I need someone who understands!

reply to post by prolific


its quite epic! i would have to say 10x better than an orgasm.

That is an awesome series of life experience, you are very lucky. IMHO, few people in ever find such a level of oneness. My guess is that there is a small handful of students in every graduating high school class that actually have a burning spark guiding them toward a singular interest. I only know one person of that ilk; she always wanted to be a secretary and thats what she did all her career.

What you wrote was so intense I couldn't help but think of mental illness & drug use. People that have mind expansion forced upon them by nature (mental illness) or choice (drug use) stand a much greater chance of experiencing the heights you've experienced. Do not take that as an insult, it is an observation. I have traveled the galaxy from time to time, but in my lifetime was extreme prolonged drug & alcohol abuse and mental illness that went undiagnosed until late in life.

I would love to see you write more about these experiences and get it published. It takes guts to share the way you did, IMHO the core of being a good author. You write with words that have the smack of life on them, and the truthyness comes through. Best of luck to you mate.

Originally posted by LargeFries
That is an awesome series of life experience, you are very lucky. IMHO, few people in ever find such a level of oneness. My guess is that there is a small handful of students in every graduating high school class that actually have a burning spark guiding them toward a singular interest. I only know one person of that ilk; she always wanted to be a secretary and thats what she did all her career.

What you wrote was so intense I couldn't help but think of mental illness & drug use. People that have mind expansion forced upon them by nature (mental illness) or choice (drug use) stand a much greater chance of experiencing the heights you've experienced. Do not take that as an insult, it is an observation. I have traveled the galaxy from time to time, but in my lifetime was extreme prolonged drug & alcohol abuse and mental illness that went undiagnosed until late in life.

I would love to see you write more about these experiences and get it published. It takes guts to share the way you did, IMHO the core of being a good author. You write with words that have the smack of life on them, and the truthyness comes through. Best of luck to you mate.

not insulted at all, to tell you the truth, i started seeing a shrink for the past two weeks and have told her EVERYTHING about this and she wants me to go get checked for schizophrenia lol and i have never been addicted to any drug, i did try coc aine over the summer and smoked weed, but it was my senior yr summer

Is it possible that you are skitso... yeah prolly... but hey dont feel bad its possible that I am too... lol

even still it doesnt change the fact that I still look at the stars and think "Home" is the middle star of orions belt...

My grandpa was an actual sufferer of the mental disorder schizophrenia... he could not help it... my grandpa passed several years ago... (non schizo related)
I have a friend who suffers from it as well... Both of them behave very similar... they don't act like you do... at least according to you post...i would say your derranged...or eccentric... but not skitso... and don't be insulted I am crazier than a jumping jack rabbit on speed.... but the good kind of crazy i suppose... is there a good kind?

but seriously what your going through is seen as nuts by most people... I see it as everyday stuff for me... its my normal...

Plus i get ideas for stuff... like space ships and stuff... one of my inventions i made in my head... NASA built it in Australia... at least CNN said they did...

anyone ever heard of putting living flesh on a spaceship? like actual flesh? I got the idea for it and a week later i read a news article on how NASA is "seeing into doing it"

...second thought I might be crazy... this post sounds the rantings of a madman...

btw... i skimmed "Marked" for your Jack character... I couldnt find him

Dear OP,

You are not mad, and should recognise it accordingly.

What you had gone through was something a few of humanity throughout civilisation had gone through - the complexity of the Universe vs Me. Philosophers had attempted to put their words to give it meaning, Theology in many forms and culture had sought to attribute it to a higher power, Mystic has sought to use meditation- only personal journeys to get answers from it, Artists depicts it, Singers praise it, Scientist attempts to unravel it, etc...a fact of life..but the answers are still out there.

What are the stars and the Universe telling me? We often ask when we look upon them, in the darkness of night, or within the subconsciousness of our dreams. We attempt to still our hearts so that we may hear its voice, but nothing seem to come forth.

The truth is...the answer had been staring at us all the time.

