Are manners a thing of the past?

reply to post by Stop-loss!


Damn good thread SnF.
Far to much social value to manners. What about that woman out there ? The one that you would call a lady and she would both derserve and relish the compliment ? I know I love women, I think all us guys adore a lady. She could never be a lady without manners. In turn a lady, commands repect and that requires manners.

Manners can be very cool.

reply to post by itscocobaby


reply to post by LargeFries



you are both so right!

its an amazing thing to notice your own faults and not turn it into a fight.

I know exactly how you feel sometimes I get so consumed with myself and in my case my constant pain, its easy to forget others, Many need to take a step back to look at who they have become.

it seems the masses are in so much fear that they let other people rule their thoughts and emotions.

it is good practice to control your emotions we can create happiness where there is sadness, just as we create fire when it is dark and cold.

reply to post by Caji316


I agree with your statement. It seems like these reality TV series are nothing about respect and manners, and more about fighting, ignorance and spewing vulgar language. What a great role model these rude people and networks are creating for our young people. Didn't MTV start the a$$ showing sagging pants fad? The F' bomb is casually said in public, and the people who say it don't even care if there are little kids around. They need to start teaching manners in kindergarten and 1st grade.

Originally posted by WeRpeons
reply to post by Caji316

 

I agree with your statement. It seems like these reality TV series are nothing about respect and manners, and more about fighting, ignorance and spewing vulgar language. What a great role model these rude people and networks are creating for our young people. Didn't MTV start the a$$ showing sagging pants fad? The F' bomb is casually said in public, and the people who say it don't even care if there are little kids around. They need to start teaching manners in kindergarten and 1st grade.

If this is how its going down now then imagine what it will be like 20 years or so from now. Its going to get worse before it gets better.

You want to hope you never go to china then lol, pretty sure they do not even have a word in their language for manners. Unless they are brought up with a good western teacher to teach them these things its insane the stuff i hear from there.
I have a few friends from china and the stuff i hear them say, there is like no respect either, if someone doesnt dress nicely or they arent looking to good they'll straight up say stuff like 'wow you look ugly today' or 'wow you are so fat' i was shocked when i heard these things being said to each other. I told them try saying that to someone in a western country and you are likely to get smacked out lol.
But its common place there thats just how they are i've told them if they ever say that sort of crap to me i dont care if you weren't brought up with this you better learn some manners and respect.
Its crazy in this day and age there are people who just havent been taught these things, though its not just china there are other countries in the far west that are like this also, just doesnt make sense its the 21st century you'd think they'd of learnt about some of this stuff by now. Its just common decency and polite to do so, no wonder the worlds so screwed we need more manners and love haha

Depends. Are what we used to consider manners a thing of the past? Probably. But manners change over time, so we have no less manners today than in generations past, just different social rules and manners.

My Dad used to give me a clip round the ear if I came in the house with a hat on, because it was considered rude in his generation. Now a days it isn't. Not because we don't have manners, we just have different manners and social norms.

In your(OP) example I think saying 'good' is rude. But it's conditioned behavior, as you point out. You didn't mean to cause offense or be rude or purposely upset your brother.

I think intent is a lot more important. Some people don't know better, so to judge them or consider them rude would be unfair. Other times people might be away with the fairies and fall into auto-pilot mode. I've had minute long conversations with people without being aware, only to turn round like "wait, what?"

Being nice and thoughtful of your words and actions is far more important than adhering to social norms, rules or behavior. In saying that I still try to uphold accepted British manners just because I don't want older folks thinking I'm a pikey scumbag

Originally posted by WeRpeons
reply to post by Caji316

 

I agree with your statement. It seems like these reality TV series are nothing about respect and manners, and more about fighting, ignorance and spewing vulgar language. What a great role model these rude people and networks are creating for our young people. Didn't MTV start the a$$ showing sagging pants fad? The F' bomb is casually said in public, and the people who say it don't even care if there are little kids around. They need to start teaching manners in kindergarten and 1st grade.

The ass showing sagging pants fad was created by parents who couldn't afford new clothes for their children. Most people you see in poor communities wearing sagging pants are usually doing so because they're wearing big brothers clothes.

I suppose then the middle class latched onto it and started imitating the working class as they've always done. Even though they can afford proper fitting jeans.

Why wouldn't you say the f bomb in public, out of curiosity?

