Are we really so insular?. What happened to concern and empathy?.

Mods, I believe the core values Im going to discuss make this a thread that should be in the "Social Issues" forum. If not please move to the appropriate forum....thanks.

I have a friend of 5 years who is a young 79 years old who lives alone and keeps in good health for her age. Last night at 9.20pm I received a text message from her (It was sent by her at 8.25pm) stating that she wasnt feeling too good and had gone to bed. I tried calling her and left a message on both her landline and mobile asking her to let me know how she was in the morning.

By 10.15pm I had a niggling bell ringing in my head that led me to call again as I was concerned due to the fact that I knew she was always late out of bed. By 10.30 I had tried to call her a few more times, before deciding to go to her house to check all was well. I based this decision on " It wasnt like her to have to go to bed unwell and her hearing is realy good".

25 minutes later I was knocking on her door and her front bedroom window where her bedroom is. No reply led to heavy banging on both but again there was no stirring or lights going on. I also continued to call both her mobile and landline.

Her nearest neighbour lives 5 yards away ( Both are fully detatched houses), the lights were on, they must have heard me banging and I thought it best to let them know what I was doing.

A miidle aged couple answered, I introduced myself explaining the situation and my concerns. I showed them the original text message and asked if they knew where my friends domestic cleaner lived. I knew it was close to her house and that she had a key. The ladies reply floored me, she didnt know where the cleaner lived and she would call my friend herself. I explained that I had spent the last 10 minutes calling her but this was ignored.

Due to feeling I was wasting my time and being made to feel uncomfortable by the neighbours I resumed ringing the bell, hammering the door and window and calling my friends name loudly. After a few minutes I turned to see the next door couple standing on my friends path, arms folded and offering no solution other than I was going to set my friends burglar alarm off !.

It was now 11.20 and I felt it was time to get some advice or support so I told them I was going to call the police so they could gain entry. Her reply sums up this whole OP, she said " I have a key". Stiffling my anger I told her to go get it and she left to do that. 5 minutes later she returned, not with a key, but with a wireless landline handset. On the other end of the phone was my friends sister from London. By now my frustration and anger was winning, I explained the situation to the sister, who advised me just to go back home and that everything would be fine.

Not willing to do that I told her iether the neighbour goes in or I call the police to take advice and ask them to help gain entry. The neighbour refused so I called the police. They arrived , made the neighbour open the door and the end result is that my friend has flu, the doctor was called and they are taking her into hospital this morning to keep an eye on her due to her age. The police thanked me for my perciverance and the sister from London called me to apologise and thank me for my intervention.

We see so many people turning the other cheek to those who are in trouble. The woman being assaulted by the partner and the "Drunk" face down on the street who is realy in a diabetic coma. I can now understand the pressure people feel in those situations as at times my head was saying "Stuff it" just go back home. But we really have to go by our own instincts in a situation no matter the obstacles that society or other people put in your way.

Later I will go visit my friend in hospital and when she is well enough I will ask her to consider getting a remote alarm system in case should she ever be unwell in the future.

One last point..... How many of us are depending on people to support us when needed without informing them how they should react when that time comes? Im sure my friend had every faith in her neighbours and probably has had for many years. The fact is, she needed medical assistance and they were an obstacle to her getting it.
How many of us are in the same boat and we dont know it?

Respects

Individualism = Egoism

But people believe this means freedom, and so they loose every quality what made them human, to destroy at least everything on face of mother earth, driven by fear and "assholism".

So we will vanish for something far better. Human 2.0, maybe he is not as stupid, brutal and violent like this race is.

reply to post by captiva


Explanation: S&F! APPLAUSE [you seriously deserve one... mods please ]

Thank you for not taking no for an answer and for also standing up and speaking out!

Personal Disclosure: This thread makes me want to be a better person. Thank You!

I have to say I would have done the same as the neighbours.If someone turned up next door to me wanting a key to a house I would refuse for my own safety.

It is known for people to be tricked and murdered these days.I do think you behaved in a slightly aggresive way.At least the woman was able to live by entering a hostpital.

reply to post by OmegaLogos


Thank you, appreciated. This thread was a means to hopefully open our own eyes. Thankfully she is now in the right place to get the medical support she needs or will need.

Respects

reply to post by paperface


It is also known today that people lay dead for months in their own homes because they have no one who makes a stand for them.

I am sorry to say I cant understand even 1% your thinking behind your reply to my Op. Empathy is not aggression.

Respects

i take it by your anger OP that people usually tend to each other in Scotland. i was surprised to read your reaction when the neighbor did not know who it was that cleans their neighbors house. i find that bizarre really.

i live in NJ in the USA. i don't know my neighbors, they don't know me. i don't know if they have Maids, friends or anyone who comes and goes. i mind my own business.

Years ago a dear old girl lived right next door. i took care of business for Annie anytime she asked, she was never a bother. but she still maintained her space from people as well. she was independent.

one day the local Fire & Rescue vehicle and volunteers were outside. they had Annie on a stretcher going to an Ambulance. it made me very upset, seeing this. Annie was one of my favorite human beings, it was always good conversing with her. she assured me she was going to be alright before she was whisked away.

one of the Rescue guys was grilling me about my neighbor. it was obvious he was moved by finding Annie in distress in her home. a local lady friend Annie spoke with regularly had telephoned police after Annie did not answer the phone for a few days.

Rescue guy had attitude because I did not check in on my neighbor on a daily basis. If he knew Annie he would have known she was very independent and liked to be left alone. In the many years we lived next door she never had company into her home. She socialized and participated in things here and there, but she was a very private woman.

The town condemned Annie's house while she was recovering in the hospital. Annie had bought the little house as-is furnished in the early 1960's, and it turns out she had been filling it ever since. Years of picking up things at yard sales, newspapers, folded paper shopping bags, you name it. There was a path maybe 2 feet wide from one end of the house to the other. Otherwise it was hoarded objects filling every inch of the house.

when Annie found herself unable to get up one day she was in a trap she built. Annie had lots of friends in the community and she lived as she chose, maintaining her space as she saw fit. my wife & I felt bad when Annie went through this ordeal. Annie did not want us to check on her daily, neither with phone call nor tapping on the door. She preferred to call me when she was in need of a favor. Annie never gave us any pertinent phone numbers of whom to call ( aside from obvious emergency numbers ). We did not have a key to her home, nor did she have one for ours.

People can only help you as much as you let them. I'm glad things worked out well for you and yours.