How to overcome Shyness??

I am a pretty depressed person who showered by shyness and it's killing me... Seriously! It's so damn annoying! When i'm around people I know (friends and stuff) i'm loud and usually funny. I know i'm an attractive guy (not to brag) but I still have no confindence and I feel extremely alone. If I could only open up more.. I could meet someone or make new friends. Most of all my depression would probably lift.

Anyone got any ideas? :shk:

I was like that in High School, so I signed up for a Speech & Debate class, and ever since then I have been fine. All the standing in front of groups of people and talking helped me lose my "shell". If you are out of High School, try going to a local college and enrolling in some type of public speaking course.

hey cutie

I'm exactly the same way...i can easily say stuff around friends but i feel awkward around strangers =\...

www.romanceclass.com...

this site is ok but most of it is pretty retarded unless u have serious shyness

Try takign up a martial arts class... apparantly they help with confidence really well... i was (and still am) kinda shy, i'm not sure how i'm making myself fight it but its slowly working... i guess you just gotta think positive

specialasianX, everytime I read your posts, I hear Bert's voice in my mind

Oh yeah, about shyness. I was also shy in High School. I got over it by making an @ss of myself in a public place (albeit, one where no one knows me), but it's a good method

Just think.... TriggerHappy!

[Edited on 7/29/2004 by Rev_Godslapper]

Originally posted by Useful 1diot
I am a pretty depressed person who showered by shyness and it's killing me... Seriously! It's so damn annoying! When i'm around people I know (friends and stuff) i'm loud and usually funny. I know i'm an attractive guy (not to brag) but I still have no confindence and I feel extremely alone. If I could only open up more.. I could meet someone or make new friends. Most of all my depression would probably lift.

Anyone got any ideas? :shk:

Yeah, a 24 of Ten Penny. Seriously, just be yourself man. If people don't like the way you are, screw them, there's other people out there that will accept you for who you are.

Thank-you for your posts everyone!
It was very nice of you!

All the suggestions up until now are good.

However, I have a different idea.


I suggest you post a picture of yourself so I can see your alleged goodlooking-ness


[Edited on 29-7-2004 by shidge.]

Make yourself speak in front of others whose job it is to listen. The more you do it the easier it gets. Do it somewhere where you are talking about stuff that really matters.

Pick a local issue and meet with a local official about it. Be sure to research the topic thouroughly and prepare graphics for a direct and quick presentation. That'll get the shyness out of you

One of the things that helped me (said Berts voice), was i went overseas on my own... and when i was out at clubs and pubs i figured i could afford to be confident and i could risk being made to look like a fool coz i would never see anyone again.... Try going somewhere your not familiar with all on your own for a week and actually go out and be social while you at it.

i say just stop. thats the easiest way.

Just stop being shy. Don't ask how....don't think how....just do it.

If that doesn't work then umm....you're screwed.

Maybe you wouldn't be so shy if you stopped fishing.

Concerning yourself with others opinions is a telltale sign that you have very little to say about yourself earnestly.

I'm not talk about "I'm attractive" or whatever. I mean the real things we judge ourselves by.

-Are you a good person?
-Are you worth something?
-Do you matter?

Etc.

I would look into yourself and regardless of what you find you will feel better. When you find positive results (which you probably will) then rejoice in that. When you find negative results, then write them down along with solutions to fix it. Make a check list and execute it.

People always feel better when they have a plan, even in a pinch

[Edited on 1-8-2004 by KrazyJethro]

A good tip, in a group situation, is to make an extra special effort to concentrate on what everyone else is saying.

Shyness is often a result of being pre-occupied with your own image. i.e. worrying what others might think of you. This takes valuable mental energy away from the the process of getting to know THEM. Over the course of an social occasion, this can lead to you feeling more and more detached from the group, leading to more shyness.

So all you have to do is think about them, the group, or the person you are having a conversation with. Follow conversations round the table. Try to avoid letting the group split into two or more "mini" conversations, Look directly at who ever is speaking, and picture what they are speaking about. You know yourself, so use the social opportunity to get to know them!

You won't be distracted by your own self image and everything will flow more easily from there. You'll find yourself out of your shell before you know it!

I've battled shyness since childhood. I heard joining Toastmasters where you speak in front of groups is a way to overcome it, but I'm too terrified to try it. Perhaps trying some volunteer work might boost your self-worth and give you confidence.

I find the more self-focused I get, the more introverted I get. Thus I find one of the keys to defeating it is forcing yourself to be around people more, to get out more, to interact more, and to learn to initiate conversations with strangers, such as in a waiting room, etc.

Saying self-affirmations in front of a mirror can help. Self-praise aloud can help. You've got to psyche yourself out and reinforce your belief in yourself that you are valued and a worthwhile human being.

Shouting mentally "No" or "Stop!" whenever you begin thinking negative self-talk thoughts helps. Or counter with a positive thought when you catch yourself putting yourself down or criticizing yourself, i.e. "That was stupid of me". counter with "I'm only human!"

maybe it's not shyness, rather, social anxiety?

www.social-anxiety.org...

go there and read through it and see if tyou have any of those symptoms.

I've been SA for as long back as I can remember, but have recently had a complete change in my diet, and taken some st. johns wort, and have never felt more confident and like a new person before in my life.

all of the previous suggestions are also great ideas. good luck

I know the shy feeling. You're find with your friends because you've grown up with them or you've had the time to get to know them. Or they start to talk to you first which makes it alright because they made the move to break the ice.

I was exactly like that all the way up to my last year of college. I joined the basketball team. I was bad at it, but teammates are there for eachother, they were willing to help out and guide me -- and the end of the year I was voted Most improved! But that kinda broke the ice for me. If you join a team, it really teaches you social skills, you meet new people and just have fun. People who i havent seen in a while are surprised how much I've changed, but confidence gets attention. Have fun, feel good about yourself and it'll all come into place.

My advise is *get out there and talk to people.

Try keeping eye contact with the person you are talking to,

And like others have said take up a hobby that helps you feel confident,

You usually consider yourself shy b/c that's what other people tell you. Now that I'm out of high school and college they don't say "shy" anymore they just say "quiet" b/c they know that I'm by no means shy in the traditional sense...my friends know that I'm thinking about things and taking my time to formulate an opinion...and then if it's something even worth talking about I'll speak up and try to make the conversation more interesting for me. I get tired of "party-chatter" real quick so I usually choose to sit back and observe.....

I also had the annoying pleasure of meeting my best friend in my senior year of high school, who is my complete opposite - lol - he can't shut up, he loves to lie to people for laughs, he's annoying and makes an ass out of himself 24/7....hanging out with someone like that can really make you become verbal b/c you have to prove their idiotic notions wrong all day But hey...he's my best friend, even if he is a neanderthal

Originally posted by shidge.
All the suggestions up until now are good.

However, I have a different idea.


I suggest you post a picture of yourself so I can see your alleged goodlooking-ness

[Edited on 29-7-2004 by shidge.]

my 5 month old pic

members.msn.com...~5AAATAAAAEcuM9yn8l1mi83Es01RGv2LmrmjYffjQ5kUS7FdWyWVwD!A$$~5AAAUAAAAGiIWvfQce9NPVEUWCqDX3kgnn48sUpG78iRc$

Just copy/paste all that nonsense. I didn't feel like posting the pic.. Well, i'm not 100% sure how to either.


[Edited on 29-8-2004 by Useful 1diot]