This is quite a strange thing to put into words that describe what I actually mean in a nutshell but I thought I would give it a bash in the hope that
their are some other people who might have been through this already or are in the process of going through this and can add a thought or two. This is
also something that is not easy to write about as a general topic but more from a personal viewpoint which I hope makes sense by the end of the
I have now been reading conspiracies, gathering knowledge as best as I can without limiting it to one concentrated area, applying things that I have
learned through life lessons or reading about things to see what works and what does not. In essence all im trying to say is that I feel that I have a
much better grasp of life now as I did when I was ten years younger back when I first got a hunch that life was not quite as clear cut as I was led to
For a long time of my life I have spoken up when others will not be it in a workplace or in public and over the years I got better at it, quite often
won over on them. Ive expressed my thoughts on what this worlds problems are and quite a lot of people have agreed with me, some of course do not but
its not often a lot.
I have also helped people who were in need, financial hardship and needed advice in dire circumstances, raised funds for charity, raised awareness of
issues that most do not hear about that effect them or will in the future.
I do not watch any television at all, I buy food from locally sourced farms, fisheries as I do not believe in supporting mutated crap that is sold in
Dont get me wrong though, ive made many mistakes and ive learned as much as I can from them to be as wise as I can in future.
Now that ive put the background part out the way to make what I am saying more sensible for what of a better way to put it.
Lately when it comes to speaking to people personally when asked about my views, what ive read about, my thoughts on what this is all about or various
topics that are fairly deep at times I get what I can only describe as a feeling of complete calm but another in my chest that completely stops me
from expressing my views whatsover.
To give an example of this, a good friend who has just started opening their eyes a little to the outside world in terms of what is going on and that
there just might be more to life than worrying about a job and the news, recently asked me some questions on topics such as UFO's, the universe, what
I believe this is all about and a few more things along those lines. Normally I would be pretty active in a conversation like this but I could not
reply with anything I have read about this, learned personally or mutter anything but "What do you think" and listen whether I agreed or disgreed.
This is a very difficult thing to explain but it is almost as if something is not allowing me to express what I mean or want to say to someone and it
is not in a way that is disturbing it is in a way that is actually quite warm and comforting. This is even happening as I write this opening post
I recently just find myself completely silent almost all the time and mostly only respond yes or no to most questions. Even on the ATS boards, I read
and rarely post anything at all anymore even if it is a topic that I have read a lot about in the past etc.
I hope this makes at least a bit of sense to others as im keen to see some experienced thoughts from anyone that has gone or is going through
something similar as im trying to understand more.
edit on 17-2-2011 by XXXN3O because: (no reason given)