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I have a very hard time socially and in HS. Any advice?

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posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:14 PM
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I've been bullied and have been an outcast my entire life. I struggle with social norms with what to do and what not to do. I've gotten a lot better, but still mess up a lot. Whether it's saying the wrong think, doing the wrong thing, hanging around too long, etc.

If I do something socially awkward and the person seems offended/weirded out, it makes me feel terrible because oftentimes, I lose a possible friendship, and quite frankly, I could use all the friends I can get. I'm usually pretty confident, but then I have times like this where I did something socially awkward with good intentions (I went up to someone I know during her lacrosse game when she was on the bench to give her a high five, and she snapped and got mad at me for coming over.) and I feel terrible. And I just feel sort of invisible sometimes, like I don't matter.

Another part of this is that I feel I'm not good enough sometimes. It hurts to meet an awesome girl with a great personality only to find out she has a bf. There are all different of groups and personalities. I'm sort of eccentric and unique and am unlike anyone else. But if I would fit into a group, it would be "creepy". What this really comes down to is that, like anybody else, I just want to love and be loved. I really care about people and it just hurts when I'm treated like a stalker in return, makes me really doubt myself, you know? Sometimes i see them upset and want to go up and give them a hug and tell them it'll be okay, but it's against the social norms and not "acceptable". Sometimes i still do anyway and just end up getting hurt and/or offending them. Any advice? I really hope it'll get better after HS.

I struggle to make friends because often times, i say the wrong thing at one time or another, or weird them out and then they distance themselves from me. I'm a Senior btw and i have found one group of Freshmen that i played a sport with, who are very nice and accepting. As the year has gone on, I've pretty much become friends with them and become a member of their group. They're huge jokesters and love to just joke around, so i guess they might be immature in that regard. But for the most part, they're very nice. I don't so much hang out with them outside of school, but they're a group to hang around during/before/& after school. But it bothers me to know I'll be graduating in a few short months, and not have that group in the future.

Please don't say to focus on my grades. People don't seem to understand how important a social life is to me. Don't get me wrong, i still go through the motions of "learning" (if you can call it that) in school, keep my grades up, but it feels empty and doesn't make me happy. What makes me happy is the social interaction with my peers. I focused on my grades for 11 years and it got me nowhere except alone in my room and miserable.
edit on 17-2-2011 by mossme89 because: (no reason given)



+13 more 
posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:21 PM
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reply to post by mossme89
 


My friend, I'm but a few years older than you and I was never the super popular kid in school.

But, let me say this much - it all changes in a few years time. Be yourself, that's number one, even though it sucks right now it'll be worth it in a few years because you'll be spending time learning about who you are and not what you think you want to be.

High school is a bitch man, and all you gotta do is do what you have to, get grades, pass, figure out what you want to do with your life and such. Social acceptance changes extensively after grade school. My recommendation, is once you get out of HS, take a break for a year, get comfortable, hit college. College is a largely different environment, because whatever you have a interest in, you will be studying, and that likewise makes easy conversation between peers.

Honestly, you're still just a kid, Once you hit about 20 or so you should be well conditioned in the crappiness of life, but it gets better man. Don't try and conform to the people around you.

Be yourself man, girls dig that kind of thing



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:24 PM
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reply to post by Revolution-2012
 


I'm going to a large community college next year (over 10,000 people). I don't think i could take a year of just nothing, it would be very boring and lonely. But i hope i will be able to make friends, even at a community college. I'm going there because it's a lot cheaper and quite frankly, i'm not sure i'm ready for dorm life. I need my sleep and i don't think my 8:30PM-6AM sleep schedule agrees with most people.



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:25 PM
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Wow I didn't know what HS was till the end of your post.

I was the same, can't say it changed a lot for me. And I think I prefer being a ghost in society now, I see my extended family all with a billion kids and divorces and family arguments and then I see old friends stuck in their ruts... I kinda prefer not having to interact in real life with many people. I find it exhausting having to be something I don't feel comfortable with and end up preferring to stay in the shadows..

That and the fact I find a lot of people I do interact with either quite dislikeable or untrustworthy... lol, or I could just be expecting to see the worst.