When you look at a lamborghini, what does that car speaks to you? When you stare at a beautiful , kind and virtous lady, what does that lady speaks to you in silence? When you stare at a warm lited house from the cold snowing streets, what does that warmth speaks to you?

Our destiny lays in the stars, and your longing is to reach it, just like everyone else. Your interests and field of study are attempts to bridge the distance. But as each night gathers, you let yourself believe that you are no where nearer than where you were when you first started, and thus your disillusion, not with the stars, but yourself for your limitations.

I can go into the religious aspects of it, for some do find comfort in it on our quests to the stars, but for the few whom are yet to be initiated, it would only be decried down. Thus, an objective peice, may be of no help to you, but only a direction for the fulfillment of the answers you seek.

Just take heart that you are not alone in your quest. For all your self beliefs of failures, we mankind are closer than before, as each day our social mechanics and scientific evolutions made daily are only propelling us nearer than our cave ancestors who had dreams such as yours. And you are part of that progression with your interests. Don't give up. One step at a time.

Cheers.

reply to post by zptramel


I really like this thread so far. Nobody has come along and tried to accused the OP of being insane, or drug dependency. I encourage you to delve further into your study of the stars, and I ask you to communicate with that conscience. Ask why it is you feel this bond so powerfully.

I also suggest to you (OP) that you find an activity that brings you a similar euphoric pleasure, be it sport,cleaning etc. The biggest danger I find with these sorts of connections is losing your human connection. It is not by chance that you are here on Earth.

I also have been in love with the stars for a long time. I could stare and stare , and ORION for some reason I also always notice. In fact I got so carried away with thinking about orion, and looking at a wolf rayet star, that I forgot who I was replying to hehe

reply to post by EvolEric


i start in the second book

Originally posted by zptramel
It all started in early 9th-10th gr summer. I was with my family at a museum and was in the space area, by myself, when I stumbled upon a picture of the Orion Nebula. When I looked into this picture I began to cry, I kept thinking in my head “I had no idea, I had no idea that there is such beauty beyond the stars!” (Before that day, I was like the stereo typical popular kid that thought the world revolved around me and nothing else mattered.) I stared at that picture for 30 minutes, trying to fully comprehend its unfathomable beauty. Once we got back home, I got on the computer and looked up pictures of Nebulas and Galaxies. For months I did only this and by the time I was done I could almost name every Nebula, I knew every type of Galaxy, from Quasars to Black Holes, Red Dwarfs to VV Cephei, it was ridiculous about how obsessed I became with the Universe. So after researching all of this, I decided to put my knowledge to the test… I decided to stare at the stars. That night of stargazing was the first time in my life that I felt something within me. I started to weep because I knew about the beauty beyond the stars; the emotions I felt that night were so… not human (it felt almost like I became one with the Universe). So after that night I changed, I no longer found being popular the biggest deal of my life. I also lost interest in acting because I only wanted to do it for greedy reasons.
By December of 10th gr I had been having these connections with the Universe, what I called, “One on One with the Universe” every weekend and at least twice weekdays (which was weird to my friends because I always wanted to party and play). So by this time, I had realized that I wanted to become an astronomy teacher because I wanted at least one person in the world to be able to feel the Universe the way I felt it. (I’m gonna call “One on One with the Universe” “101”)
All through my 10th gr year and after, I was never depressed, I would escape into the beauty of the Universe (and I had MANY reasons to be depressed, but we won’t get into those things because it’s off topic