Excellent OP. We can never have enough reminders of when we might be lacking grace. I don't see manners as social programming. I see them as grace. When you are aware of the people around you in public or at home your manners are genuine. When you can see a loved one making dinner and realy see the effort they are putting in so that you may have a nice meal let it warm your heart, let it strengthen your bond and let yourself really appreciate it and when you speak that thank-you that warmth will fill the other person and they will feel truly appreciated. S+F SL.

in the area where i live i notice how most of the kids have no manners or respect and when ive seen them with there parents the parents are no better.
i was raised by my grandparents to be polite and to show respect ive raised both my daughters the same way and there teachers and just about anyone who meets them comment on how polite they are .manners are learned from parents so to change the younger ones the older ones need to remember there childhood and what they learned
[god i sound old im only 27 lol]

Originally posted by Stop-loss!

Originally posted by WeRpeons
reply to post by Caji316

 

If this is how its going down now then imagine what it will be like 20 years or so from now. Its going to get worse before it gets better.

Kind of scary when you think about what the world is going to be like in the future. The "me" generation has lost the basic reason of respect or consideration of others. I hate to say it, but I see it in my own kids. It's like they don't care about anyone else except themselves. I've talked to a lot of parents and they all say the same thing.

Originally posted by Kali74
Excellent OP. We can never have enough reminders of when we might be lacking grace. I don't see manners as social programming. I see them as grace. When you are aware of the people around you in public or at home your manners are genuine. When you can see a loved one making dinner and realy see the effort they are putting in so that you may have a nice meal let it warm your heart, let it strengthen your bond and let yourself really appreciate it and when you speak that thank-you that warmth will fill the other person and they will feel truly appreciated. S+F SL.

Your post is nice, but there's an accepted technical definition of manners.

manners
a. The socially correct way of acting; etiquette.
b. The prevailing customs, social conduct, and norms of a specific society, period, or group, especially as the subject of a literary work.

What you're preaching is to be a good person. Manners is eating with a fork in your left hand and a knife in your right.

Originally posted by LostMyPassword

What you're preaching is to be a good person.

I agree 100%

Being decent to people is a thing of the past.
Everyone is totally convinced of (their) (exclusive) right to whatever they damn well please.
Whoa betide the creature that causes the slightest on inconveniences.
This is seen in any retail environment.
It's also seen someplace where being an asshole can get people killed.
The road.
All one needs to do is take a drive down any highway to witness the lack of manners, morals, and otherwise respect for anything else on the road except for the moron doing 120 mph to sit at a red light and taking out a soccer mom and her minivan filled with a squadron of tikes.

reply to post by LostMyPassword


Really the sagging pants got its start in prisons. The pants that were issued would sometimes be too big for the inmates so some would just let them sag. Eventually the sagging pants in prison was a sign to other inmates that they were open for sex. Than the Hip Hop groups picked up on it and it became a fad. Great fad imitating inmates.

As for saying the F "bomb" in public, it's called being considerate of the people around you. Just because you may feel that language isn't offensive, doesn't mean people around you agree. Little kids repeat what they hear, and the last thing most parents want to hear is their 5 year old dropping the "F" bomb at them, teachers or other people around them.

A perfect example...
I was at my son's high school baseball game and a mother was yelling at her kid through the fence because he missed the ball. She was yelling pick-up the "F"n ball, throw the "F"n ball in, what the "F" are you doing? Mean while the entire stand of parents were staring at her amazed that she had no respect for her son and the people around her. One father with his young son was totally irate and walked up to her and told her if she didn't know how to conduct herself in public, we would all appreciate if she would just leave. All the parents clapped, she was completely embarrassed, apologized and sat in her car for the remainder of the game.

There's a time and place for that kind of language.

Originally posted by WeRpeons
reply to post by LostMyPassword

 

Really the sagging pants got its start in prisons. The pants that were issued would sometimes be too big for the inmates so some would just let them sag. Eventually the sagging pants in prison was a sign to other inmates that they were open for sex.

Than the Hip Hop groups picked up on it and it became a fad. Great fad imitating inmates.

As for saying the F "bomb" in public, it's called being considerate of the people around you. Just because you may feel that language isn't offensive, doesn't mean people around you agree. Little kids repeat what they hear, and the last thing most parents want to hear is their 5 year old dropping the "F" bomb at them, teachers or other people around them.