I dunno, can't change the past.

but you're still in high school.... I don't think there is any advice because you will learn on the way that everything changes.. Man I can barely remember my high school days, so many 'lives' ago..

Sorry I'm not really helpful...




posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:25 PM
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Focusing on grades or social interaction in high school are equally worthless.

High school is perhaps the single most useless time of our lives and either ironically or cruelly the level of immaturity we all suffer through at that age make it all seem so much more important than it is.

Trust me, high school is worthless. Unless you plan on being a lifelong townie or peaking at 18 it's really a period of your life that will barely qualify as a footnote.

For the most part college is much the same.

You could get move on quicker by dropping out, getting that GED at 16 and heading off to college or trade school ASAP if either of those are your eventual plan.

High school is a waste. The whole public education thing could be condensed into half as many years considering how many hours each year are thrown away from 1st grade all the way to your senior year.


 
Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com
 



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:26 PM
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Just be yourself. Partake in activities you enjoy and be happy. The grinder is not for everyone. Sooner or later you will find your nitch. Stay true to yourself. You can't make everyone happy and high school is short lived. Everything changes after that. I hate to say that I was the one who bullied those who did not fit in, now I live with that. I should have embraced there differences, not condemn them. I'm sure your a good kid and if you just keep your head up and be yourself, eventually others will notice. But even if not, make life what you wish it to be.

Highschol can be hard and cruel, stay focused. If you need a friend, you can always come here.



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:26 PM
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reply to post by mossme89
 

Every single day, look yourself in the mirror, smile and say I love you, and maybe add one thing each day that you most like about you. And if not LOVE, then start out with like.

I like me.


Do that excercise every day, no matter how foolish it makes you feel.

That's my advice for whatever it's worth.

Eventually, if you keep it up, you'll pass a threshold into the realm of what I call a "compassionate don't care", and then you and everyone will be astonished at how charming you've become!



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:27 PM
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Dude I'm a 11th grader and I am also not very popular.Just focus on your studies and be yourself. That is your main priority. What grade are u in? because you don't have to wait very long since time flies fast. So don't waste your time and concentrate on your lesson and tests and ignore those who are stopping your from achieving your potential


What are ur plans after college? I recommend you immigrate to another country. I am thinking planning to move to Australia
edit on 17-2-2011 by starwarsisreal because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:28 PM
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reply to post by mossme89
 



High School is like the flu. It feels like crap but you will get through it.

At the end of the day there are a few boxes you need to check off on the checklist of life in western society.

Get your diploma and then do what you want in life.

You don't have to buy into the system but you do need to blend to some extent.

Do us a favor and don't fit in. We dont need more sheeple or cows for milking til slaughter.

Here is my testament. School was for bouncing from clique to clique but never joining. Learn about humanity. Every kid is a follower of their parents example or the anti-thesis.

Enjoy the good, bad and ugly. High school is the MMORPG of real life.

Peace



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:29 PM
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Ya know what? Let it go.

Forget about social. You are young - - you don't really need a social life.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE? FOLLOW YOUR PASSION.

Make your self happy first. You CAN NOT be TWO - - - before you are ONE.



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:30 PM
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reply to post by mossme89
 

Moss, walk your own track.

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger. I think all of us at one time in those days of high school had our awkward moments or awkward periods. Doubts, uncertainties, seemingly awkward times, and I can tell you first hand that it's quite possible to be lonely even in the middle of a crowd.

Make your own way, pursue your own interests and don't worry too much about being "accepted." Or socially comfortable. Don't give it a lot of thought.

Your time will come. Look around. There are others just like you that feel just like you. Soft approaches to see if you have similar interests.

It's a rare bird that can interject themselves gracefully into others interactions. So don't worry about that part.

Do what you do well, pursue what you find interesting, and try to note the many, many others that are just like you, feel just like you, and are longing for interaction.

I cant' tell you the superstars who were considered "odd" or "geeks" in high school.

But I can tell you that a lot of the most popular in high school ended up with some miserable-assed lives.

Take you time, observe, and move slowly.

Prudence is always best.



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:30 PM
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reply to post by mossme89
 


Check it out...


You're in the proving grounds, nothing more...you'll make it.


Don't change, but be prepared to adjust as you go on to the next stage of life...you'll find the friends you so desire, it just takes time, as most things worth their weight do.


