emotional need for one another is the way nature programmed us to make being part of a group more desirable, and not being part of a group more painful long before the fatal consequences of not being part of a group kicked in.

Not being a slave to the emotional driver is much like not being a slave to the driver to reproduce, the sex drive. Its not that you want to eliminate it, but it is wise and nice to have mastery over it, and to be able to choose not to satisfy those urges if the price is too high.

reply to post by Maxmars


Yea, it is nice to see science addressing this. I think maybe selfishness is rooted into our nature, Richard Dawkins wrote a book covering it a while back a lot of people here have probably already read, "The Selfish Gene", though if you don't like Atheistic viewpoints I wouldn't read it.

Humanity is still kind of hardwired to be in a natural competitive environment, even though we've advanced under the assumption that we can remain civil with a set order to life. I would think it would be a good idea to artificially remove these traits via genetic modification, perhaps we need to be teaching the masses how to think instead of basic education that would not be relevant to their function in society, especially now that we have the internet and all this free information.

People are so spiteful and defensive, I just recognize this and feel this way because you always pass people in life who will 'mean mug' you. This is a direct result of the competitive nature in humanities evolutionary past, these people are ostracizing others with body language. That is just a small example, but I would imagine it goes right up in scale to ideals between different religious affiliations, nationalities and races, etc; really it quite obviously does.

So humanity as a whole might be stagnating itself because we think with our emotions instead of logic. Ostracism really could be a big problem in our world that we just did not recognize.

This guy is a perfect example of the ostracism I'm talking about and I kind of got on his case about it a little:
www.abovetopsecret.com...

I remember in school...6th grade, we were selecting partners for dancing in Mrs Geo's music class. I was so excited that I executed a spin move, a nice pierouette, and as if I was a fly, the teacher swatted me and put me in a corner and made me stay there for the hour, until class was done. This happened a few more times in school, over the years, and dozens of times later on in life, while I still remained clueless to conditioning infrastructures already in place. I came to learn that my teachers knew something about me that must have been brought to their attention, secretly. It is a long story. I have perfect recall of impossible accusations, situations, through a period of two or three years. My God...there was a fight going on in the playground wherein half the school was picking on some kid. I was aware of it, but not involved in any way. Later, a teacher singled me out and went ballistic on me because I didn't do anything about it. I remember her screaming at me about having my hands in my pockets, and about lying....

Her pockmarked face screaming 'what's the matter with you! WHAT'S the MATTER with YOU!' over and over again, as I shriveled. The background blurred and her face become as a hypnotic disc, flat, grotesque, opaque, and it was all I could see. The same visual trick would happen many times as I learned to experience this mental dynamic. The shout: 'What's the matter with you!' was an ever present, rhetorical 'trigger mechanism'.

Those words are key words given to the operator du jour. I know them all too well. Those of you who understand my rage should understand that I am aware of the world and do this not because of what was performed on me, but in spite of it. I believe, quite simply, that God is aware of the game and has given me gifts to counter the treatment.

As for the bullying that was transpiring, I had nothing to do with anything. Either the kid who was being bullied knew he could name me as a party because I was completely innocent, and kind, and would not retaliate, or the ostracizing was part of a scheduled plan needing only an intro. I suspect the latter.

I believe that I was to be 'conditioned' by these teachers, as part of a program, whether they knew it or not, as long as they had access to me, especially as these were formative years.. But, remembering some of the things kids in the neighborhood said to me, many decades ago, I find it hard to believe that they weren't told things which took years for me to suspect, unravel, synthesize.

Now, as remote control, technology, and conditioning measures have improved drastically over time, I find that the only possible interactive human they can use for this has been put into full operation (has been all along), and has succeeded wonderfully. I have come to realize that I would rather be caught in a lewd personal act, than to be seen tuning a guitar, strumming it, as it is put to me. I no longer whistle. I am not allowed to hum. Even city hall had the unbridled nerve to attempt character assassination on me. I approached an attorney, who happened to be mayor, and recorded the conversation. He soon retired. I no longer step out of the house. It's part of mkultra, through others around me who have no clue of it, since it is so fantastic in nature to believe. It can be a complete stranger. To be aware of it is critical to being free. Sweet Caroline does liberate me from this, even better than Jesus, instantly and with the flick of a bic. The destroyer of my musical inclinations is a rabid Christian, the mixture of which has been near lethal. If so much as a CRACK appears letting in light, Jesus is promptly stuffed right in to that opening. I do believe in Jesus. But I pretty much keep my ideas to myself. The nearest I have come to a shrink has been in passing correspondences, of which the answer has always been 'I'm sorry to hear things are going badly for you'. After a while, one gets the point.

