posted on Mar, 9 2011 @ 12:50 AM
I have had my own experience, partially by proxy into the swinger lifestyle. I will not say that it NEVER works, or that it is always bad. I will say
however that the chances of it working for YOU hypothetically or not is very slim. When it works it is because you won a cosmic lottery of sorts. 1st
you absolutely must have the perfect partner that is not only open minded, and selfless but trustworthy beyond reproach. You really must be the same,
and the only test is to be in the middle of it, and test your mettle. 2nd the other pair must be of the same calibre. The chances of all this
happening, and all 4 people finding each other, and working out the details is enough to run the improbability drive on the starship Heart of Gold. If
you have successfully done it, and not ruined your relationship, congratulations. If you are thinking about trying it out: stick to lottery tickets
where all you can loose is money, or retain a family law attorney beforehand. Your realtionship might be perfect, but you can't control the other
relationship, and it has the potential to contaminate yours on multiple levels.
My wife's 1st marriage was an open marriage. Much at the pleading of her ex-husband, who really only wanted an excuse to eventually engage in wanton
infidelity. They were members of a group. She really thought these people were great friends, and even supposedly ejected him from the group for his
lack of character. She agreed from her feminine need to fit in and be part of a group, "connected." She thought she was gaining a solid cadre of
close friends. He thought he was gaining a harem. They were both wrong. He destroyed 2 relationships. His own, and the other woman's, just like any
other low life cheater.
My wife didn't discover until about 2 years later that her great friends weren't all that great after all. We went to a wedding of a couple within
the group, and as soon as they found out my wife (no real interest in me mind you, lol) would not be joining the "intimate festivities" later that
night they were pretty well off, and done with her. The rest of the wedding was a nightmare for her with people with whom she thought she was close
finding reasons to excuse themselves to go chat up someone that would "put out" later on. She was disgusted, offended, and emotionally destroyed for
weeks afterward. The realisation that she was mostly just a "party favor" in their eyes when she had thought there was a true connection, and real
friendship. It was devastating to her self esteem.
She had only recently felt as though she could trust me with the admission that her former marriage had been open, and wanted me to meet these people
so I would know, and also to reinforce to herself that it wasn't just about sex, only to have the point painfully, and viciously driven home that it
was indeed all just about sex. She felt used, deceived, and dirty.
I have no problem with the open lifestyle in theory, but in practise it's benefits do not outweigh the risks. Flaws in human nature are profoundly
magnified by exposure to the raw instincts, and emotions involved with love, spousal relations, and sex. If you're relationship survives the
pressure, and stress you might have a diamond, but the greatest probability is that it will crack, and you'll have nothing, but a divorce to look
Of that group today only 1 couple is still married, and that is the founding couple of their little group. Imagine that. The story is repeated, and
only the names change. No matter what the disclaimer says past performance IS indicative of future results. Your friend is NOT special, and is putting
his marriage in the flames. He might end up with something great on a long shot, but most likely it will end like 99.5% of the rest, in divorce, and
heart ache. I sincerely hope they have no children together as that would totally skew the risk vs. benefit ratio to the point of insanity for even
thinking about it. Your sex life is inconsequential compared to the safety, and happiness of your children.