). Finally, after much perseverance, I managed to get into the University of Oklahoma. I remember being so excited because I was finally on the route to being a teacher! Not only was that good news, but my 10th gr teacher, who loves me like a son and wrote these vampire books that became multimillion $ sellers overnight, decided to pay for my college, apartment, and gives me money for play. I felt so happy! (like the Universe was lookin out for me)
By the summer of 12th gr- freshman year, I still did my “101” and every time I would get the same deep euphoric feeling as when I started (sometimes they were more intense other times barely a tear, but all in all the same feeling). But once I got into University life I couldn’t do it as much because of homework (I still did it weekly). This is where it goes crazy, it was early November and I decided to go out and have a “101”. I knew something was different about this night because I was already starting to feel it before I even got to the normal place I did my “101’s”. So that night I felt the connection again, except this time the climax never stopped, I just kept getting higher and higher into this feeling of oneness, my heart started to beat really fast, I was weeping hysterically, I was on all fours throwing up, but it just kept on to the point that I literally though I was never gonna get out of this state. I started to envision the Whole Universe, it was like staring at pictures of the Hubble Deep Field except you’re in them…alone, I then began to rock back and forth holding my head saying “I can’t take this, I don’t understand” over and over. I was in this state for three hours, but it felt like a life age of the Universe, that when it finally stopped I was in a state of shock for two days. I don’t know why it happened, but what I do know is that I tried to comprehend something to Horrifyingly Beautiful that it has opened my eyes to a larger Cosmic Reality that has shaken me. I no longer have the drive to succeed in society because of what I felt that night, I feel more cut off from people than I ever have, and now all I want to do is stare at the complexities of the Universe until I decay into it. (has anyone else felt what I’m saying?)

It sounds like your experience was quite externally physical ... I understand precisely the intensity of your experience because it happened to me in a more internal capasity in January 1995 ... changed my life (for the better) and just like you it was the Orion Constellation ... but specifically the Nebula when I gazed it for the very first time when I moved to North Yorkshire (very low light pollution).

That event was just the 'trigger' for everything that has followed.

If you want to read about the 'knowing' that came from my experience(s) click the following link ... compare ... enjoy the journey it is (as someone else pointed out) ... better than sex


www.theatlanteananalysis.webeden.co.uk...


This event set the ball rolling for some of the most intense brain-rushes imaginable (and in my case at least) without the help of drugs and alcohol ... that's how I know it's real and not assisted hallucination.

Woody

Each and everyone of us humans are given gifts at birth, be him the president of the most powerful nation on Earth or a humble roadsweeper, to touch lives in our uniques ways. No one has the same gifts and experiences, and thus the beauty of diversity on our Planet Earth.

With the gift of life comes free will, and with it, to bring beauty or ugliness to our world.

You are touched to bring beauty to this world, to share it with others. Do not give up on this gift. I know not your inclinations in the spiritual fields, but am compelled to post. All I can say is that when our mission on Earth is over, when our DNA bodies expires, yours and my consciousness will return back to our origins, to return back to the stars.

Meanwhile, in this life, we still have a role to play, and must not isolate ourselves, but to reach out to others, and help them achieve their potential including ours in this bodily form, without hurt and harm, by living our lives meaningfully. And stop taking those pills. You never really needed them, if you could so coherently expressed yourself on this opening thread..

Chill out, with a glass of wine, the next time in your quiet time alone under the stars, and let these melodies touch base with your longings.

Cheers!

Originally posted by SeekerofTruth101

All I can say is that when our mission on Earth is over, when our DNA bodies expires, yours and my consciousness will return back to our origins, to return back to the stars.

Chill out, with a glass of wine, the next time in your quiet time alone under the stars, and let these melodies touch base with your longings.

Cheers!

Exactly how I feel about life/death (imo, death is only for the ego that makes us feel individual).

and the wine thing... is one of my favorite things to do when I am with friends

Its pure innocence, something that many humans find painful to comprehend, as it reminds them of thier lost childhood.

