The Quest for El Dorado

Three friends travel deep into the rainforests of South America excitedly chasing the legend of El Dorado (The Lost City of Gold). As the group meanders down the Amazon River in a canoe their excitement quickly turns to fear as they get the feeling they are being watched from the safety of the thick jungle. As the minutes pass, they become increasingly panicked as they hear twigs snap in the brush and see shadows move out of the corners of their eyes.

They rounded a bend in the river and suddenly found themselves face to face with a large group of indigenous cannibals in canoes. Their canoes were adorned with human skulls on the bow and from what they could tell the canoes were made out of tightly stretched human skin, and intricately stitched with human hair. The cannibals made quick work of capturing the group of friends. They were then lead back to the cannibal’s camp as the haunting images of their captor’s canoes play over and over in their heads.

The captured friends approached the cannibal's camp and they immediately came into view of a huge roaring fire set around an enormous cooking pot. The three were restrained and set in a position to watch the cannibals prepare the water in the pot. As they sat restrained watching the fire burn, the chief of the cannibals approached the men.

He said in a thunderous voice, “You have trespassed on our land and must now pay the price. You will suffer the most painful death you could imagine. We will slowly cook you over the fire and while your skin slowly separates from your muscle you will never have felt such pain! Then as you scream for us to end your life, we will take you out of the pot and begin to eat you alive. We will then put you back in the pot and roast your flesh to the perfect doneness, stretch it, and turn you into a canoe. Now, as a sign of hospitality before your death, I will give each of you one final request.”

The first friend asked for his pistol. He was cut loose and given his pistol with one bullet while being held at spear point. He said goodbye to his friends and shot himself in the head so he would not have to go through the pain and suffering the chief had described.

The second friend requested his pistol and the chief said. “Oh, no. I’m not falling for that one again!” The man said, “Fine” and requested his hunting knife. He said goodbye to his remaining friend and plunged the knife into his heart so he would not have to suffer.

The last friend in tears at this point, asked for his pistol. The chief said, “No!” The man then asked for his hunting knife. The chief said, “No!” Then much to the chief's amusement the man asked for a fork. The chief said, "You are going to BE dinner, not a guest for dinner, but; as you wish" The man took the fork and began laughing wildly as he stabbed himself all over his body and screamed "YOU’RE NOT MAKING A BOAT OUTTA ME!!!"

reply to post by SlyingFaucers


Haha good one!