Make Love Not War?

Is it wrong to want to make love not war in bed?

I was very recently in bed with a girl I really like and she very forcefully told me too bite and hit her, I didn't know what to do or say. I really like the girl but it made me feel very uncomfortable almost inadequate, I have never hit a women in my life. So I ask again, is it wrong to want to make love not war?

"Make Love, Not WarCraft"

Subject Fixed

Seriously though, war does NOT solve a thing. Makes innocent people die. Aren't we all supposed to live in Harmony?

Geez...

Maybe you should of manned up a bit and hit her like she wanted. If she wants it, why would it be wrong?

Son, I am disappoint.

Originally posted by PoorFool
Son, I am disappoint.

reply to post by switchblade


She might like s&m and wants to get the endorphins flowing? Biting- hard enough to break skin or just enough to leave a mark? Hitting- like a spank or was she saying to deck her face? Still she should have had a talk with you about it beforehand instead of just demanding it during the moment.
A suggestion if she's just wanting to delve into s&m, have her write a smut story/fantasy you can work out together. That way you know the boundaries beforehand and if it's too much for you, you can discuss and make modifications before acting it out.

Originally posted by Somehumanbeing
Maybe you should of manned up a bit and hit her like she wanted. If she wants it, why would it be wrong?

Maybe you are right Some, I don't know that is why I am asking mate.

reply to post by switchblade


to each their own, and some people are indeed aroused by the intensity and physical stimulation brought on by pain. or perhaps she is working through some deeper issues in a psycho-sexual way. or perhaps she is role playing a fantasy of hers.

either way, you have to ask yourself: is this something i am into... or not. is this something i even want to be into?

i would say that, i would want the first time i am with a new partner to be romantic.... save the kinky stuff for down the road when a mutual trust has been established.


good luck.

You should have given her what she wanted.

If you had a problem, tell her afterwords.

Nothings worse than ruining it during =o

reply to post by Somehumanbeing


hitting a woman, whether she asks for it or not, is not my definition of "manning up"

Originally posted by Anttyk47

You should have given her what she wanted.

If you had a problem, tell her afterwords.

Nothings worse than ruining it during =o

I did try my best to give her what she asked for, just didn't want to hurt her. When I like a girl hitting them isn't the first thing that comes to mine though.

reply to post by switchblade


Biting and hitting are far more mild than war.

But I understand your reluctance to cause pain to another.

I think the big problem is, I really like the girl and am a little worried that this is the only way she knows how to express herself in bed. Could it be just a phase?

reply to post by switchblade


if you're not down with it, don't do it. if she needs a man like that, then she doesn't need you! Peace and love, brother, forget all the rest of that crap. I've dipped my toes in the pool of sexual deviancy and all it got me was feeling empty and used. regular old boring sex for me, please!

Originally posted by RicoMarston
reply to post by switchblade

 

if you're not down with it, don't do it. if she needs a man like that, then she doesn't need you! Peace and love, brother, forget all the rest of that crap. I've dipped my toes in the pool of sexual deviancy and all it got me was feeling empty and used. regular old boring sex for me, please!

Correcto here! In a sexual relationship, the feelings should be mutual! What you want is as important as what she wants. If you do things to her you don't want to do, of course you feel used, because you are being used. You are the wrong guy for her and visa versa.

She needs to be asking for help on this forum, not you.

A few other people said it and I agree if it makes you uncomfortable then do not do it. I dated a girl once and it was about a month before we had sex. And when we did it was all yelling, and hit me, choke me, spit on me call me a _____ . Needless to say I was so caught in the moment that I did all of these things, only to sneak out in the middle of the night never to talk to her again and not even look at myself in the mirror for about a week.

I was raised in a house with five women absent of basically any male figure for about the first 15 years of my life and knowing that just pure lust made me go against all I was taught and how I was raised totally disgusted me.

On the other hand if that is what the girl wants I'm just going to make an assumption that she has some underlying issues to deal with. And before everyone says ................ remember this is just a simple assumption based on the people I know (male and female) that like the rough stuff.

Stay away bro, and if you do not advance with extreme caution.

reply to post by switchblade


She's obviously into stuff you're not into... If she's really rough, and you're not, may not be the gal for you... I personally couldn't do that either....

Originally posted by switchblade
Is it wrong to want to make love not war in bed?

I was very recently in bed with a girl I really like and she very forcefully told me too bite and hit her, I didn't know what to do or say. I really like the girl but it made me feel very uncomfortable almost inadequate, I have never hit a women in my life. So I ask again, is it wrong to want to make love not war?

All's fair in love and war....
Having said that. I learned a long time ago that if it's requested why not give it a try. [You just never know]


Variety is the spice of life and lends some validity to the old Caveman scenario dragging his victim [possibly by her request] to his cave.

While I think this maybe funny to some, I would caution some one ever hitting anyone. Unless you really know them very very well and even then they can claim domestic violence.

Most of you from ATS that know me, know that I was in law enforcement for a number of years and have seen and heard it all.

Semper will get my six on this one for sure.

I can't tell you now many people we processed for domestic violence and stories that are similar to this one, only later the relationship went south and the person getting hit claimed A&B.

While I am not sure where the OP is from, I know in the USA if you strike a person, be they a woman or a man and they decide to change their story, then you have a domestic violence charge on your record forever, high misdemeanor, or maybe even a felony, if the prosecutor is having a bad day.

So with that I think he made a good choice not to, remember follow that little voice inside you, because it will not steer you wrong.

I dated a gal one time who was into that whole biting thing. We dated for about a month or so, and every time we would start getting into it should would start making sort of like vampire fang type faces (best description I can think of) and she would want me to bite her on the neck and on the ear and even on her nipples and so forth.

Now Im not talking about little nibbles....that I can dig. A LITTLE pain is sort of freaky but can be fun I guess.

She wanted me to bite her hard, as in to almost draw blood.

Every time I would try it should would tell me "harder" and I was terrified I would hurt her. The whole thing was effin wierd to me. Thankfully Im not into the whole pain and sadism bit and do not require that to get off in any way.

She was a really sweet person, very fun and kind and mild mannered....she was a junior professor at a local college and well educated.

In any case the biting thing killed it for me every time...and after about a month or so I made up some excuse and put an end to the ordeal gently.

What the hell is so erotic about biting? Geez.

Definitely make love and not war