Suggestions to the UK Government for fixing the economy

Just came across this. Seems quite simple and effective for solving the UK's problems.

Dear Mr. Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing England 's economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire - ten million job openings - unemployment fixed
2) They MUST buy a new British car. Ten million cars ordered - car Industry fixed
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - housing crisis fixed
4) They MUST send their kids/grandkids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed
5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week.....and there's your money back in duty/tax etc
6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading schemes that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy b*****ds to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.
It can't get any easier than that!

And if more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
If not, please disregard.
Grumpies of the World Unite


Other points you might consider:
Put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home, then the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd also receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. They’d have constant video monitoring so if assistance was needed they’d have immediate help. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be washed and ironed as needed. There would be a guard to check on them every 20 minutes and staff to bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
There would be private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens for anyone who felt the need to exercise.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls and there would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and all guards would have a code of conduct that would have to be strictly adhered to.
The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised day and night. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week; live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week without any hope of ever getting out.
Think about this (more points of contention):
******
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that, during the mad cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born almost three years ago in Appleby, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria ? And, they even tracked her calves to their individual stalls.. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each illegal immigrant a cow.
******
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians..... It creates a hostile work environment.
******
Also;
Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!

Source: highena.com...

All politicians prepared to spend our money on wars should be compelled to send at least one of their relatives to the front line.

All politicians are not allowed second, third jobs or sleeping directorships on company boards.

They loose their seat when they go back on promises made during elections.

Make the lobby system illeagal.

Every time they mew like demented sheep in the house one of them is taken to the front and shot.

Each time we are told we are all in it together they are stripped of all their wealth and made to live on a council estate on minimum wage.

When they have been shown to have messed up yet again they are publically flogged with a sock full of runny crap until they repent.