Well....add me as another who understands. I know EXACTLY what you mean about others not understanding how intense you feel about it....it's like they just don't GET it. Like you, I had an interest as a child. I mostly keep my thoughts to myself, because most people just could care less about it....but I think HOW COULD THEY NOT BE INTERESTED??? The fact that we are all on a sphere hanging in a vast sea of darkness, is awesome. Then think of the sheer SIZE of things! We are microscopic compared to some of the objects in space....really! Think of Jupiter or the Sun....it's hard to even IMAGINE the size of them alone, when in reality, they are small compared to some things in the universe. There a stars millions of times bigger than the Sun! Even bigger than that probably.... For me, I get emotional thinking about how badly I want to know what's out there and understand, but it's impossible to REALLY comprehend....it's just so VAST. When I look at the stars I think about how TRIVIAL we are......all the stupid things we do, the jealousy, greed, hate, war....you name it...is so PETTY! There is something much greater than we are....and we have lost that connection. I have experienced what you felt (not throwing up though)....I get a warm feeling in my chest as if I can barely contain my feelings. I equate it to the feeling you have when you have a crush on someone, and they ask you out That fluttery warm feeling of elation and sheer joy and awe. Some sort of connection, and a yearning to know what it all means, and what could be beyond what we know. We know a lot, yet we have barely scratched the surface. We are all part of the universe, and it is part of us. It's from the universe we came to be....

zptramel,
I would write more, but SeekerOfTruth101 and woodwytch have already said what I was going to say. So I'll just say this: You are not insane. When the rest of the world is ignorant, and you are aware, most people will call you crazy! Very few people are in touch with themselves, very few people understand that their bodies, minds, and souls are all made up of the same stuff as the stars - we are all conscious love emitters and receivers. Please don't stop your 101s. It's hard to talk to friends about things like this. Most people don't get it and don't care to try.

The next time you have a really intense experience, maybe you could try to pose a question to the universe and see if you get an answer. Hint - the universe is you, you are the universe, who is answering your question? It's you!

Wonderful thread OP. I understand your draw to look up. I didn`t have the same experience as you but I am a gazer. My beliefs help to comfort my soul, do the day to day trivial living things till I expire and rejoin the Universe.

Rhain

I hadn't thought about this part of mylife for awhile, I thought I would share to show how disconnected some people are. I actually got bullied for awhile by both teachers/students for my belief that we came from the substance of the stars.
I went to an anglican private school, grade 8. I was not religious, nor was my family, but I moved to that school for a better education. During religious education the Father offered me the floor to talk about my views. I discussed with passion, urgency etc. , that all we have on earth, all matter, comes from the same source.

We are the remnants of stars.

Of course all I said was turned against me and manipulated, and general consensus was that I was trying to say we are made of shiny little lights in some new age theory.

Let us gaze.

reply to post by moonpie86


im sorry to here that. those ppl are rediculous, let them have fun w their talking snakes and crazy "lord of the universe"

Originally posted by zptramel

Originally posted by LargeFries
That is an awesome series of life experience, you are very lucky. IMHO, few people in ever find such a level of oneness. My guess is that there is a small handful of students in every graduating high school class that actually have a burning spark guiding them toward a singular interest. I only know one person of that ilk; she always wanted to be a secretary and thats what she did all her career.

What you wrote was so intense I couldn't help but think of mental illness & drug use. People that have mind expansion forced upon them by nature (mental illness) or choice (drug use) stand a much greater chance of experiencing the heights you've experienced. Do not take that as an insult, it is an observation. I have traveled the galaxy from time to time, but in my lifetime was extreme prolonged drug & alcohol abuse and mental illness that went undiagnosed until late in life.

I would love to see you write more about these experiences and get it published. It takes guts to share the way you did, IMHO the core of being a good author. You write with words that have the smack of life on them, and the truthyness comes through. Best of luck to you mate.

not insulted at all, to tell you the truth, i started seeing a shrink for the past two weeks and have told her EVERYTHING about this and she wants me to go get checked for schizophrenia lol and i have never been addicted to any drug, i did try coc aine over the summer and smoked weed, but it was my senior yr summer

i've been putting the pieces back together with the help of doctors, medication and determination for the past 10 years. doing really well, put a lot of demons behind me. learned the years of substance abuse was "self-medicating" in an attempt to cope with a grocery list of problems. insomnia made it even worse so i'd pass out drunk to get sleep. it was crazy.
been in mental health wards in hospitals, mental health care centers, inpatient, outpatient, group therapy. medication out the ying-yang. takes them a while to find which medications works for every patient, we are all different.
please, if you are not comfortable with your Doctor, give another a try. can't really expect to find someone you are comfortable with immediately, but you seem to share well, so that is to your advantage.
best of luck to you

