So, I read this site pretty much every day, have done since about 2006/7? But never signed up, always just read things. I've read some really
interesting and well written posts by some users, so firstly I would like to thank all for the great content.
Reading the main thread post, gave me shivers. It felt as if you were indeed re-telling my life, which is scary as how could you, and so many others
have the exact same feelings and experiences as myself. It freaked me out a little.
I've read every reply and I too have cried myself to sleep as a child wanting to go home when tucked up in bed. I come from an extremely loving
family, especially mother. I've always felt people's feelings and recently, the past 4/5 months I've noticed (I apologise for stereotyping people)
that everyone around me seems to be extremely selfish. It feels as If I myself have done something to threaten them, or hurt them in such a way that
they cannot find it within theirselves to care/love for me the way I do for them, family and friends, well actually I don't feel as if I have any
friends any more and I also feel as if some of my family members don't see me. Like I don't exist. Now, from the past few sentences you're probably
building an impression of me being a loner, some kind of hermit. I'm not, I use to have a ton of friends, I'm the nicest person you'll ever meet,
nothing is too much effort if it means that I can make someone happy. I earn a decent amount of money a month (6k+) as a contract software developer
and have gone through atleast 4 long term relationships from the age of 18. I'm now 26. I love affection.
I prefer being a contractor as from probably the age of 20/21 whenever I was in a job for more than 6/7 months I felt the urge to leave, like I was
being suffocated. Contracting gave me the flexibility to swap between companies (with the benefit of more money), ideal really. I have no problems
with commitment issues, I prefer long term relationships, never had a one night stand. Is anyone similar in their careers?
I always look at the sky, constantly, this may sound really weird but I get the feeling sometimes that I hate people, like, i do live alone now, in
the country. it's quiet and i love it but I sometimes, quite often feel lonely. But being in busy places screws me up, it makes me feel blank, that's
the only way I can describe it.
The vibrating in the ears, jesus. I get this every night. every night, all night, I have it now whilst typing this. It's weird, when I'm home alone I
have my TV volume on like 2 and can hear it completely fine, I don't hear the vibrations start most of the time, it's like I just notice that I can
hear it, like it's been happening for a while but I just havent been ware. Other times, during the day, they vibrating noises come on incredibly quick
and loud then fade out. Not as often during the day though.
It's weird and I feel like a complete moron even writing any of this, let alone typing out the next bit but, since probably mid last year I spent
about 20minutes to an hour, depending how tired I am (I work alot), trying to move objects with my mind, or trying to meditate. I doubt i'm doing any
of it right and i doubt anything will come of any of this and it's all just a 'phase', probably every body goes through this sort of thing? Maybe it's
only because we're talking about it that it seems like some sort of 'awakening'.
I do feel the super power thing though, it's like. I've read alot about Biocentrism, Mo pai, Tesla, Pyramids, Physics etc and new things are being
learnt every day, new law's are being broken or bent. I don't know, nothing add's up to me. I look at the world and it just doesn't make sense. I feel
like I'm waiting for someone to give me something and be like 'here you go, this is all you have to do'.
Oh, also I've just split up from an ex after 2 years, well she split up with me. It was a bit weird, at the start it was amazing, I did pretty much
everything for her and took her on lovely holidays for birthdays etc, then it kind of all went down hill last year, she became cold or it felt that
way. She wasn't doing anything differently or acted differently, it's just like something clicked in me and i became un-satisfied, like I felt nothing
from her anymore. But that happend with a few people, like, literally about 8 or 9. including family members. It's like my feelings dissapeared or
like for example, I was at a family party speaking to a cousin and I saw him, he was infront of me, I was looking at him. But it felt like it didn't
matter, like it's pointless, why am I here, theirs no one here. sort of feeling.
Right im going to stop talking now, before my IP is tracked down and I get taken to a mental asylum.
I also use to have the de ja vu thing all the time when I was a teenager, probably at it's highest when I was 15/16. One really vivid memory was when
I told a friend that I was having a de ja vu (in school), I then told him that my uncle was going to come around the corner in a delivery van. Which
was extremely out of the ordinary as I lived the opposite side to town, I'd been at that school for 5 years and he had never delivered a parcel here.
But on that day at that time I knew he was coming. literally as I was talking he pulled around the corner and I shouted him when he got out of his
van. I don't get them any more though, not in a good few years, well maybe I've had the odd one or two.
edit on 1-2-2015 by hasthatfeeling
because: added story of de-ja-vu