An Introduction to Bear Island, and a brief summary of the Great Koala Genocide of 1951

Had the urge to write this evening, opened OpenOffice and started typing. This is just a fun little thing, enjoy, Feel free to tell me its crap. I'm a big boy, I can take it.

There is an island in the Atlantic Ocean, somewhere between the western coast of Ireland and the eastern coast of Canada, never before seen by men. Curiously, it cannot be seen from Earth's orbit and has never been photographed by any of the multitude of spy satellites currently circling the globe, powerful eyes in the sky capable of reading a license plate.

One might be inclined to think that such a place is impossible, but the thing about impossibility is that there is often, but not always, a way around it.

On this mysterious and probably magical island, there live a species of people, blissfully unaware of us, and not at all totally unlike us. While not humans, they are mammals. In fact, most humans have probably seen the distant four-legged cousins of the inhabitants of this island. Large, furry omnivores who are sometimes regarded as friendly, mostly regarded as highly intelligent but are also sometimes regarded as blood-thirsty killing machines. The people who inhabit this island, are, of course. Bears.

You might say 'Hang on a minute here, everybody knows that bears aren't people! They # in the woods!.' And you may very well be right, in all the lands we know of bears are not people. But by virtue of luck, or magic, or heck, maybe even God (but more likely aliens) the bears residing on Bear Island (that's, incidentally, what they call it.) have, perhaps over millions of bears, evolved toward bipedalism, large brains, and have developed what anthropologists have dubbed 'behavioural modernity' – they have art, culture (they have a great love of heavy metal music) and, of course, religion. Although the majority of bears these days tend toward agnosticism.

Bear Island is home to many species of bear: brown bears, black bears, panda bears, polar bears (on the island's northernmost coast, naturally. Curiously, while most bears fancy living in nice houses with white picket fences, polar bears prefer to live in igloos) and even more than a few koala bears, which we all know are not actually bears at all but they do get along with the others well enough most of the time.

While there is relatively little friction between the different species of bears, the now banned “Grizzly Grenadiers” hate-group, formed by disgruntled (and hungry) brown bears did manage to nearly exterminate Bear Island's koala population in 1951 after leading an uprising against the democratically elected King Of Bear Island, Jacob, who was a koala. Thousands of innocent koalas were killed (and eaten) by frenzied Grizzly Grenadiers in just a few short days, shocking all of Bear Island's population and even most brown bears, known for sense of superiority. Thousands of brown bears clipped their claws to show solidarity for their koala brothers.

The events of 1951 are unlikely to be forgotten on Bear Island, legislation was put in place to ensure that no such thing would happen again, and the koala population has since recovered quite nicely.

On a scale of 1 to 10- i give you 5.5. Not to shabby!

reply to post by robinthehood


Alright, 5.5 out of 10. I'll take that. Pray tell - on your scale of 10, which number gets a star/flag? 6? Sort of like an E for Effort, y'know.

Originally posted by Monger

on your scale of 10, which number gets a star/flag?

That would be a 7.5 for the star and an 8 for a flag.