Famous World Ideologies - Explained!

have a read n tell me what you think:
Famous World Ideologies, as explained by references to Cows:

* Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
* Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.
* Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
* Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
* Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
* Real World Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most “ability” and who has the most “need”. Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

* Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
* Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the “free” market.
* Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
* Militarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
* Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
* Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
* Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
* British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
* Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
* Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
* Pure Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
* Capitalism: You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.
* Enviromentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
* Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently – aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
* Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

reply to post by thePharaoh


I love it I love it.

A very good easy to understand description of various ideologies/political systems.

Star and Flag for you!

Wonderful... Don't forget Industrialization: You are the Cow!

Add one more:

* American capitalism - Monsanto files a patent on the cow and all its progeny. You now pay them for the privilege of ownership.

Of course to make this a true statement just replace "cow" with "pig".

fascism and surrealism are the funniest

Originally posted by Blackmarketeer
Add one more:

* American capitalism - Monsanto files a patent on the cow and all its progeny. You now pay them for the privilege of ownership.

Of course to make this a true statement just replace "cow" with "pig".

hahahahaaaaa

reply to post by thePharaoh


This is terrific!

Thanks for the laughs. Very tough day...I needed it.

Haha very clever! You forgot one that worships the cow!

reply to post by thePharaoh


Pure Socialism would be Anarchistic so no government required.

Socialism, two cows are shared equally by the people, all are fed.

Capitalism, one person owns the two cows, eats what they want and sells the rest to those who can afford it at their inflated prices caused by the artificial scarcity of cows, the rest go hungry. Those who go hungry become anti-social and start to commit crimes. The capitalist wants more cows, so they coerce the hungry, with promise of food, to go invade the next town in order to claim land they need to grow more cows. Those in the next town fight back and are labeled terrorists. Some of those that were fed from the two cows are not happy about the war, so the capitalist kills one of his cows and blames it on the next town, satisfying the people that the war is necessary for their safety.

reply to post by thePharaoh


You forgot one, it's called no government and it's the best kind of government. You have two cows and no one is around to take them or tell you what to do with them. Yay!

Originally posted by freedish
reply to post by thePharaoh

 

You forgot one, it's called no government and it's the best kind of government. You have two cows and no one is around to take them or tell you what to do with them. Yay!

But you have a dilemma. Who is going to stop other people, who need food, from taking those cows?

Without government to protect 'property rights' how can you claim two cows for yourself?

If people are starving would you share those cows, keep them for yourself even though it's more cow than you personally need, or would you sell the access at a profit to those who can afford it? If it's later how would you protect your cows from the starving who need them?

Other than the first choice, which would be the anarchist/socialist preference, the other two would be authoritarian and put you in the position of power, and you would end up having to form a State government system in order to protect your cows.

Corporatism: You worship the cow until you're too weary to bow . . . and then it eats you.

reply to post by ANOK


You make a very simple idea a complicated one. How would I protect my cows from starving people you ask?
Well let me ask you, why are there starving people to begin with an why are they near me, and how did they find me?

I would get some land far away from civilization...and chances are by the time they found my property they'd already be dead by starvation anyways. And yes, I would share some if they asked.

reply to post by freedish


Well it is complicated, and I was making a point about society as a whole not your personal fantasy.

You can have your fantasy house in the middle of nowhere with as many cows as you want whether there is government or not, many people do. That wasn't the point.

scientism - you have two cows. With careful and responsible IVF, GMO and other scientific tools you get enough happy healthy cows so everyone can drink nutritious milk.
borgism - you have two programmed cows, you are also programmed to manage the cows, your body gets what it needs.
matrixism - it looks like milk, smells like milk, tastes like milk but there is no milk.
barbarianism - you have the last two cows from unsustainable slaughter practices. The rest of the world wants it, starts a big war and blows everything up.

Daoism: There are two cows, and they eat the grass. Somtimes you pass by the cows, sometimes you drink the milk, and sometimes not. If a cow is about to die, you eat it.


Notice, there is no implied ownership of the cows, they just are.

reply to post by ANOK

Socialism, two cows are shared equally by the people, all are fed.

Nope history shows you are wrong.

Socialism: two cows are shared equally by the people. No one is willing to get off their butts to care for the cows. Young unmarried men ask why they have to work to support another man's wife and children. Theft of milk is the norm. - Source: Diaries of governor of the Plymouth colony, William Bradford, 1620-1622

Capitalism, one person owns the two cows, eats what they want and sells the rest to those who can afford it at their inflated prices caused by the artificial scarcity of cows, the rest go hungry. Those who go hungry become anti-social and start to commit crimes. The capitalist wants more cows, so they coerce the hungry, with promise of food, to go invade the next town in order to claim land they need to grow more cows. Those in the next town fight back and are labeled terrorists. Some of those that were fed from the two cows are not happy about the war, so the capitalist kills one of his cows
and blames it on the next town, satisfying the people that the war is necessary for their safety.

Capitalism: one person owns the two cows, he sells one and buy a bull. Soon he has a herd and hires several people to tend the herd. The people invest their earnings in land and a cow and a bull creating more jobs for more people until greedy bankers and politicians short circuit the system with fraudulent fiat money and blame the resulting poverty on "capitalism"

one more

Pharaoh = you have all the cows in the world, for your needs...you are protected by the gods.

Originally posted by crimvelvet

Nope history shows you are wrong.

Socialism: two cows are shared equally by the people. No one is willing to get off their butts to care for the cows. Young unmarried men ask why they have to work to support another man's wife and children. Theft of milk is the norm. - Source: Diaries of governor of the Plymouth colony, William Bradford, 1620-1622

Hmmm I disagree, how has history proved this?

Capitalism: one person owns the two cows, he sells one and buy a bull. Soon he has a herd and hires several people to tend the herd. The people invest their earnings in land and a cow and a bull creating more jobs for more people until greedy bankers and politicians short circuit the system with fraudulent fiat money and blame the resulting poverty on "capitalism"

Hmmmm who does he sell his cow to? You mean he exploits people to tend the herd. What happens to those who are not hired to tend cows? How much do the 'workers' get paid? What stops the cow owner from paying the workers next to nothing because they have no choice but to work for the owner, or starve? The owner becomes much wealthier than the workers, and sets up a government State system to control and protect his wealth.

OK here's libertarian socialism...

The workers all equally own the cows, they sell one and buy a bull. Soon they have a heard and more people join the coop to tend the herd. The people invest their earnings in land, a cow, and a bull, creating more jobs for more people. They ALL benefit from the process and no bankers or politicians are needed. No authority (owner) to create a State government system in order to protect their capital from those without. No one is exploited.