The perpetual periphrasis of posts

One of the most perplexing points about posts on ATS is the perpetual periphrasis employed by posters. Periphrasis for those that don't know is the practice of talking around and around a subject and never reaching a pertinent point. Using threescore words where one would do, frazing sentences in a way that makes them unmemorable and perhaps even partially less possible to peruse.

Also the inclusion of completely unrelated pictures like this
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/541afafe5a6b.jpg[/atsimg]

Just remember it's like making a good hoagie.Bacon Lettuce and Tomato is a winning combo, but add a roasted pheasants leg and suddenly it's ruined. Sometimes what you leave out is just as important as what you put in!

I read your post

I read your post out load and had to clean my monitor

reply to post by davespanners


whilst rambling is annoying and often fails to deliver any relevant points, I guess it shows more of how a person's mind operates, I normally scan any long posts for a few moments to ascertain relevance on whether it could be worth reading.

reply to post by davespanners


“Hey there you young whipper snapper! Did I ever tell you the story of my first ramble? I remember my first ramble. It was back in the summer of sixty-four, or sunny-year-mas as we called summer at the time. Anyway, I was rambling about my hat to Neil Armstrong, who said he had been on the moon but I knew it was fake and they made simulated-y it inna lab or Hollywood somewhere. I was once in a lab/Hollywood. There was this family trip... Oh, anyway, back to the subject -have I ever told you about the many ways people pronounce '/' while talking? Oddly, those people who record them, as in quotes, see, always transcribe- err... write, them '/', even if they're bizzarely not similar, like / or / or / or... I knew another sentence I made that went like that, being "punctuation or punctuation or..." once. Funny how it happened. It was just like this, see...” Hello there friend. Can you spare a minute? Pointless Rambling? Oh my, don't get me started on pointless rambling. Pointless rambling is just so.... pointless.... and.... ramble-istic! I can pointlessly ramble all day. In fact, did you know that Eminem is the greatest pointless rambler ever[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]? Speaking of Eminem, I like the candy that was named after him. I wonder what would happen if he changed his name to Skittle.... hmmm. Oh, I could wonder all day about candy and rappers. Hey, candy and rappers! Candy rappers! Get it? They're like, rappers named after candy, and it's such a wonderful pun. Candy, wrappers. If you don't get it, it means like, "candy wrappers", which are those paper things that go around your candy. Now I want some candy. Who else wants some candy? Because I want some candy! Who doesn't want candy? Once I knew a guy one, he hated candy. Really, I don't know how that's possible. There's like supposed to be something in mammal phylegony (did I spell that right?) that makes it so that everybody likes candy. Except maybe him, I realised, once I met him. Or maybe he is lying. I don't know if I told you this before, but I hate liers. And people with bad spelling. They absolutely ruin the chance of an article looking falsely serious to be funny. Phylogeny's a funny word. It's like 'phylo' and 'geny' together... Filo and Genie, get it? No I guess you don't. Ooh, look, squeriils!!! Well, back to subject. What was that again? Oh yes, about pointless rambling. Yes, pointless rambling... oh, where do I start on pointless rambling? Let's see. Ah, yes, I know.... Pointless Rambling dates back to the days of the Declaration of Independence or something. Hey, wasn't that- that thing that gave America its constitution and government or whatever? Yeah. Except if you're some fancy-schmancy historian who knows about the Articles of Confedera, or something. Good I'm not one of those people. History majors give me the creeps. Anyway, pointless rambling has been known to date back to the 1300s. The 1300s were a great century. My great, great, great, great, lots o' greats, grandfather was from that time, though I guess that didn't tell you anything since I didn't specify the great's. Isn't it weird how when pronouncing your great, great, great... grandparent's great's that you suddenly stop and say grand? Well I think it's weird. Wonder how came about. Say, saying grand