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Christians: Are you going to hell? Take the test, you may be suprised

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posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:08 PM
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One joke sums up religion pretty neatly: A guy dies, wakes up on a beautiful beach, money in his pockets, bunch of bars, beautiful women everywhere. He wanders around and comes across a huge hole in the ground...thinking nothing of it he goes into the next bar and comes across a red guy with horns. Thinking he's in hell, cause the guy surely must be Satan he goes over and asks the guy: " Are you Satan? " The guy replies: " Well...if you wish to call me that, yes " " So I'm in hell? " " Sure are..." " Well...then why isn't there fire,torture and anguish and all that around us ? " The guy replies: " Ouh...that's what the firy pit is for over there. A bunch of lunatics kept bugging me for it. "
edit on 14-4-2011 by dude69 because: (no reason given)




posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:13 PM
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ok, point time then..(I am sure many of you already know).

the focus was actually the extra credit question...the gay thing.

How this got me thinking was that in a different thread, someone mentioned how the westboro baptist church is basically a non-christian hate group.

however, if you read the actual bible, you will realize that they are actually 100% correct...if you read the bible literally, from cover to cover as intended...then indeed "god hates fags" is not some distortion, but an absolute position of the deity..it is in no uncertain terms.

however, in the same absoluteist position, God hates a bunch of stuff, from pork and shellfish, to a multitude of other aspects...

So, we have a choice then as civil people in regards to christianity (or judism, islam, etc).

We can either accept the bible fully and completely as written...hate on the gays, hate on the pork eaters, hate on unwed children, etc...

Or

We can remove the bible completely and instead, convert christianity in its entirety to a simple 3 rules, christcentric spirituality and connection (love self, love neighbor, love god).

Christs sacrifice was not...repeat, not to absolve everyone of sin...it was to stop the ceremonial sacrifices of sin by sacrificing himself (fundy education talking here)...no, you cannot become a serial killer and so long as you accept christ taking the sins, keep killing
What a disaster that is...a ultra permanent get out of jail free card.

Next time you hear a christian discussing how homosexuality is a sin, or any other old school judgement like that...ask them the first 5 questions...they have decided to judge people by old rules...therefore, they should also be judged by the old rules (and theres a buttload of em.).


Sarah Palin stands against the "homosexual agenda" yet there is video of her standing in church talking and even leading sermons...time to cast people like her down to the pit she judges others to be cast down in.

Carry on then...your all absolved of sin



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:14 PM
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edit on 14-4-2011 by Frater210 because: Bye, Thanks.



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:17 PM
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Originally posted by Frater210
So it is not your imagination; there may be multiple gods. Do you think Jesus and the Jewish People were talking about the same guy? Just curious.


To answer this part of the question......

I think the saddest part about christianity was to link it with the hebrew religion...the two deitys spoken about in old verses new are night and day...they couldn't be any more distant. Its like talking about a beautiful woman, then talking about a fat trollish man descriptionwise...however, since pop culture decided to link the two into one big book about the same dude, then it is accepted for the past 1800 years as being the same deity.

Christianity would have been a nice religion considering what was around at the time...pity the old powers of judism swooped in and corrupted/linked that up.



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:21 PM
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Originally posted by David291
No way I've just thought! Mary the virgin?! was she married when she gave birth to christ?! Or was this an exception?!


Theoretically ya, they were married..just God knocked her up first kinda thing.

Wonder why the brothers and/or sisters of christ are never mentioned...granted, it wasn't really their story, but still...

surely nobody believes she stayed untouched after Christ...she was married after all.



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:23 PM
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reply to post by SaturnFX
 


I mean, was she married at the time she gave birth to christ? Or did I read wrong?



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:23 PM
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Originally posted by TruePatriot1685


Is anyone goin to heaven



Yup...guess who was right?

www.youtube.com...



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:31 PM
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I've gotta say Saturn, I've actually used those arguments in defense of homosexuality. Not that it should need defending



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:42 PM
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Originally posted by David291
reply to post by SaturnFX
 


I mean, was she married at the time she gave birth to christ? Or did I read wrong?


