Canada screws up invasion of America

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posted on Jul, 17 2002 @ 04:33 PM
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satire.com

OVEREAGER, CANADA SENDS SMOKESCREEN OVER
U.S. BEFORE CANADIAN INVASION PLANS FINISHED

Canada Also Discloses It Has Invaded U.S. 113 Times, But No One Has Noticed

Ottawa (SatireWire.com) Embarrassed Canadian generals today conceded an overzealous officer defied orders and started fires in Quebec to shroud the eastern seaboard in smoke before Canada had finished preparing its full-scale invasion of the United States.

As a result, the classic war maneuver of blinding the enemy in advance of an attack the smoke now blankets American skies as far south as Washington, D.C. was wasted, said Canada's Defence Chief, Lt. Gen. Ray Henault.

"We were supposed to line up on the border, then start the fires," said a clearly disheartened Henault. "It's not like we can do it again. They'll know it's us. I had a cute little house in the Poconos all picked out, too."

However, several members of Canada's Parliament were furious, and demanded to know why, despite decades of secret planning, the invasion forces were not ready. In response, Deputy Prime Minister John Manley explained that the Canadian military was waiting for approval.

"Whenever we engage in a military operation, and certainly one of this magnitude, we look to our U.S. allies for guidance," said Manley.

"But... but we were going to invade the U.S.," said Toronto MP Tony Ianno.

"Oh, ah," said Manley.

With the botched invasion now public, Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrtien scrambled to diffuse anger in Washington. Fortunately, his explanation to President Bush has so far succeeded in deflecting American ire. "He told me the smoke wasn't from Quebec," said Bush. "He said it was from al Quebec. Damn, those guys are everywhere."

Despite the lack of surprise, many Canadians have urged the military to push on, arguing that if they can't take the U.S. by force, they can at least sneak into Detroit and take back the Stanley Cup. Gen. Henault, however, urged restraint, noting that Canada has only 70,000 people in its armed forces, while the U.S. has 2 million. That revelation raised eyebrows among several MPs.


"So, if we are short by about 1.9 million soldiers, how, exactly, were we going to pull this invasion off?" asked Ontario MP John Godfrey. "Were we just going to use smoke?"

"And mirrors," said Henault. "Lots and lots of mirrors."

"Well, like I said, the plan wasn't finished," he added.

Meanwhile, Stan Keyes, MP for Hamilton West, suggested Canadians use the ash cover to hide from Washington until relations return to normal. Godrey, however, argued such an effort was unnecessary. "We're in Canada," he said. "Most Americans can't find us now."




posted on Jul, 17 2002 @ 06:59 PM
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That was funny Net Chicken



posted on Jul, 17 2002 @ 07:13 PM
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You've never considered the fact that I'M Canadian!!! Damn you!


Oh well, all things considered, at least I don't live in a land of flatulent sheep!!


Just kidding



posted on Jul, 17 2002 @ 07:23 PM
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I saw that film with John Candy.
Canadian Bacon i think it was. !



posted on Jul, 17 2002 @ 07:30 PM
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Northern Alliance Seize Control of Asian Continent. We Couldnt Help Ourselves, Says Alliance Leader.

After driving out the Taliban from most of Afghanistan, Northern Alliance guerrillas continued to conquer the entire Asian continent including India, China and Russia. The unexpected push by the emboldened rebels sent shock waves throughout the world as the United Nations scrambled to convene an emergency session of its security council to figure how to insert themselves into the situation in a manner that makes them feel relevant.
Responding to strong condemnation by President Bush, Prime Minister Blair and the co-princes of Andorra that the anti-Taliban forces had grossly exceeded their mission, a Northern Alliance foreign representative claimed his troops had gotten carried away. Our soldiers sat for years in the mountains of Afghanistan unable to make headway, but once we got started we couldnt help ourselves. Frankly were as surprised as anyone that we ended up on the coast of North Korea before we stopped to catch our breath, said the representative who goes by the single name Lawrence.



