death, and the pseudo-nihilist

My whole life I've had a near panic inducing fear of death, not because I was/am a materialist; because I had so much trouble trying to comprehend the idea of nothing.

Over the past couple of years through a collection of experiences, that fear has been replaced by a sense of familiarity, righteousness and almost anticipation (but without urgency) towards death. Even though these revelations have also gifted me with a new vigor for existence, whenever I'm in the process of making a poor life decision (and I'm aware of it) I'll justify it subconsciously with thoughts of life being a game, that dying is beautiful; and that regardless of my choices - in the end there's really nothing to worry about.

Now this scares me in more way than one, but I really only want to discuss one of them; since my perspective on death has entered a new paradigm I've also been driven by a real sense of implicit purpose. The ways in which I justify poor decisions scare me because of their almost nihilist nature (which is a school of thought that's really been starting to disgust me), my life has purpose; however I'm struggling to convince myself that knowingly subverting that purpose has its weight to bear when all is said and done.

Anyone found themselves in a similar situation?

reply to post by ballsdeep

ballsdeep,

Anyone found themselves in a similar situation?

I made a thread a couple of years ago about my near death experience at the age of 4. Ever since that time I have had a way of looking at life different from the people around me. I have no problem with death, not with the prospect of my own death but also not with other people dying.

I guess because of my empathic nature I can afford the attitude of "life being a game, that dying is beautiful; and that regardless of my choices - in the end there's really nothing to worry about" without that attitude leading to the suffering of others.

In my humble opinion, the assumption that a nihilist nature is causing you to think that life has no purpose only comes from the fact that you aren't living in the now.

Sorry for the incoherent babbling, I have absolutely no knowledge of this subject other than my own experience.

Peace

I've had the same thought processes, I was petrified with death as a child around 6-10 years old if I can remember, I think it's the lead up to death that scares me the most now, the helplessness of not being able to care for ones self really hits hard when you think about it. I believe life is just a game, but it's how you look at it(Do not pass go, do not collect your $200) sort of thing...if you've experience just about everything in life, death is just another experience you should look forward to.

I'm 21 now.

For people who don't know what it is.

Nihilism (pronounced /ˈnaɪ.əlɪzəm/ or /ˈniː.əlɪzəm/; from the Latin nihil, nothing) is the philosophical belief that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. It is often associated with extreme pessimism and a radical skepticism that condemns existence. A true nihilist would believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy [1] Most commonly, nihilism is presented in the form of existential nihilism which argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.[2] Moral nihilists assert that morality does not inherently exist, and that any established moral values are abstractly contrived. Nihilism can also take epistemological, metaphysical or ontological forms, meaning respectively that, in some aspect, knowledge is not possible or that contrary to our belief, some aspect of reality does not exist as such.

reply to post by ballsdeep


The Hagakure available here: docs.google.com...:gz1der512akJ:www.rosenoire.org/archives/Hagakure.pdf+hagakure&hl=en&gl=uk&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESjvjr01XHfSasBOA f7cvmYjBUS5vIt2az2eyksrWiwB9awUvnS_23CaGzwYaUNTtfRn8EvRwvH7-bLmlydM8GjPF0MzMTlUJYQneWhE8gEEFwnhuCZjs59b_EuW2bUUEsOvgdg4&sig=AHIEtbTpdrCc2Q2FI2NUJ4NA-9 6VXIy6Ww

The 8 fold noble truth of the buddha, use google,

Glove anesthesia, hypnosis, hypnotic coma, age regression therapy to unkink subconscious blocks.

Soz if its not what your looking for.

Peace

PS, it's the stories we hear that shape us, its like a weighing scale, if bad stories and thoughts overwhelm us we are sunk and the reverse is true.

PSS Hagakure is excellent and will fill your head with stories of death and heroics. I think the bottom line is say there is nothing else, well, why would that stop you from trying to achieve your goals.

Originally posted by ballsdeep
The ways in which I justify poor decisions scare me because of their almost nihilist nature (which is a school of thought that's really been starting to disgust me)

What I'm about to say is only semi-relevant, but in case it helps you, I just wanted to say this is a very good thing. By "this" I mean the fact that you are showing a higher-order awareness of your own thought processes. It's one thing to justify poor decisions; it's quite another to be aware of it and say "hey, I'm really just justifying this poor decision". This will serve you well on the path to greater awareness.

