posted on Mar, 5 2011 @ 10:49 PM
I'm sitting here late in the evening, WISHING that I could be looking forward to more than my shut-in existence. I am not -physically- disabled (so
far) even though I'm not young anymore. I just closed out my Facebook account. Why were my 'friends' responding to other friends' stuff, and
BUT: IF all of a sudden, I was paid attention and given invites, by the kind of people I wannabee toward, I'd have to pass. I sort of almost got
that close.......before I closed out my socialsite. I did not want to learn that this one certain individual would (most likely not) get back with
me, as (probably bs'd anyway.)
I'm not ready.
A horrendous life and emotional piehole stuffing caught up with me. Let me just put it that way.
But right now, I feel comfortable and safe. I also feel like I don't exist, and am even dead already.
THEORY: If I were to snap into action, and reverse a lot of neglect, so that, I felt really good about myself, would that attract------ all the
things I wish I was ready for, but am (presently) not? I guess maybe it's like in the movie Field Of Dreams, "If you build it, they will come."
My Question for all of you: Did you build it and then they came? (The "it" means a lot of things. It can mean your physical appearance, your
'recovery', your achieved financial status, etc etc etc, and then the "they" could be the people situations or things you fantasy come into your
I used to try and --make-- the they come, but it always ended in disaster. I wasn't ready for they, though. In hindsight.
What if I build it, and then they don't come? I do know that, as long as I keep living the way I am, I will never have to find out. No joy,