Buck up dude...





posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:32 PM
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reply to post by mossme89
 

I am many years past where you are and have children your age. I am going to tell you what I say to them.

1. If people hurt you and make you fell uncomfortable for you being yourself you owe them none of your love in return.
2. You will only really know 98% of these people for another year. So choose your friends wisely.
3. Acceptance must come from within first.

I was that different than you in HS. However I did "anything" to be accepted. I became addicted to drugs due to peer pressure. I am not saying that this is where you are headed. I wanted to "fit-in" so bad that I let the rest of my life be dictated by my want for acceptance.

Fast foward 20+ years... I am trying to finish my college degree and can now see the folly of my youth.

Being you is a blessing and don't change! Others will accept you or not that is their problem.

It does get better. For real!



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:34 PM
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reply to post by starwarsisreal
 


I'm 17 and a Senior.

reply to post by zroth
 


Ugh, i know. It's so stupid and it's like a jail. Who cares if i listen to music in the library at lunch? It helps me to focus! Who cares if i text my dad in the hallway between classes?

-----

I really hope college will be better. i'll be starting in the fall at a local community college of 10,000 people (CC because it's cheaper). I really hope i can be social and meet people there, however i just plain don't know.


Originally posted by Annee
Ya know what? Let it go.

Forget about social. You are young - - you don't really need a social life.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE? FOLLOW YOUR PASSION.

Make your self happy first. You CAN NOT be TWO - - - before you are ONE.


My social life IS what makes me happy. It's that interacting with others that really feels awesome.
edit on 17-2-2011 by mossme89 because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:34 PM
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reply to post by mossme89
 


Hey you.
Don't really know what to say that will make a difference to you. Been a while since I was young. I have a 16 year old daughter in her last year of HS here in the UK. She developed Photo-sensitive epilepsy at age 7 and it has really affected her personality. But she has managed through it somehow. Although she is still not like other teens in lots of ways. She is not one of the popular ones, never has been. And like you she has difficulty in social situations and interactions and comes over to other people as painfully shy.
Its a slow process but she is improving and now has her 1st boyfriend. And is coming out of her shell. I know its difficult to "be yourself" when you don't know how or even who that is. Heck, I'm 46 and still don't know who I am, people, even close people think they "know" me but they don't really. How can they if I don't know myself?
But somehow I've gotten through and I have friends I've had for years.

Don't despair though. A smile goes a long way and finding something you have in common with someone is a good starting point for a relationship of any sort. It's always difficult to "read" any situation and know what to say or do. Sometimes it's better to thnk for ten seconds or so before you say anything and sometimes it's better not to say anything at all. Just remember, what will be will be. You WILL find your way I'm sure. Just try to be positive in your dealings with others and the rest should come naturally.

Hope this helps in some small way.

Good luck my friend




posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:34 PM
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Ill tell you right now bud, I use to get bullied and shunned and outcast my whole time i was in school myself.

I was always the fat kid, I was made fun of, picked on and ostracized.....

What i did do was focus on my school, and when I got out of school, I used the tools that they gave me to defy people like the ones who had done what they did to me.....

I focused on ME....I joined the MARINES, which gave me huge confidence, and I lost all that weight id always been made fun of.

As my confidence soared despite, and INSPITE honestly of what those people did to me, I realized how much better I was than those people.

People started to gravitate to me because I was a NICE person that i had always been, but I had huge confidence in myself, and I was intelligent.......

Use it man.....being outcast forces you to deal with things, but dont lose the person you are inside, and you can build on that and become a person thats heads and tails above anyone that mistreated you in school.



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:35 PM
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reply to post by mossme89
 


There are small games, and there are bigger games. the small ones are win-lose and the big ones are win-win.

If you make it your goal to be accepted by people who are themselves fake, defensive, and judgemental of others then you will always lose and never feel whole. Those people are lost, they're asleep, they've forgotten who they really are, if they didn't then they would know better than to treat another that way.

