If I build it, will they come?

I'm sitting here late in the evening, WISHING that I could be looking forward to more than my shut-in existence. I am not -physically- disabled (so far) even though I'm not young anymore. I just closed out my Facebook account. Why were my 'friends' responding to other friends' stuff, and never mine?
BUT: IF all of a sudden, I was paid attention and given invites, by the kind of people I wannabee toward, I'd have to pass. I sort of almost got that close.......before I closed out my socialsite. I did not want to learn that this one certain individual would (most likely not) get back with me, as (probably bs'd anyway.)

I'm not ready.

A horrendous life and emotional piehole stuffing caught up with me. Let me just put it that way.

But right now, I feel comfortable and safe. I also feel like I don't exist, and am even dead already.

THEORY: If I were to snap into action, and reverse a lot of neglect, so that, I felt really good about myself, would that attract------ all the things I wish I was ready for, but am (presently) not? I guess maybe it's like in the movie Field Of Dreams, "If you build it, they will come."

My Question for all of you: Did you build it and then they came? (The "it" means a lot of things. It can mean your physical appearance, your 'recovery', your achieved financial status, etc etc etc, and then the "they" could be the people situations or things you fantasy come into your life.)

I used to try and --make-- the they come, but it always ended in disaster. I wasn't ready for they, though. In hindsight.

What if I build it, and then they don't come? I do know that, as long as I keep living the way I am, I will never have to find out. No joy, but.........no disapointment.

reply to post by simone50m


You shouldn't be concerned with what you will be getting on the outside once you change how you feel on the inside. The point is to change how you feel on the inside so that happiness, joy, love and acceptance reside within you regardless of who or what is around you. When you truly do focus on that and attain it, most likely they will come. But when that happens, your perception of what you need or want might be totally different. And you will have the choice to take only what you're ready for.

reply to post by simone50m


i do know one thing for sure....

If you tear it down,, they will go away....

I really like kalamatas' answer.
I have an old VHS called "Buckaroo Bonzai and his Adventures Across the 8th Dimension" (Yes, it's as strange as it's title.) That is the source of the famous line "No matter where you go, there you are." You can go anywhere, win anything, earn anything, and it's still you inside. That's where people have to develop.

I would rather be with a person who was loving, supportive, spiritual, etc. who didn't meet society's standard of beauty, than a beautiful, greedy, hateful, aloof, etc. person. I know that over the years the outside changes, it is the inside I treasure.

Sure, improve yourself however you can, but I suspect you want to be around people who value you, not your appearance.

Omg, I --barely-- remember that Buckaroo Banzai across the 8th Dimension! How long ago was that?

By-the-way, I love----darrman's avatar that is SO excruciatingly Cuuuuuuute!

Very good advice here. You all bring up perspectives that have not occurred to me. I'm glad I made this thread. I don't feel so depressed now. I hadn't felt severely depressed in a very long time, but tonight, it really hit me hard.

I can't speak for most, but like other posters have said, it's what on the inside that's important.

I gave up the herd mentality (at least I think I did) because I was very dissatisfied with how the interactions with others were transpiring. I didn't feel like there was a deeper connection with most of my friends and associates. Relationships with others always ended up in tragedy (me setting myself up for falls everytime). To put it short, I was depressed, without being able to put a finger on being depressed. Humanity had me down, in a way, and I couldn't really find a positive out of the whole thing.

I tried different things to get me out of my funk. Never took anti-depressants or any pills or medications. Just lots of me time. Lots of time reflecting on who I was, who I had become, who I wanted to be.

Long story short, I feel fantastic these days. My friend pool dried up to a select few that I can really trust and confide with about any issue I might have, and return the favor without question. Focusing on being happy with myself, regardless of how others might judge me has brought me release from an invisible set of chains that definitely were holding me back. I may come off at times as a bit eccentric, and get labeled as "one of those conspiracy theorists" but at the same time, I do get asked for help on all sorts of subjects because of my abstract thinking abilities.

So in my opinion, "they" really do come. And in the movie, "they", were never bad people either. Same result in real life in my observations. The "fake" people are quickly exposed, and realize I don't have anything to offer to them to help their insecurities. The truly beautiful people shine with a renewed brilliance and it is awe-inspiring. Good luck with your journeys. You have my full support in building "it"!!

reply to post by saabster5


Thank you very very much for that. What a good person you are. A movie with a happy ending as well, sounds like. I am feeling much much better today.

I moved from the city back to the home state 5 years ago. My pop is 86 now and my lifestyle was getting a little too fast paced--mucho alcohol but I'm sober 5 years now. So moving to the mountains and spending time with him really worked out on both counts.

In the mean time my 22 yr old niece became disabled with a crippling disease so I ended up staying small town to take care of her at home as long as possible before hospitalization becomes unavoidable.

I'm fortunate to have a career for the past 15 yrs that exposes me to a wide range of folk, so I'm always able to generate a social life when I feel the need. I can't really make the kind of living from it that I'm used to in a small town atmosphere, though I am able to do projects that interest me and help out the community at the same time (video production boutique.)

The thing is that at the same time it became necessary for me to be "shut in" more as a caregiver, I also found the personal inclination to slow my social life down.

What I've found out, however, is that if I stay holed-up too long, I almost don't know how to act when I do go to socialize with my friends or to do a project. My personality becomes more "muted" and I don't have as much to talk about it seems. I'm cool with it most of the time, but eventually I have to get out so it doesn't turn too gloomy.

It's not the first time in my life that I've went thru "hermit" periods though and one thing that I found in the past is that yes: If I got out of myself and built it they did come. I've reinvented myself so many times that I have faith in the concept.

I've found that perusing the newspaper can often suggest events or a speaker somewhere that interested me and some opportunities to do some volunteer work that worked out in the past too.

If at first you don't succeed…you know the rest.

Peace my friend.