posted on Jun, 7 2011 @ 03:04 PM
I am so sorry for all those children. I am so sickened that nothing can be done to stop the abusers, that they should so carelessly destroy a young
soul so easily.
What would I have become they must ask themselves? Would I be a doctor, or a pilot, or would I have become a parent? I know I never became any of
those things; I am slowly seeing why.
I am so prideful at times, so easily judgmental, I am angry at best, I am sad on the side, and I am violent if I want to be, but I just did not know
why until I finally stopped to realize who I really am inside; I am the sum of my experiences and I have never faced it in such a manner as I do right
I knew that my abuser captured me and lured me, I recognized that, but now I sit here questioning my own parents role in all of this; were they
compensated by this twisted woman I was forced to call 'Mom"? Why was it so easy for them to let me live with a stranger without knowing who she
I remember I admired her when I met her by the way she could yell at my abusive father, the man I hated with more tears than I could kill him with.
She was strong, mean, and she Loved me, that is what I thought. Why would a stranger love me like that? Why would I be given so many wonderful
things if she did not Love me? I remember I loved her at that moment even though I was forced to tell her ever single day with my kisses.
I remember the look on her husband's face when he told her that I had to leave, that he would not take it any longer, and I remember the gun she
pulled on him to shut him up; a shattered and broken alcohoic. I remember when I finally did fight back and how I was shoved out the door with
nothing more than a bag of clothes; it was shortly afterward when the "new boy" arrived. I know he ran away several times and later went to jail
for stealing those very same guns I used to know so well. I remember his name, I used to know his sister in school. I know that life was worse than
I ever thought and so I returned to my abuser, by then the second boy was gone, she said that she was in fear of him, he was only 16. I never knew
what happened to him after that. Then it was the drugs, and I saw it all start over again, casually the fear crept through me; I knew where it was
going to lead to. I remember the gun to my own temple as I was threatened with my life if I ever left again, and I remember saying that I would
rather die and I walked out for good, or at least I thought so.
I forgot, I really forgot; I visited her again.
I just recently talked to my abuser, a few years ago, I visited actually; she is now in her late 70's. I got to see pictures of her "boyfriend";
I cannot remember his name now. I don't know how many there were by then; this time she told me that she was in-Love and they were going to live
together forever as soon as he got out of prison. I asked her when she met him and she told me he was 13, a year younger than I was when I went to
live with her. She said they were happy together!
That is when I woke up to what she really was, what I had never wanted to admit, what I had denied ever existed whenever I was asked by others.
I left and I have not called or returned; her "man" was due out of prison in Aug 09'. I can only assume they lived happily ever after.
I did not mean to make this personal, I only want to live happily ever after myself, it is all I ever really wanted! Maybe someone will read this and
know that they will do more than I could. Maybe they can stop the monsters before they take another innocent life from us! Maybe it will all go