Two years ago I began to have panic and anxiety attacks.

These attacks, before I knew what they were, convinced me that I was dying.

Now, in a philosophical since, we are all dying. But, when you believe your time has truly come and you are moments away from “exiting stage right,” you begin to perceive things entirely different than you did before.

Things of this world no longer matter, and you perceive them with little importance. As a matter of fact the only things that mattered to me during this time was the bonds I had made with other people and thinking about how much I’d miss those I was leaving behind.

I relate to your comparison of life being a game, as I too went through this same mental thought process. I, myself, began making poor decision and writing them off as “they don’t truly matter” or “in the end who’s going to care?”

But, what I began to realize is this: They do matter, people will care. However, I didn’t care what anyone thought about what I did, so for that reason I didn’t care and was apathetic.

To this day, I don’t care what people think about me – but I’ve matured in my mental states and progressed As I encourage you to do.

I no longer do the “right” things for others, but I do them for myself.

I want to exit this world, in the beautiful thing called death and move forward, with the knowledge that I have lived a life that I was proud of.

I no longer make decisions based off what I can get for myself, but what I can do to help others.

Your ways of thinking will change drastically when you begin to devote your life to doing what is right over what is wrong. That in it’s self, will cause you to see the world different anew and set you free.

reply to post by NewlyAwakened


Thanks, that's reassuring.. do you have any information on the awareness path you're referring to?

Originally posted by MentorsRiddle

I no longer do the “right” things for others, but I do them for myself.

I want to exit this world, in the beautiful thing called death and move forward, with the knowledge that I have lived a life that I was proud of.

I no longer make decisions based off what I can get for myself, but what I can do to help others.

edit on 11-2-2011 by MentorsRiddle because: Bad Spelling

edit on 11-2-2011 by MentorsRiddle because: (no reason given)

My ego no longer has any bearing on day to day actions, anything I do is with someone else at the front of my mind - unless I'm very tired or stressed; this is what's causing problems though, the fact that my ego is so submissive means that it's very easy to become detached from the worldly familiarities it has created. I'm not going to stave off death purely because I'll be missed, sure some finite entities will be upset but ultimately they'll meet the same, accommodating fate as I'm about to and none of it will be relative any more.


EDIT - to add, I've had a few panic attacks, and nearly died once of serotonin syndrome; I'm no stranger to death, I just find myself able to embrace it regardless of its proximity.

I consider myself a nihilist. Most of the things I do are to bring me pleasure or to keep me from being deprived of it (like obeying certain laws). I wasn't alive 100 years ago so it doesn't bother me (much) that I won't be alive 100 years in the future. This seems like the only rational way for me to live as I don't believe in gods/good/evil.

reply to post by Electric Crown


So there's nothing implicitly wrong with making someone feel bad when you could just as easily do the inverse?

Originally posted by ballsdeep
Thanks, that's reassuring.. do you have any information on the awareness path you're referring to?

If you're asking for some step-by-step process you can follow to achieve some sort of magical enlightenment, no.

If you mean personal growth, a greater degree of consciousness and control over your own life, a steadily increasing sense of and faith in spirituality, then you're on it as long as you're still identifying and facing fears, learning, and in general haven't given up or "settled down" into a go-with-the-flow lifestyle. A saying attributed to Gautama Buddha is "If you're not moving forward, you're moving backward."

Of course this is easier said than done, because nothing is easier than settling into just being a creature of mechanical reaction. Many people do it without even knowing it; others know it and assume all people are like them and therefore declare the human being to be an entirely mechanically-reacting creature.

Fortunately there are techniques you can do to keep yourself moving forward. Meditation is chief among them.

Recently I've been getting into the techniques on this site: www.aypsite.org. If what I'm saying resonates with you, I encourage you to take a look.

reply to post by NewlyAwakened


Thank you very much.

reply to post by ballsdeep


Perhaps that which you fear is not precisely death, but is a concept that the human mind has long associated with the "end".

I remember as a child, up until the age of about 4, I used to just "be" - and then I remember, when I started learning how to talk, I started to talk to myself in my own mind, and I can almost remember a point where "I" started to exist, where I looked in the mirror and could not believe that I was a "person". Perhaps, we are afraid to return to that state, perhaps even moreso than death itself.