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The attack of 2011!

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posted on Apr, 16 2011 @ 01:56 AM
This is my attempt of a short story about the Alien attack of 2011! I would like to share my story about what happened on the day leading up to the attack and the day of the attack. If it wasn't for masqua( I think I spelled it right) I wouldn't be attempting to write to this story.

In April of 2011 on the coast of Florida near Pensacola everything was going as planned. Everyone was enjoying themselves on vacation and having a good time at the beach! Rob and sherry were on vacation and were heading back to the resort to get some rest for the big day ahead! They planned on going snorkeling and parasailing and surfing! Beep! Beep! Beep! As the alarm goes off at 7am sharp. Rob and sherry wake up and get ready for the day! A thunderstorm off in the distance is making a great show for the walk down to the beach. They began to put on goggles and flippers to go snorkeling! Rob asked sherry if she thought it was weird that there were no waves in the ocean! She said "no I haven't really paid attention to that rob." Rob and sherry begin snorkeling and are having a great time seeing all the colorful fish and a few sharks in the distance.

Rob begins to feel an underwater current and hearing a rumbling noise. He ask's sherry if she heard the noise and she said" yes rob, it's probably a boat or something". Rob said " I don't think so sherry, look below you". "Oh my gosh rob what is that? said sherry. I don't know babe but whatever it is its heading straight for us! Three huge ships the size of multiple football fields rise out of the water and start shooting lasers at buildings and people and cars! Rob and sherry swim as fast as they can to shore and begin to run! Dodging the lasers and rockets from the ships they finally reach the resort and run inside! Completely demolished and raging fires everywhere they decide to get in the car to try to escape. They jump into the first car they see as the three ships land in the middle of the resort! The get the car started and drive through mountains of rubble and fire trying to get out of there! The three ships landed and about 400 to 500 aliens exit the ships. The mititary arrives with am arsenal of weapons. Black hawks and cobras, tanks, AC-130's, machine gun mounted hummers and anything else that can cause destruction. There are 5 huge aliens that look somewhat like transformers. They begin to unleash hellish fires and explosions on the military. Trying to stay alive while Battling the aliens, the military begins to open fire on the aliens blowing up 2 of the 5 transformer alien machines.

Rob and sherry are watching the whole thing while driving at top speed trying to get away. Sherry turns to look at the road and screams "rob watch out, stop" look at that thing. Four more ships are blocking the road infront of the car. All of the sudden a barrage of explosions destroy the area and the bridge in front of them. rob and sherry get out of the car and start running frantically the other way. Trying to dodge lasers and rockets from the ships they find a building that is partially standing and run inside. Trying to decide what to do they begin to plan their next move when a military hummer drives by. They exit the building and jump in the hummer. Lt. Biggs introduces himself and says stay quiet and do as I say or you won't survive at all. Lt Biggs tells rob to man the turret and start shooting the ships and anything that moves. He tells sherry to keep a lookout and let rob know where any aliens are. Driving at high speed through the rubble and wreckage of buildings they finally reach the highway. Lt. Biggs is taking them to a nearby military base. They arrive at the base and Lt. Biggs leads them to an underground bomb shelter and orders them stay there with the armed guards untill further notice.

Okay so this is what I have so far. I would like to know your opinions and any advice you have. I am not finished yet and if enough people like this story I will continue writing the rest of it. If not too many people like it I'll stop writing short stories.

Hope you enjoy it.

edit on 16-4-2011 by kid_cudi because: (no reason given)

edit on 16-4-2011 by kid_cudi because: (no reason given)

posted on Apr, 16 2011 @ 06:30 AM
OK... that's much better. I did enjoy it. Some rough edges, but I can see you used your imagination.

We have a nice opening with a couple going snorkelling. This paints pictures in my mind because I've gone snorkelling too. It's always great to read about things we've most of us done because it attaches us, the readers, to what you're describing. Because of that, you had me hooked from the opening.

Then the aliens attacked. The description of it was OK, but I really don't know what the 4 or 500 aliens looked like or how they moved. If the readers had an idea about their body shapes, that part would have been more personal, as in if they resembled an octopus or an insect. But, never mind, because you can fill that in later.

Rob and Sherry already seem to have some semblance of personality and can be described in better detail later. Sometimes, in dire situations like this, one might be braver than the other who may be more about common sense. Which way do these two (I'm guessing young) people react?

Lt. Biggs seems like someone used to being in charge. I trust him already, but should I?

Not a bad start at all.

Now, be sure to add more to this story on this thread, so readers can more easily follow the tale and comment on each part as it gets written.

And always remember this golden rule of writing: You are talking to an audience and they need to be interested in what you're saying. The best way to do that is by talking about the things that interest you and that you have experienced. Nothing floats like personal experience.

posted on Apr, 22 2011 @ 08:50 AM
edit on 22-4-2011 by NowanKenubi because: (no reason given)


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