reply to post by zptramel


I understand completely. There is nothing wrong with you, you have had a realization, an awakening, it happens. Spiritual seekers are looking for the experience you had, rejoice. Jesus and Buddha saw what you saw, it is all one. Alone and all one.
Psychotherapy may hinder the liberation. They reinforce that you are separate from life or god, when you have already seen that this is not true.
Firstly, there is an awakening, where it is seen for sure that it is all one. The realization is stunning, shocking and intriguing. So much so that we want to understand it. The wanting to understand is of the mind, and it is the mind that removes us from our natural state of oneness. The mind ceases in presence (where the space is felt), this scares the mind/ego for it will be it's demise, so be assured your mind will fight to be heard. Your mind is saying there must be something wrong (shrink), yet if you check right now, is there anything wrong with right now unless you think about it? Problem is in this normal 'sane' world, thinking is king and master. The oneness, presence, intelligence energy can not be found, no matter how hard the mind searches. The act of searching prevents finding, abide as the self. Do not be afraid of the silence, the deep stillness. You need not do anything, it is all being done.
There are so many who can guide you, who understand because they too know what you know: Check out on you tube;
Adyashanti www.youtube.com...
Mooji
Peter Brown
Jac O'Keefe
Benjamin Smythe
Tony Parsons.
If you would like more names, some will resonate more than others, let me know, or ask me a question.

I know what you mean, about the beauty of the universe, and about not caring if you succeed in society. I find the beauty of the universe, can be translated to the beauty of a woman and man joining together to create life. And just the beauty of a woman`s body alone, if you know how to appreciate it Properly, can be compared to galaxies and nebulas and planets with it`s curves... Look at how the breast connects to the body and look at the other areas of her body and imagine two galaxies dancing and the kinds of curves that might appear as a string of stars, planets and asteroids is pulled in response to a larger galaxy stretching a smaller one out, as is happening with our own as it joins the milky way. Like a breast joined to a body. Feminine beauty and Universe beauty are Both very much based in curviness if you ask me, but maybe that`s just my taste hehe... Anyway, "success" has many definitions. Maybe you should try to find you know, "the one". A soulmate, or a lover of sorts. Maybe that will hewlp you find success. Just worry a bout love and everything else will fall into place. But I warn you, you will have to stop blubbering on and on about the universe for a minute (or longer) if you want to invite someone else into your life, so you will have to decide if its worth it. You could alsop become a writer. That doesn`t require too much participation in society. But I would urge you to either find love, or focus on it if you already have. You`ll understand that`s what this whole universe thing is all about. If you`re discouraged at 1st, its because you have not found the "right" one or ones. The one who will always make you feel comfortable, won`t make you feel awkward about your feelings, and will make you want to know them just as well as you know the universe. It could take another 5 to 10 years before you find this person or to get with them if you already do know them, but its ok, every bit of preperation and yes experience will be useful. Relationships are challenging at times in numbers of ways... My apology if you didn`t find this helpful. Good luck


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

The universe probably wants and needs to be understood, not as a thing, but as a process, as a cause. I would imagine that there's a sympathetic, harmonious connecting principal. Personally I like to think of the stars, not unlike neurons in God's brain, interconnected in some sort of infinite intelligence which might very well be self aware, having had plenty of time to do so, but at the same time, the frame is that of inclusion and sharing, so it would only make sense that the universe LOVES being examined by a holographically imbedded part of itself, namely, you. Thus it's a quest which carries with it a certain degree of mutuality, not some subjective scientists examining a mere "thing" as if it's dead, inanimate matter.

That's what I think you've got yourself connected with, not unlike a relationship between husband and wife, do you ever feel that way, as if you've gone and married - the universe!?