Car Pool Etiquette? Opinions wanted...

Hi folks,

So my friends and I have run into an issue and I am hoping to get varied opinions on the matter to help us sort things out.

Here is the situation:

A group of six friends are arranging a road trip for this weekend. Being that nobody has a car that seats over 5 people, we are borrowing a mini van that seats 7. The agreement is obviously that we split the cost of gas 6 ways. One member of the group whom I will refer to as "person A" has decided that since there is an empty seat, he/she is going to fill it with one of his/her children. I am taking my girlfriend on the trip. When it was mentioned in conversation that I would be paying 2/7 of the total gas bill, person A balked and stated that I would be liable for 1/3 as his/her child doe not have a job and therefore is not paying a gas share.

What's the etiquette here? I feel that if I was filling that spot with one of my kids, I'd pay their gas share. I'd personally rather have an extra seat, along with the extra room that comes with it, than be cramped and still pay the same amount. Looking at it from person A's point of view, the seat is going to be empty otherwise so why not just fill it?

Another factor to consider. Person A's kid has had a history of being quite annoying. He insults person A in front of everyone, swears, and generally disrespects all adults. This trip is going to involve an extended weekend without a break for sleep so this has the potential to turn what is usually an annoyig and disrespectful kid into something far worse. This fact is likely influencing my opinion as well. The idea of giving a free seat to someone who very likely will make everyone miserable for the duration of the trip doesn't sound like a great idea to me.

Opinions?

i agree with you 100%, yes you are liable for 2/7 of the gas as you are brining your gf. and he/she (the one bringing the kid) should also pay for her gas along with "HIS/HER CHILD!!". plus you stated the child has behavior issues is another factor.. imo i wouldnt even allow the child to come.. find a babysitter or grandparents or something

I say that you (and the others) demand that she also pay 2/7 of the gas or else she is uninvited and the remaining 5 can split the cost. Actually, if the kid is truly annoying, then tell her she can't bring the kid at all. The only risk you have here is paying 2/5 instead of 2/6 of the gas, oh another risk is losing a friend.

Good luck with this one, it's a sticky situation.



P.S., What is the trip for? Is it even child appropriate? You mention it being a weekend with little sleep; that doesn't sound like a trip for children.

Yep the kid shouldn't even come.

There should be no arguement in that fact if the kid is the way u say he/she is.

Do your other friends agree with her/him coming?

Originally posted by Borag the Horse
Yep the kid shouldn't even come.

There should be no arguement in that fact if the kid is the way u say he/she is.

Do your other friends agree with her/him coming?

It's split along party lines so to speak, LOL.

Person A and Person A's significant other want the free ride. Three others (including me) are on my side. The remaining person is staying neutral.

Well if u want it as a democracy the votes count on this matter.

Also it is not immoral to refuse a trouble child to join. Otherwise who would really enjoy the trip?

Originally posted by BlueTriangle
Three others (including me) are on my side. The remaining person is staying neutral.

Take two cars and forget the van. You, your girlfriend and the three like-minded ones. Leave the others to their own resources.

reply to post by mydarkpassenger


Yes, now you'll save enough money on not using the rented van that you can afford more gas money, and still have leg-room on the trip.

They cannot fault you for taking your own car instead. just meet them at the destination (until the kid begins to annoy; then you can drift away).

Don't go on the trip. I can't imagine being stuck in a full van with an obnoxious kid. Bail. Get a cold or something.

1) was it originally planned as an adult only trip?

2) was it agreed ahead of time that each seat is a share of the gas?

Does McDonald's care if the kid has a job when you stop for lunch? No. Someone has to pay.

Take two cars and forget the van. You, your girlfriend and the three like-minded ones. Leave the others to their own resources.

Rather than argue, this would seem to be the best solution.

Thanks for all the advice folks. I'll take it with me into a discussion with the like-minded people and we'll make a decision.

reply to post by BlueTriangle


disrespectful child? maybe this would be a good time for the adults to have a discussion with the child on how to behave. the parent sounds like a jerk and it seems obvious that the apple fell right next to the tree.

but the child's gas share should not be calculated due to minimal weight, but the seating space should be itemized. noone enjoys a cramped trip filled with hitting every single rest area, a million "are we there yets", or not being able to listen to Raw Dog on sirius.

is there other children involved on trip or destination? lone wolf children trips are hard on kids too.

if your party feels up to the task of helping straighten the kid out thumbs up to you. If you would rather not deal with the stress or if it would ruin the vibe kid NO GO.

Keep in mind that this isn't a young kid, he's 13 years old, 6 foot tall, and roughly 200 pds. He's bigger than several of the adults. We have tried, many times, to straighten him out. He has gotten a bit better over time but I still think a multi-day trip without a stop for sleep.

To answer the question regarding purpose of the trip. We are all geocachers. We are carpooling to the Spring Fling event in Wheeling, WV. We tend to turn trips like this into log geocaching weekends. In this case, we're looking at leaving saturday morning, caching our way down to Wheeling. Then caching all night/morning until the event. Finally caching our way home after the event. This is why I have the fear that I do. This kid is grumpy and disrespectful when he's not physically and mentally tired. How is he going to be after 24 hours with no sleep?