posted on Jul, 17 2002 @ 07:31 PM
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Pentagon Airdrops Happy Meals
In Afghanistan. Refugees Believe It
Is Act Of War

U.S. Air Force C-17 transport planes air dropped over 37,000 Happy Meals, including a Big Mac, fries and medium size coke, over Afghan refugee camps. The food, donated by McDonalds, came in individually wrapped styrofoam boxes with a smiley face on the outside. Though intended as humanitarian aid for needy civilians, shocked refugees took this to be a hostile act. They expect us to eat this crap? I may be starving but Im not that desperate, said a refugee who fled with his family from Kabul. An Afghan teenager clutching a soggy, cold hamburger asked in disbelief, didnt the president say the United States was not at war with the people of our country? Concerned about the Taliban's air defenses, the C-17's flew much higher than is typical for an airdrop. This unfortunately caused some of the shipment to catch heavy winds and drift far from their intended targets. Several Happy Meals were reported to have landed in the south of France where they were burned in protest by farmers there who are still angry that the American fast food chain doesnt use local produce in their country.



posted on Jul, 18 2002 @ 04:57 PM
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In the terms and conditions post......

You will not post any material that is knowingly false, misleading, or inaccurate.


WOOOP!!!WOOPP!! YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!!!!!!!!!



posted on Jul, 19 2002 @ 02:00 AM
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Ugh, wheres the Idiot Police when you need them?



posted on Jul, 19 2002 @ 11:01 AM
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ouch nice one KANO... haha



posted on Jul, 19 2002 @ 07:42 PM
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Wait a minute. If I tell you a lie, and you know it is a lie, and I know that you know it is a lie, and you know that I know that you know that I know that you don't believe it and you know that I had no intentions of it being believed, would the Kiwi's still have no chance at breaking their habit of gang-raping sheep?

(Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, N-C, hate me because I'm an idiot!)



posted on Jul, 19 2002 @ 09:31 PM
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... well I thought it was totally true .... I am just posting what was written ....



posted on Jul, 23 2002 @ 05:26 PM
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i thought it was true too *whimper whimper* YOU MAKE ME BELIEVE ONE TOO MANY THINGS NETCHICKEN THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER



posted on Jul, 29 2002 @ 05:22 PM
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From what i have heard canada is way too clean.

It needs to be bombed.



posted on Jul, 31 2002 @ 12:20 PM
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Quebec Invasion Plan.

First step : Overruning the rest of Canada, in maximum 3 months, and force them to learn & speak french.

Second step : Overruning the USA, in maximum 6 months, and force them to learn & speak french ( 1 week after Canadians surrounder ).

Third & last step : Overruning the rest of the whole world, in maximum 1 year, and force them to learn & speak french.

In 2 years guys, you'll speak french, all of you.



posted on Aug, 29 2002 @ 11:00 AM
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all of you!!!! EVERYONE!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!
i see you intercepted the plan i sent to the gov't of quebec



posted on Aug, 31 2002 @ 06:33 PM
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I saw the South-Park movie. Canada and USA were in war.

I liked the scene where Bill Gates was dead shot by a US General.



posted on Sep, 1 2002 @ 06:52 PM
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dont we all want that

then i will take his pl;ace and spend the $$$ on flying saucers and hover tanks



posted on Sep, 2 2002 @ 10:15 AM
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Originally posted by necro99
dont we all want that


What ? A war between the USA & Canada, or killing Bill Gates ?



" Wanted dead or alive " ( Dead is better )

Bill Gates Mugshot

www.mugshots.org...
mugshots.org




Bill Gates, Chairman and CEO of Microsoft, and the richest man in the world at over $50 Billion net worth, arrested in New Mexico 1977.


ha ha ha, that's to funny. I have to do a special topic.

[Edited on 2-9-2002 by ultra_phoenix]





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