A perfect example...
I was at my son's high school baseball game and a mother was yelling at her kid through the fence because he missed the ball. She was yelling pick-up the "F"n ball, throw the "F"n ball in, what the "F" are you doing? Mean while the entire stand of parents were staring at her amazed that she had no respect for her son and the people around her. One father with his young son was totally irate and walked up to her and told her if she didn't know how to conduct herself in public, we would all appreciate if she would just leave. All the parents clapped, she was completely embarrassed, apologized and sat in her car for the remainder of the game.

There's a time and place for that kind of language.

edit on 21-4-2011 by WeRpeons because: (no reason given)

Well I know why not to swear in public, and I don't, because I recognise how it's perceived. What I'm asking is what is actually wrong with the word?

What's the difference between saying f/ck and damn or darn or blast or any other word used in the same context? There's no difference, it's fallacious circular reasoning. It's as ridiculous as my earlier example of which hands to hold your knife and fork. If someone was born at 30 the idea of certain words being socially unacceptable would be a subject of much humour!

If this lady had yelled, pick up the ball, throw the ball, what are you doing, would you have shunned her?

You might as well look down upon and be offended by people who wear blue t-shirts. It makes just as little sense.

And baggy pants did not start in prisons. That's a myth.

Manners aren't dead in the south, that's a fact. I treat everyone with respect until they have shown that they deserve otherwise. My 6 year old daughter uses her manners. It's important to be polite to others. If we didn't have that there would be more socially retarded and far more depressions. Think about if every contact you had with someone else, whom you didn't know, was negative. That would suck. Butt.

MOTF!

One thing I know for a fact is that I have manners. From the time I first meet a person I always smile and say either please and thank you. This is a part of life that was shown to me from my parents and I have always encouraged my son to do the same. When meeting a person I always shake their hand very firmly and look them in the face when doing so. The one thing I really hate is when you hold out your hand to shake another person's hand and their grasp is like a wet fish and as limp as a lettuce. I truly believe that a great deal is said about a person from the first initial meeting, so make it a good one.............

The one thing about manners is that they don't cost anything. My father always said that he never had much when growing up, but the one thing he did have was a smile, manners and a great handshake. He has never had much, he is not the most intelligent being, but he is a well liked man. We have not always seen eye to eye, but these few, easy and simple things I love him for............

Ted Bundy was also a polite person...how much of a well trained monkey someone is in public sais absolutely nothing. Oh no wait...it does. That the person's dishonest and stupid.

Buddy your not alone. It's like that every where in society. Your just one of the few people like me that cares. I catch myself all the time. I'm glad he said something to you. Because it happened to me too and now I do the same thing.kinda prodding people to wake up and be considerate. When some one does that to me I lean and and tell them your welcome.. It's fun to watch them squirm and try and recover then I tell them what I just told you. Good thread lord knows people on here could use some proper manners.

And Thank You

Originally posted by Stop-loss!
Hello everyone. Yesterday I just faced the cold harsh reality of what I have become due to what I have been exposed to from my former job and maybe even further. Last night my younger brother was replacing the hard drive to my first gen PS3 that I haven't used in years due to corrupted files. When he finished fixing it he told me about it and I just said "good". The reply I got afterwards was what made me realize just how insensitive I was. "what thats it, just good!? How about a thank you" then it dawned on me why this was the case. In my former job in the army, thanks and appreciation were rarely shown except in award ceremonies but those were always mandatory. very rarely did any of us receive a thanks or thank you after completing a task or finishing details.

My man, that wasn't bad manners on your part, that was bad manners on your brother. Who is he to tell you, just good? Does he think he knows what you went through in the Army? It seems immature to get riled up over not recieving an ingenuine "thank you," because that's all "thank you" has become these days. You hold a door open for someone and they say "thank you," but do you really think they give a damn if you hold the door open or not?

A real thank you would be for you to do a favor for him. Thank him with actions, not words. Bad manners on him because he didn't give you time to give him a REAL thank you.

The reason why thank yous and appreciations are rarely shown in the Army is because it is generally just an ingenuine gesture. Soldiers understand what other soldiers are going through, and helping each other out is the norm, not the exception, while I feel like it's the other way around in the civilian world. I may be over-generalizing here because I have much less Army experience than you, but I think there is a definite genuinity difference between the military and civilian world.

And I know that soldiers like to keep it real. Giving out ingenuine "thank yous" for every little thing in my opinion is not keeping it real.