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some more humour

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arc

posted on Mar, 22 2003 @ 06:07 PM
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(not mine and all of it stolen from elsewhere)

Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived in Iraq?

They're all men! How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men to find Saddam's stash? We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes to finding things. For crying' out loud! Men can't find the dirty clothes hamper. Men can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard and splatters on the floor - and these are the people we have sent into Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass destruction?

I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in. Mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of dope. Mothers can find gin bottles that dads have stashed in the attic beneath the rafters. They can sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor away. They can tell when the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed and notice when a quarter inch slice has been shaved off a chocolate cake. A mother can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away. By examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids than Sherlock Holmes. And if a mother wants an answer to question, she can read an offender's eyes quicker than a homicide detective. So, considering the value a mother could bring to an inspection team, why are we sending a bunch of old men who will rely on electronic equipment to scout out hidden threats?

My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand, grab Saddam by the ear, give it a good twist and snap, "Young man, do you have any weapons of mass destruction?" And God help him if he tried to lie to her. She'd march him down the street to some secret bunker and shove his nose into a nuclear bomb and say, "Uh, huh, and what do you call this, mister?" Whap! Thump! Whap! Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes across his bare bottom with that soup spoon, then march him home in front of the whole of Baghdad. He'd not only come clean and apologize for lying about it but he'd cut every lawn in Baghdad for free for the whole damn summer.

Inspectors my ass - You want the job done? Call my mother!



arc

posted on Mar, 22 2003 @ 06:08 PM
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In an effort to avert war, Bush travels to Baghdad to negotiate with Saddam.
As George sits down he notices that Saddam's chair has three red buttons on one arm. After a few minutes of talking Saddam pushes one of the buttons and a boxing glove pops out of a compartment in the desk and punches George on the nose, Saddam laughs loudly and George continues trying to negotiate.

After another couple of minutes Saddam pushes a second button and a boot swings out and kicks George on the shin, he grimaces and Saddam laughs even louder.

Finally Saddam pushes the third button and a boot kicks George in the balls, Saddam laughs hysterically and George has had enough.

'Ok that's it, Iím going home. We will continue these talks in two weeks time in Washington.'

Two weeks later Saddam arrives to talk to George, he notices three red buttons on George's chair arm and expects to be repaid for his treatment of the US President.

After a few minutes George pushes a button and Saddam leaps out of his chair but nothing happens and George giggles.

After a minute or two George pushes the second button and once again Saddam throws himself out of the chair but again nothing happens and Bush giggles even louder.

Finally, George pushes the third button and once again Saddam expects to be hit by something and leaps from the chair but nothing happens.

Saddam is fuming as Bush rolls around the floor giggling like a maniac.

'I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Baghdad.'

Bush wipes the tears from his eyes and says through his giggles. 'What Baghdad?'



posted on Mar, 22 2003 @ 06:10 PM
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Thats really funny arc!
I can relate, sounds like my mother!



 
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