I know it made me become hermetic. Which is nice, actually, but now that I'm so used to that, I don't know if I would ever attempt to socialze again. I know alot of my rejection had to do with the fact that I was desperate and didn't know why I was desperate. Now, I'm all grown up, in my brain, and no longer have hidden expectations and glaring desperation. I often wonder what my attempt to socialize with that, would be, but I just stay put with my cats instead, who make me much much more happy content and comfortable.

reply to post by simone50m


Well I'm glad you have past beyond the trials and are here with us now. Such happenings in one's life often leads us to try roads others fail to see. Patience is a most powerful ally... and one that being excluded tends to strengthen.

reply to post by Maxmars


You are totally right. Presently, I am aware of my true self and truth about everything in general, more than ever before. Which makes me feel pretty happy, actually. And that brought realization that happiness comes from within, not from without.
I like your saying about patience, I think I remember the Great Yoda, Jedi Master, said that!

reply to post by starless and bible black

I just hate what happened to you, it is so horribly sad. I hope there are things which make you feel more happy and secure, presently, though, you deserve that.

reply to post by starless and bible black


I am reminded of the rock opera Pink Floyd's The Wall.

It seems terribly hard to understand what a person who ostensibly chose to teach could possibly been thinking to conduct themselves in such a manner. But by no means do I dispute that it can happen... it has to me as well.

But rather than tell you about that, I would like to extend a welcome to the possible. It is possible to defeat such a string of harrowing experiences. It is possible to be free of the past. It is possible to thrive despite those who forced you under their authoritarian subjugation. All without having to reignite the pain of reliving it.

I appreciate your stepping forward and describing what must have been singularly painful, which is usually very uncomfortable to do if the wounds are still open.

Sometimes I like to think that we endure and get past such things because somehow we must cultivate the experience to help others, or even to help ourselves.

Be well.

reply to post by RSF77


And that is exactly the current plan for smokers - to shun them not only from non-smokers (obsensibly to "protect" others from second hand smoke) but to refuse to allow smokers any place of comfort where they may gather and socialize among each other. Not even in an outdoor venue, like the park or a beach.

Tired of Control Freaks

reply to post by starless and bible black


I just wanted you to know I am sorry you had to endure this, and hope you can find peace in your life. I have no doubt our education system here at least in the states where I live, is set up precisely for indoctrination and control of our children.

Originally posted by TiredofControlFreaks
reply to post by RSF77

 

And that is exactly the current plan for smokers - to shun them not only from non-smokers (obsensibly to "protect" others from second hand smoke) but to refuse to allow smokers any place of comfort where they may gather and socialize among each other. Not even in an outdoor venue, like the park or a beach.

Tired of Control Freaks

This may be out there for many, but I believe that smoke simply interferes with nanoterrorist devices. I spent years pulling nearly invisible strands from my fingers, and to this day, I sleep with my hands in a position which cuts off circulation nearly completely. There must be a reason for this. Think of the smoke as being fine particles of sand inside a swiss watch. It wrecks the works, see. Tobacco is not as bad as it has been made out to be. It guards against airborne radiation too. Tobacco was a scapegoat for the thousands of nukes our loving traitor/leaders exploded upon us. Today, after japan, it no longer matters if we have a nuclear war. Same result, only the way they did it just takes a little more time. Look for our loving leaders to come down on Sweet Caroline big time, because it's anti-cancer properties are legendary. Very soon the day will come whereby we will be growing our food indoors, necessarily. Anyone who has watched a plant grow knows that there are micronutrients which, once added, will make the leaves raise skyward in thankfulness. The same is true for the plant of the human being. mark kirk and friends are very disturbed at this advance in human knowledge. We are supposed to die, see, but it looks better if we die behind bars. I don't think that criminals are allowed to vote, or speak freely, you know?

The revolution has already happened. It just takes time....

I take great pride in being counter culture, 1%er, being labeled a "people like you" on ATS.

Being comfortable and strong in your resolve not to join; breaking the primitive chains of tribalism and cliqueish acceptance is a sign of strength.

At one time in my youth, I so desperately wanted to be accepted but as I matured I saw the emotional compromises I made, to be pointless and ultimately futile.

and as Lewis Black said....

""Americans continue to rapidly homogenize ourselves into a neutered oblivion. For a country founded on the protection of the unique, we relish our sameness."

It's interesting that this thread comes up now, as I was just reading this chapter a few minutes ago (the following link is to the entire online book, but I'll quote a couple of excerpts here below):

Fundamen tal Notions of Endocrinology & Criminology

The Alienated Ones, Written by Samael Aun Weor

"It is impossible to know the fundamental cause of any mental disequilibrium without expanding psychiatry with Theosophy, Rosicrucianism, Hermeticism, yogic philosophy, and high Gnostic esotericism.

"This is how the expanded psychiatry can discover and cure the alienated ones...."

"The scientific investigations of the erudite: the materialistic studies, the rigorous corroborations of the different chemical, physical, biochemical, physiological, etc., phenomena are not complete, because the erudite have not studied Gnosis. They do not know about Kundalini Yoga by Sivananda. They do not know about Jnana Yoga by Vivekananda. They have not studied The Subtle Laws of Nature by the famous Hindustani sage Rama Prasad. They have not exercised themselves with the Tattvic powers. They do not know about the esoteric and endoteric anthropogenesis and cosmogenesis. They do not know anything about occult anatomy nor about the law of Karma, etc. To that end, the materialistic science is incomplete and is a failure. It is only a building without a foundation. It is enough to push that building a little in order to convert it into minute sediment!

"The most critical aspect of this matter is not the materialistic science but the fanaticism of the partisans of the dialectic materialism...."