This is a good quote from Alex Collier " The love that you withhold is the pain that you carry from lifetime to lifetime"

A lot of NDE'rs experience is that we are actually one soul playing the game that we are individuals, and that game can be played in this stepped down reality, were we play these seperate roles, but when finish the game and go back up there, we get to see how we affected the other people, we get to feel it as if we were the other person, because at the highest level we are. There is only one of us here, seems to be the prevailing truth. Just be the genuine self, the one who knows that you are an eternal spirit, that this isn't your only one life, that what truly matters is how you treat others, so that when you go back to God, you look back at the ripple effects of your existence on all souls here, and you feel proud of the imprints you left in time.

You are so not alone in your experiences. So many people have felt the way you do, that is the way the baddies who set up this matrix wanted it to be. They want the society to be egocentric, materialist, selfish. They want people to self-destruct by pointed them toward material pleasure, instead of spiritual fulfillment.


The people playing the big games know it doesn't end here. You keep coming back, lifetime after lifetime playing these games, but on this particular planet, there are bad guys pulling the strings, who want people to be stuck in the small games, the ones that are win-lose, so that when they find themselves spiritually atrophying, they can turn to drugs and other self-destructive stuff and ultiimately benefit the bad guys dream of an enslaved society.



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:37 PM
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reply to post by mossme89
 


You are in a very difficult phase of your life. Here is my advice to you: Be true to yourself! You be yourself, no matter what! It sounds as if you have a very kind soul. So many people in high school put so much energy into fitting in, and I'm sure that some of the people you try to help or try to make feel better, really do appreciate what you do, but feel that it just isn't "cool" to show it.

I know it may be hard, and I'm not sure what kind of community you live in or how many people you know, but it sounds as if you are a little more mature than the rest of your friends. Perhaps it would help to hang out with people who are a bit older? I know it's terribly hard to want to fit in. I was a cheerleader in school, so was fairly popular, but I HATED it. The only reason I was a cheerleader was so I could be in the "in-crowd" and it sucked! It took another 10 years after high school to get to the point that I didn't care what other people thought of me.

You know that you are a kind person and sounds as if you may have more self respect than the average teenager. That is a very good thing! Don't let that go! You sound very intelligent and you have many reasons to be proud of yourself. One of these days, people will come to respect and appreciate that you are the way you are. Don't try so hard to impress others. It sounds to me like you are a bit of an empath? You pick up on the emotions of other people and just want to help them feel better? I know it's difficult to just leave people alone when you know that they are having a bad day, but sometimes it's just best to let people work things out on their own.

You can always talk to us.
It's hard being someone who sees the big picture, amongst a bunch of self-centered individuals, but just hang in there! It sounds as if maybe you are trying too hard, even if your intentions are good. Many teenagers just don't have the maturity level to realize that people like you mean well. Be glad that you are the way you are and don't let anyone else bring you down. Would it be possible to do some sort of volunteer work somewhere? If you are interested in helping the elderly or anything like that, I am positive those people would appreciate it! Don't worry about what your peers think! Love who you are and always be yourself. Just know in your heart that you are a good person and that other people who treat you bad are missing out. I'm not telling you to just be a recluse and leave everyone alone, but maybe just tone it down a bit and sooner or later, you will find like-minded people.

Teenagers like you are rare and diamonds in the rough. Love who you are and be proud.



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:46 PM
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hs sux for almost everybody!other kids are complete azzhats( I'm 50,married.kids and still not right : lol: ); Accept yourself as a human being; find something you really like to do.Hang in there:



posted on Feb, 17 2011 @ 08:49 PM
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As someone who is 26 years old and was one of the jocks and cool kiids in high school, i can tell you wtih certainty that in a few years the people who your peers will admire and respect are the ones who stuck to their guns and followed their own paths. Ones who were brave enough to be interested in things that everyone else may not necessarily be interested in.

I hope you find the wisdom in being yourself and unafraid of criticism. It will build your character and give you strength you never knew you had.



Also, many of the kids who seem to fit in the best are actually not doing what they want but rather fulfilling an image others want them to be and they think they should be. that was me in highschool, always the best at the sports and always having to fight because it was my reputation, it wasnt until after highschool i realised what a fool i was, and that i actually severely stunted my growth by being such a brown noser.

Please, the most important thing in life , and it starts yesterday today and tomorrow, is to be yourself find happiness in the things you personally find interesting.
edit on 17-2-2011 by donkeystyle because: (no reason given)

edit on 17-2-2011 by donkeystyle because: (no reason given)




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