Best answered in a skit:

Joseph: Mary, I am liking you
Mary: Cool...hey, I gotta go away for a few months
J: ok, see ya
M: Joe, I am back..been 3 months.
J: Sweet, relationship on
M: Oh, btw, totally got knocked up by God
J: ...wtf...
M: Ya, totally God, thats where I went..God wanted to show me something, and so, seen it..some old chick was preggers to prove he can do all sorts of stuff, then knocked me up
J: Erm...not sure if I believe you
M: Dude, whatever...just marry me so I don't get stoned, you will be convinced eventually
J: Well, alright...we will marry tomorrow, but this argument isn't over...I am highly suspicious

-married-

later, jesus is born



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:44 PM
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reply to post by SaturnFX
 


1) Explained. Also, Mary Magdalene (not his mother) was one of Jesus' favourite disciples.

2) Distinguishing of the sexes - a man should appear as a man and a woman should appear as a woman, which is "natural." Also, Corinthians is a letter from Paul to the Corinthians in reply to their questions and/or confusion, in which case he reiterates what they say a lot and rebukes some of their ways. They (Corinths) say a woman should be covered (like a veil or head scarf) in their culture, but that's only in their culture. Women don't need such things because they have a natural cover - that's what Paul says to them. I also think this chapter is referring to women trying to be more masculine by keeping their hair short so they can minister etc., in which case they don't need to do this, as explained in the above link.

3) Old Testament law, also: (John 8:1-11) But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

4) Allegorical warning (parable) like much of Jesus' sayings, don't take it so literally. Self mutilation is blasphemy because the body is a temple.

5) More Old Testament law. They applied to the Israelites (Jews) of that time only. Much of the Old Testament laws are rebuked in the New Testament (that's why it's called the New Testament). There's no mention that someone born "illegitimately" will not receive salvation. Instead, the opposite is mentioned, that anyone can receive salvation if they seek it.


Have an adequate day!
edit on 14/4/11 by AdamsMurmur because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:48 PM
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Originally posted by AdamsMurmur
4) Allegorical warning (parable) like much of Jesus' sayings, don't take it so literally. Self mutilation is blasphemy because the body is a temple.


My foreskin wishes you were around before the chop

My temple has had some remodelling done when I was a baby...



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 02:52 PM
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Originally posted by AdamsMurmur

If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her


A profound contingency he made on that law.

one minor curiousity comes to mind though...Jesus put that rule down...sinless must start the rock throwing party...fair enough

Why didn't he then stand up and whip the stone at the woman? By his law, so should he be bound to it...as he was (as I am told) a man.

Conclusion: Either Jesus was fully a man, sin and all, or Jesus was fully a god, and not some hybrid,



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 03:03 PM
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reply to post by SaturnFX
 


I see..so you can inpregnate a woman before marriage as long as u are married before giving birth even though its classed as a life before its born



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 03:04 PM
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Originally posted by SaturnFX

Originally posted by AdamsMurmur

If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her


A profound contingency he made on that law.

one minor curiousity comes to mind though...Jesus put that rule down...sinless must start the rock throwing party...fair enough

Why didn't he then stand up and whip the stone at the woman? By his law, so should he be bound to it...as he was (as I am told) a man.

Conclusion: Either Jesus was fully a man, sin and all, or Jesus was fully a god, and not some hybrid,
Did you not read the last part?

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

You have to realize he came to refute many of the old laws, including that stoning one, and others like "eye for an eye" which is revenge, etc.



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 03:09 PM
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Originally posted by AdamsMurmur

Originally posted by SaturnFX

Originally posted by AdamsMurmur

If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her


A profound contingency he made on that law.

one minor curiousity comes to mind though...Jesus put that rule down...sinless must start the rock throwing party...fair enough

Why didn't he then stand up and whip the stone at the woman? By his law, so should he be bound to it...as he was (as I am told) a man.