and great and grandparent all the time reminds me of a story my great grandparent told me: There was a squireel. It jumped. That story always freeked me out. Gee, I wonder why that spelling of squrrel was diffrent from the one above. Did I spell one of them wrong or something? I dunno. Oh look. A squreil. It jumped! AAAAGHHHHHH!!!!!11!!!! More related to the subject, did you know that the year 1337 was set in the 1300s? Yup, it's true. Anyway, let's get back on subject. Like some imporatant facts related to it. So, this guy holds the record for the longest time of non-stop pointless rambling. I know some dude that wants to break that record though; he's been practicing for weeks. I smell chicken soup. It's kind of weird, y'know, it's like, chicken and soup all in one. Sometimes I like potatoes with my soup. Yeah. Good stuff there. This wasn't rambling just so you know....this guy did alot of speed at the moment and well kids that's what speed will do...make you talk about dumb #. Today Pointless rambling is still highly present in today's society. Take George W. Bush for example. Heh, his last name is "Bush". Sometimes when I think of him, I imagine an apple tree giving an address to the nation. And that's just weird, because we all know that apple trees aren't bushes. Kind of funny when you think of it. Speaking of funny, have you ever seen Family Guy? Funny stuff there. Yuppity yuppers! It is a little funny.... Truly Eh. I just felt like putting this in here out of my boredom. I'm bored. And hungry. Bored and hungry. Maybe I should eat something fun like.... Lucky Charms! They're magically delicious, and magic is fun. It's food too, so it solves all your problems. I might find the cure for cancer through the power of Lucky Charms one day! Cancer is also a yummy form of crab. It's also a zodiac sign. But I don't have that sign, unfortunately. Do you know what else is a good sign? A stop sign. It has big white letters that allow the driver to think about how calming it is, before they go into oncoming traffic. Speaking of traffic, how many people go on Uncyclopedia a day? I would pay good money to find out. Speaking of money, have you ever seen a 5 dollar coin? Those things would be so sweet... change in my pocket. Have you ever gone swimming, and in the water there is a pocket of air in your swimsuit? Neither have I, but I have seen it. Dang, it would suck if I was blind. Then I could not look at any of these pages. How many pages does the Harry Potter books have? Bet it's at least a hundred or something. Might wanna go check someday. And you know hat else is magical besides Lucky Charms? Wizards. They're magical, and damn awesome. I mean, for any magic/unexplained thing, you can just say "A wizard did it!" or something, and it'll make sense. You know what else makes sense? I dunno. Puppies, puppies, I guess make sense. Like, I dunno. What relates to this subject? Puppies now, I guess? Well, puppies... well, don't even get STARTED with puppies. Trust me, I've been there, and it's a bad road. Horrible... horrible. Trust me. In fact, it's so horrible, I'm going to drop the subject entirely. Edit But Also sectionEdit But Also there are a lot of skills that come into pointless rambling, like the amount of RAM you have in your computer. If you keep rambling at all you might run out of mice in your house, and you will eventually have to replace them. Absence of mice in your house can lead to Mice poisoning and will kill you. But what is the meaning of life, anyway? I mean, so long as there is enough Harry Potter in the world to go around we should all be okay. Man, I need to go take a shower now, so please don't kill all your mice. WOW! There's a 'Random page' thing on the side of this webpage! Awesome! You know what, that is sooooo cool-- really cool. I think I'm going to go look at the Diablo wiki now. DAMN, that's cool! Anyway, my shower. Bye! Guess I have to get some other guy to finish this page. Meh. Please expand the above.

reply to post by chr0naut


Now that is some top class rambling sir. I take my hat off to you

reply to post by chr0naut


dude seriously, paragraphs. that's not readable at all in any shape or form. i mean what?

Originally posted by optimus primal
reply to post by chr0naut

 

dude seriously, paragraphs. that's not readable at all in any shape or form. i mean what?

Yes.

What.

Exactly.

reply to post by davespanners


He's going to have to run until he

hehe, told you it worked