Ask JaxonRoberts!

It occurred to me that ATS does not have an advice column, so here I am to fill that void. Feel free to ask about anything from relationships to what color to paint that spaceship you built in your garage! I will give it my best, using my many, many years of wisdom to give you the perfect answer to all your varied questions!

So fire away! The All Knowing, and All Wise JaxonRoberts awaits your deepest ponderances!

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Dear JaxonRoberts,

Assuming of course we're not dealing with five-dimensional objects in a basic Euclidean geometric universe and given the essential premise that all geo-mathematics is based on the hideously limiting notion that one plus one equals two, and not as Astemeyer correctly postulates that one and two are in fact the same thing observed from different precepts, the theoretical shape described by Siddus must therefore be a poly-dri-doc-deca-wee-hedron-a-hexa-sexa-hedro-adicon-a-di-bi- dolly-he-deca-dodron.

Everything else is popycock.

Isn't that so?

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


My zen master keeps pouring tea all over my hand and table, why can't I just get another cup to fill?

Peace,
spec

Dear JaxonRoberts,

If there's an exception to every rule, is there now an exception to that rule also? And then that rule, then that one and that one and that one and that one and that one and that one and tha....



Sincerely, RA

How do i tie my shoes? and should i just go back to velcrow?

Why is it called "tourist season" if we can't shoot at them?

And a follow-up (if I may)-

If I expect the unexpected, then what is up with that?

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


What came first, the chicken or the egg?

(lies back, sips coffee and eagerly awaits the answer to the ultimate question.... )

reply to post by LiveForever8


Dear LiveForever8,

Unfortunately, the shape that was described by Siddus is the following:

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/6fd10b4b2899.jpg[/atsimg]

And yes, it IS scary!

reply to post by speculativeoptimist


Dear speculativeoptimist,

The problem can easily be solved by taking him to lenscrafters for their 2 for 1 sale...

reply to post by Rising Against


Dear Rising Against,

It's not really a rule, so there is no exception to it... I'd elaborate, but it's against the rules...

reply to post by zak89


Dear zak89,

Slip-ons would be an even better idea... and perhaps it's time for you to move on up to Pamper's Pull-ups as well... But you don't need to give up the binky just yet...

reply to post by yeahright


Dear yeahright,

Actually, you can if you have the right permit, but it's REALLY hard to get because you can only get it from the Permit Office in Area 51...

As to the follow-up, even if you expect the unexpected, you can never expect the unexpected unexpected, thus it is a vicious cycle of unexpected expectations...

reply to post by TortoiseKweek


Dear TortoiseKweek,

The Rooster... And if he had lips, he's be grinning from ear to ear...

Dear Jaxon,


I have a friend who really likes this person on ATS. They are a bit older than 'my friend', but seem really intelligent and like Bacon. How should he break the ice with them?

Thanks,

v1rtu0s0's friend

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Dear Jax,

I was in a poke war this morning with two hot friends on Facebook.. then I started posting stuff about government corruption, surveillance on US Citizens, and Texas' broken public education system.. now noone pokes me anymore.

What went wrong? What should I do? What is the average airspeed of an unladen swallow?

reply to post by v1rtu0s0


Dear Studmuffin,

I really like Bacon Chocolates, and nobody buys that 'I have a friend' line... Grow a pair and just admit it... YOU WANT ME!

reply to post by Misoir


Dear Tonguetied,

Why would you care unless the Woodchuck in question is trying to chuck your wood? And if that's the case, call a paramedic immediately!

reply to post by rogerstigers


Dear Garden Gnome,

Chicks generally aren't turned on by conspiracies, thus they do not want to be poked by the losers who post about them... It's Faceborg, keep it light... Keep the paranoid stuff here where it belongs... Also the speed of the swallow is directly proportionate with the speed of the swallower...

why does it feel that civilization has reached a nadir of bleakness?