Conclusion: Either Jesus was fully a man, sin and all, or Jesus was fully a god, and not some hybrid,
Did you not read the last part?

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

You have to realize he came to refute many of the old laws, including that stoning one, and others like "eye for an eye" which is revenge, etc.


Yes, he was a heratic, which again I state what a shame it is that it didn't become its own religion verses tacked onto the violent and horrible hebrew religion with their small wargod.

I would still be an agnostic atheist mind you (probably), but I would set christianity as a decent religion akin to buddism verses the wargod religion of the hebrews with a shiny new PR symbol at the end.



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 03:23 PM
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um, didn't jesus have long hair?

i'm just sayin



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 03:24 PM
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Originally posted by BadBoYeed
um, didn't jesus have long hair?

i'm just sayin


actually he didn't...




posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 03:31 PM
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Originally posted by SaturnFX

That says it all, doesn't it.


I'll leave you to your cute thread now.

Cheers.



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 03:43 PM
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Originally posted by SaturnFX
Heya ATSers

As you all know, I am a total fundamentalist christian...I loves me my scripture..well, imagine my suprise when I found out that not just myself, but everyone else in my fundy group of sing song friends are hellbound with no possibility of forgivness.

as we ALL know, the bible is the word of god, it is infallable and unable to be corrupted. It is penned by God (well, men posessed by God basically) and therefore everything is literal and without question...
I am here doing a service with this test to make many of you aware that indeed you may be going to hell already, but also to warn others teetering on the edge that you may accidently yourself into hell without even knowing it (Thanks Obama!)

So, here is the test...good luck...hopefully you answer no to everything, else...well, you know...time to get some spiritual sunscreen

1) Are you a woman? If yes, then have you ever spoken in a church?
If yes, your doomed.

"Women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but should be submissive, as the law also says." (1 Corinthians 14:34)


2) Women (again), have you ever worn your hair short?
Yes...oh boy...time to go to hells salon

"Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair it is a disgrace to him, but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her as a covering." (1 Corinthians 11:13-15)



3) MenL Did you find out on your wedding night that your (former) wife was a virgin by her bleeding? and if not, did you immediately bring her to her parents house so the town could stone her to death?
If no to the stoning...sorry, your part of the problem...see you and your harlot wife in hell

"But if ... evidences of virginity are not found for the young woman, then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones..." (Deuteronomy 22:20,21)


4)Have you cut your hand off to prevent you from sinning (or eyes out if thats how you sin, etc)?
Hopefully its difficult to type for many of you due to your sacrifice of limbs to prevent your sinning..

"If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed, rather than having two hands, to go to hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched." (Mark 9:43)


5) Your parents...were they married when you were born?
Lets hope so...no married parents on your birth = total doom

"One of illegitimate birth shall not enter the congregation of the Lord." (Deuteronomy 23:2)



There ya go, a short 5 question quiz that some of you are unaware of...sorry if you are going to hell, but at least you will have lots of company

oh, and one more question...call it extra credit.

taking the first 5 questions for the absoluteist position it is on what is and isn't bad/evil/whatever, please answer the 6th question in the same tone

6) Are you gay?



(and an extra 50 points to those whom understand the actual point of this thread)




Ok either I have misunderstood you,or you are a liar, or you have split personalities,
because in the above,you say this about the scriptures>>I am a total fundamentalist christian
...I loves me my scripture.and >>we ALL know, the bible is the word of god, it is infallable and unable to be corrupted. It is penned by God (well, men posessed by God basically) and therefore everything is literal and without question...

Then in another thread you have this to say regarding the scriptures>>>>
I don't take the bible itself literally, from cover to cover...to me, its a bunch of cavemen trying to explain superstition and experiences well beyond their comprehension in intellectually dumbed down ways.


So which is it?



posted on Apr, 14 2011 @ 03:50 PM
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reply to post by infojunkie2
 


OP is playing the role of Colbert, presenting the argument as if it was his own, but showing you how completely ridiculous it is to have that standpoint.



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