posted on Mar, 4 2011 @ 09:36 PM
I may be my Grandfather! Seriously, I don't look like him but I seem to have some similarities about him.
My Grandfather, my father's Dad, was married to my Grandmother's cousin and they had 3-4 children, I do not know them. My Grandmother was married
to someone else and had 4 children, I do not know them either. Sometime in the 1930's my Grandmother lost her husband, and then shortly afterward
her cousin died, leaving herself single with children and my Grandfather single with children. They married and formed a new family of cousins, then
my father was born between them.
My father was not born out of Love but rather convenience. I often refer to him as the incubus child as he was a spoiled brat who took everything and
constantly lied. He was a bully and he was a tyrant throughout his life.
When my father was 16-years-old my Grandfather died, this was on November 15, 1953; the time of death was around 1 p.m. I suspect my father never
forgave him for this and resented him for all the turmoil in his life; his half-brothers and sisters which were also his cousins. I spoke to his
oldest sister once via AOL messenger and I emailed her quite often over the course of several years; we became friends and she was the oldest child of
my Grandfather, her name was Muriel and she was in her 70's when I finally got to correspond with her. I found her online by accident as I was
searching names. She died about 10 years ago.
At any rate, I was born on November 15, 1963 at exactly 12:59 p.m. I never knew about my Grandfather as my own father refused to talk about his
family. I only was able to get tidbits from Muriel as I meandered through a semi-history of my father's life.
Muriel told me that my Grandfather was a craftsman, and that he could build just about anything he put his mind to, she said he was a severe alcoholic
and that is why he died penniless; she said that he spent his entire life building things and giving them away. She said there is an electric train
set in a Museum somewhere in Boston, MA that has his name on it, something he built and then gave away; how it got into a museum and if it is true is
another story. My father has no abilities at all when it comes to working with his hands.
Me, well, I have never been schooled in construction but I can build a house. I worked as a machinist and a metal fabricator. I sculpt and I have a
unique ability in seeing things that do not exist, if I can see something in my mind then I can build it just as I see it. It is very interesting to
see me work as I rarely use blueprints or schematics. I am just a natural.
As for the alcohol part, I get very ill when I drink, I cannot cope at all with alcohol. As for the "giving away" part, I have given everything I
have ever owned away. I make things and give them away. I cannot seem to overcome the feeling that I must give things away. I will most definitely
As for my Father, we clashed from the moment I was born; he was a tyrant like I said but he was also an abuser and he tortured me my entire life. I
have tried so hard to reach him and help him over the years but finally I realized that I cannot. I refuse to talk to him and to see him now and
finally for the first time in my life I feel "right"; as a result my immediate family will not talk to me and I feel fabulous about it. I am not at
all like my other four siblings in any fashion, at all, and I look like my father's twin.
I believe that I came back to fix things with him, but it didn't quite work out that way. My father could never look me in the eyes and tell me the
truth, he only ridiculed me and hit me as often as he could; he hurt me pretty severely several times as I was a child and then finally when I turned
14-years-old I left my family for good. I returned from time to time but I could never have the relationship my other siblings had; I always felt it
was because I reminded my father of himself and that he was bitter and resentful of the life he had. Now I see it differently, there is something
about me that angers that man and he cannot cope in my presence. In the past he has even refused to sit in my home during times when he was with my
mother when she came by for something or other. I finally asked her not to bring him anymore.
I guess I failed him, but I feel better about it now that I know I never have to see my family ever again. It has been a little over three years now
since I have been contacted by anyone and his last words to my answering machine was that I was "no son of his". He is a cruel bastard! I always
thought I could talk to my siblings but every time I try to reach out to them they cut me off and push me away; this is partly why I have gone so long
between contacts. My last "blow-out" was because a cousin came to visit my parents and when I found out I finally demanded to know why they did not
include me; I have always wanted to know my family and the missed opportunity hit me so hard I sort of told them off, that is when my father finally
cut me out of their life completely.
I know this does not prove I am the reincarnation of his Father, but I feel that we had something important to overcome and I tried so hard to be
Loved by him that I gave and gave until I could give no more. I am very thankful I never had children of my own, I would have hated to see him
torture them as well.
He is the incubus and he was born without Love. I do not like him as a person and he would be best suited in Hell! Sad to say this but this is where
liars and thieves, child abusers and tyrants should go. In the end I will know the truth, but in the meantime I am satisfied that I tried to make it
work. I always felt that his messed up life was my fault, but I know that is silly and now I am finally discovering who I am after nearly 50 years of
giving myself away to him and to others. I really do feel better than I have ever felt now that I am finally orphaned.
Muriel told me that before my Grandfather died he had gone off and remarried another woman and when he was dying of alcohol poisoning my Grandmother
took him back, so perhaps this is where all my fathers anger comes from. She said there are other children but I never found out who they are.
I find reincarnation an interesting subject. I was told once by a psychic that I have no destiny; she said it was an odd thing to meet someone that
did not have to be here, but that I chose to be here for some reason and that my being here was on my terms. I don't know if that is true but there
is nothing in this world that I could not teach myself and there is nothing in this world I want, except to give, which I do constantly.
I know it is subjective, and most times I forget about it but I am pretty sure I am my Grandfather. His name was Franklin. What an odd name. I have
since changed my own name legally as I do not want to carry his last name any longer. I would prefer to be my own person from this day forward!