Originally posted by jewells
Thanks to all that took time to reply.
I can relate to all comments in some way
Thanks 'finitydream' for the link & encouragement. I've been perscribed xanax too,but only take it in extreme cases due to the addictive nature
also. I have struggled with this for the last 18 years to varying degrees(post natal depression) which took me a long time to get help, as I thought I
was just down to circumstances at the time & didnt believe meds could help.Problem was I left it sooo long, thinking I just 'wasn't trying hard
enough' to get better that by the time I realised I couldn't do it, the destuctive thought patterns etc were firmly entrenched habits that have
proved impossible to eradicate so far. Throw in crappy doctors,wrong advice & generally being treated as a number in a waiting room, I'm sure this
has all contributed negatively as well.
Jewells - my heart goes out to you for I have also struggled with these same issues since I was 14 years old. Firstly, it's not my intent to be
patronizing toward anyone who was compassionate enough to respond to your post and whereas alternatively based treatments can sometimes help to
temporarily alleviate some of the symptoms of chronic depression, bipolar disorder (without psychosis) or generalized anxiety disorder, the reality is
that these illnesses are caused by a chemical deficiency in the brain and if it progresses too far without intervention (as you described above), you
can pass the point of no return and do something irrevocable to yourself because your entire thought process is distorted. There is no possible way
to describe what this feels like to someone who has not experienced it themselves and again, I mean no disrespect to other posters.
By conforming I meant that it seems everyone (dr's,aunts ,sister etc) thinks I should just 'pop my pill', whereby I wouldn't be happy but I
could function without the fuss for everyone else. I should note that when asking my kids which 'mum' they would prefer, they all picked
'un-medicated mum', hence my decision to stay away from the meds.
Again, having been there myself, I feel compelled to ask you the difficult questions. Your impression right now is that your family is being so
inconvenienced by your disfunction that they would rather have you pop a zombie pill to save themselves the inconvenience. Does that sound right to
you when said by someone else? Do you really think that their own convenience would outway their loving concern for you? Perhaps that is the case
in your family - I really don't know and am merely posing the question. Also, you say that your children would rather have a "un-medicated mum" -
why do you think that is so? Is it possible they have overheard your own worries about the meds and are saying what they think you want to hear?
Also, someone who describes their mind as being "on" 24/7 is describing symptoms of mania which, at times, can make you feel euphoric, energized,
creative, funny and the life of the party. You're probably also anxious and irritable at times but we have a tendency to forget the feelings we
don't like. Problem is that every manic episode is eventually followed by the dangerous crash which changes the distorted thinking from "positive"
to "negative" - this is the time that is most dangerous for those of us with mood disorders. Also, it's an absolute bummer when you're feeling
the good kind of mania (known as hypomania) and all of those good, creative feelings stop when you take your meds (it's the #1 reason for BPs going
off their meds and it happens all of the time) but again, what goes up will ALWAYS come down - and it can come down hard. Have you ever thought of
suicide during these dark times and if yes, do you think your kids would rather have a mum who is around regardless of whether she is fun or not?
I do hate being a 'problem' to my family & feeling like a failure for not 'getting it right' but have always held the belief that SOMEONE,
SOMEWHERE in this world will have a natural answer that can work for me & my son.
Its just finding it thats the tricky part.....
To my way of thinking, "failure" is a relative term and when biology deals you a bad hand of cards, that is NOT failure on your part because we're
not talking about getting it out of your system by having a good cry or by pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. We're talking about chemicals in
your brain that are deficient or connections in your brain that are not supplying chemicals to the correct areas - not a personal choice to be sad or
lazy. Biology has cheated you - it stinks and you have to deal with it because burying your head in the sand just doesn't work. I, too, continue to
search for natural remedies and have devoted myself to finding one before I die but the future is uncertain. I have tried everything - both pharma
made and nature made (including the rolled kind which made me extremely paranoid and panicky - don't fool yourself because it's a drug just like any
other) and for me, it still comes down to a cocktail of pharma plus daily meditation and weekly or biweekly cognitive therapy when finances are tight.
If I should ever come upon a purely natural treatment, believe me, I will broadcast it from the highest mountaintop so that we all, including our
children (my son has also inherited my disorder) can finally live in peace. In the meantime, I will do whatever is necessary to remain around for my
children. I can deal with the brain zaps, the fuzzy thinking, the dry mouth, etc. if it means that I'm sitting in the audience for my daughter's
choir concert or helping my son move into his first apartment and helping him find the support he needs to live an independent life. Again, the
alternative is just not acceptable. From my perspective, I would be a failure if I let them down and wasn't around for those times in their
Hopefully this site will ,if not giving me the answers, can point me in some directions I've not yet explored.
Best wishes & kindness to you all.x
I would be more than happy to share with you what my own current regiment consists of. If you want to chat, please feel free to U2U me. God bless
and know that you are not alone. And just for the record for some of the early posters, I do not now, nor have I ever worked in any industry related
to pharmaceuticals or healthcare. I am an unbiased survivor of a terrible mental disorder who struggles every day to make the best life I possibly
can for myself and my family. Whether the drugs made my disorder better or worse became a moot point the day my first child was born. As of today,
there are no other proven long-term treatments than those stated above. Everyone has the right to voice their anger and resentment at big firm pharma
for perceived trickery and I'm no exception to feeling that same bitterness at times, but as I said before, it is what it is for many of us. I only
ask that society has a little more compassion for those of us stuck on this circus wheel through no fault of our own. We didn't choose it and are
doing the best we can. For me, I focus on my kids and then the options just fade away and I know what I have to do. Until the day comes when the
cycle is broken, I will continue to fight for my life and help others for whom my own experiences might provide a little bit of solace. Please don't
hesitate to contact me if you wish, Jewells.